~ So Anyway ~

I've made it through another busy week

For some reason this nose/throat business has become worse

Hence the few extremely bad days earlier this week

I seemed to have gone in the head first, the body followed or maybe it was both and I just didn't realise...

Anyway I have just had to cut back further on everything

Just an example Small Man and I went on a trip to town yesterday


We walked from the car park about 100 metres to get some lunch, chicken souvlaki in fact, at a proper greek shop that has had the same decor for at least the past 15 years, maybe longer, I reckon it wouldn't taste quite the same if it was all flashy......anyway.....

We then walked maybe another 500 metres down to Target - looked at some clothes for SM - actually he even tried something on.....in the change room....
We left there and walked back towards the car park....stopped in at Chemist Warehouse (my new best friends, I am saving about $50 per month by getting my scripts there....sorry Amcal....you are just too expensive)......

By the time we got back to the car we were both STUFFED.

If I compare this to the amount of walking we did in Canberra - my goodness one day we walked around a shopping centre at a cracking pace - as we only had an hour to spend there.....not to mention virtually running through the airport to catch adjoining flights......

A friend called to ask me to go to the craft fair this weekend, I have had to say 'No' after the way I felt Friday, I'm not taking any chances.  

How much fun would I be if we were there for an hour and I couldn't go any further? 

I'm pretty sure my friends will understand, it's not like I am doing it on purpose.  

I have become quite isolated, by choice.  

I'd rather not make plans than let someone down.

It's just the way it is.

I will ring the specialist and ask to be put on their cancellation list, but I get a feeling I will be waiting until the 22nd of November anyway......

In other news I did manage to help Possum write 5 PAGES about how wonderful he is for a job application.

It was so funny in the end, he ran out of concentration having started writing at 5.30pm - having around half an hour break - and the whole exercise finished (that included updating his resume/filling out the application form/double checking everything) at 11pm....

So now hopefully he will get an interview at least!

The job is a natural progression from the traineeship he is doing now...

So that's about it really,

G

x♥x

~ A Bad Day ~

I hate these 'bad' days

Where I don't get to choose what I can and can't do - it's what I can manage physically

It gets chosen for me

And then the guilt of getting nothing 'done'

Feeling like I have to justify it......

Hoping tomorrow will be a better day

Longing for those few hours a day where I feel closer to normal

FML at the moment - it's starting to get to me....... and there's not a fucking thing I can do about it

G

xx

~Flagging........~

Motivation for Small Man is at an all time low - and I'm running out of ideas to keep him interested.....
Even though he knows there is major change coming for him, to try and find the energy and make the effort to get through each day has hit a real low

NAGGING HIM WILL NEVER HELP - NEVER - In fact it will make the situation so much worse it's not even within a million miles of a possibility or solution


So what to do


I'm struggling myself


The last few days haven't been great for me physically
Roll on the end of November - but then not - because that brings us very close to then end of the school year for SM


I have had in depth discussions with his teacher and he has urged me not to push, try and encourage if possible but definitely not nag/push.....
He will be assesed on the work he has done......


I just don't want him to look back and feel disappointed


Next year - who knows


I can't even think about it - if I had to make a decision today based on how he has been recently the decision would definitely be to take at least a year off - or to do one subject via college via open learning.....


I just don't know :(


G
x♥x

So it looks like I'd better dust off my vibration machine - at 200 - 500 calories (supposedly) burnt in 10 minutes - it sounds like a plan!!

Not sure why I stopped using it...? 

I think it could be that it's in Small Man's bedroom....hmm not sure......no room for it really in the living areas....unless I put the treadmill somewhere else....

Pity the gym didn't have them.....ours is slightly dodgy and will only work on low for 1 minute then it switches onto HIGH....bzzzzzzzzzzz....hey that might make it burn more - haw haw!

Still need and want to go to the gym, but this is going to be extra - and it doesn't add to my morning fatigue

Be-udy Mate....!

G

xx

~Phew.....just PHEW!!! ~

Why yes, I am still here ;)

What a week it has been too

Extra teenager last weekend - packing for camp (food and clothes and medication and cpap machine etc etc) - preparing the house for the return of the Big A....

To Mondays disasterous time overlap - which turned out fine in the end (I know, you knew it would, I knew it would, but anyway....)

To coming home from taking Small Man to camp, to find Big A snoring on the couch and the house looking like a bombsite as he had unpacked and had stuff everywhere :)

To sharing my bed for the first time in 3 weeks (with a man with a chest infection...)



To phone calls and visitors wanting to hear about Big A's holiday and looking at 500 photos and who knows how many videos :)


He had the time of his life! ♥

 To my usual work/order to pack etc



To Small Man returning from camp


To 500 loads of washing


To an extra teenager (just overnight)


To a new work website which is literally painful - whoever designed it DOESN'T do my job every day - FFS! - it took me 2 hours to do a job that should take 30 mins max.....FFS!.....FMJ!!... ;D


So Friday was dressing gown day - all day.....

Somewhere in between I have had many messages from my new charge Sam - I can see that she is lonely/anxious/trying to do too much/wasn't really ready to move out of home....and basically just 'at that age'.....

I also did a search on calorie counting and the amount needed and the amount to reduce it by for weight loss.  
I am still doing the blood type diet but am looking at calorie intake as well.  
For me, my basal rate is 1580 calories per day - that means the amount my body will burn even if I was in bed all day and didn't move.
For each kg you wish to lose it is equal to reducing your calorie intake by around 500 calories per day (supposedly) - so for me I would need to burn off 500 calories per day or eat around 1000 calories per day to lose 1kg per week. 
I average 1200 calories per day now....so why isn't it working?? 
Hmmm......


Whilst doing my research I also stumbled onto some 'Pro Ana' (anorexia) blogs - oh dear - there are literally THOUSANDS of them - it's an epidemic - and most of the girls are aged under 20.
Jeez....I remember eating nothing but baby food once for a few months at age 17/18- that was a meal - a tin of baby food....*sigh*
Some of these blogs are so sad to read and frightening at the same time....

So that's my week....!

G
x♥x

~Missed a bit.....or a lot.....~

I wrote yesterdays post in a bit of a hurry....the times overlap completely - Big A gets in at 1.15pm and I have to be in Ulverstone (1.5 hours away) between 1.45pm and 2pm tomorrow....

He's been travelling for 30 hours....

I spoke to him last night, and he's happy for Mum to pick him up (if she's allowed...)...
Small Man has assured me he is happy to go on the bus - so I have decided if I can get him on the bus I will do that. 

If I can't Mum will have to pick up Big A...it's just that I won't be back until 3.30pm - 3.45pm...

If she can't pick up the Big A I have a plan 'C' which is that my lovely girl that packed the order for me the last two times has offered to take SM to camp.

She is a sweetheart, 18, a bit lonely, not living at home and needing just a bit of 'advice not from parents' you know what I mean.....

But anyway, she offered - it would be good for both of them, but I worry about them driving down there...she has had her licence for 12 months and isn't silly, but there are some dickheads on that road.....so it will be a last resort....

So I am feeling a bit better today, it's just not ideal :(

The one and only time you kind of wish the flight was delayed eh...

G

x♥x

~ STRESSED MUCH ??????? ~

I had 5pm and 'A' written on the calendar for the 11th of October

So that's what time I thought he was arriving at the airport

That gacve me time to take Small Man to camp an hour or so away for a 2pm start and then get back to pick up the Big A from the airport.....

In a message from him today I discover he arrives at the airport at 1.15pm Monday

I have already told the school that SM won't need the bus, and I have no idea if I can change it now, and will have to ring early Monday morning to find out - last time there wasn't a bus from here to the camp......

Now I feel so stressed - I promised I would take him to camp, cos down and back on the bus is hard on him physically - but then I haven't seen the Man for 3 weeks and would like to be there to pick him up.....

Sooooo stressed right now :(

G
xx

~Hmmmmmmm...??~

**I don't seem to be able to 'log out' of Blogger - I keep getting an error message and so stay logged in...anyone else having issues? **

Watching a new episode of 'Supersize vs Superskinny' last night (Lifestyle You Channel) - wow - I can still SO relate to the anorexic mindset.....I just don't have the body to match it.

Some of the things they were saying had me thinking crikeys, I have always been like that...

I have never been a binge eater, food is mostly a fuel to me, although there a few things, like anyone, I just love the taste of so will over eat very occasionally - but they are usually healthy and it's not often at all

Clever Toni suggested the 'Eat right for your blood type' way of thinking - so I had a look at it and was amazed - 3 of the things on my list to definitely avoid were eggs, avocado and coffee - the very 3 things I have had trouble with over the years.  

It also said 'O' blood types were more prone to THYROID issues *ahem* and STOMACH ULCERS.......really?

Just going by the chart and what I remember from looking at it I need to also cut back on dairy, and exclude from my diet - corn, cabbage, brussel sprouts (eeerk like I'd eat them anyway) and definitely beans.....

Bacon, ham, goose, pork - no good either.

Seafood - recommended except for:

barracuda, pickled herring, catfish, smoked salmon, caviar, octopus, conch - they're not exactly 'on the menu' here on a daily basis so should be fairly easy

All rather interesting. 

Even if just from the health perspective and not making myself any worse.

G

x♥x

~ It's OK ReALLy~

Nah it's all good - I haven't flown into any fits of SF rage and shot him or anything.....yet bahahaha!

Things are running smoothly here - still - no disasters - nothing broken/broken down - George hasn't made any attempts to provide for us by bringing birds or rodents - the Blue Heeler hasn't escaped or attempted to - it's all fine

Actually tonight Possum bought some washing in off the line - first time ever

And Small Man ate new food - BIG new food - Gnocchi with sauce and cheese - the sauce was Dolmio's spicy pepper - I did blend it WELL first - and he ate it :) Not all of it, but really it was two new foods at once - which is huge - clever man :D
He is thinking he would like to try some of those little raviloi thingys next time, with the sauce....

I have my 'easier' work week this week....

Will be getting SM ready for camp and stuff, catching up on a few things here and trying to get an appointment with the exercise physiologist to see what he suggests for me, and the plan for SM for the next few weeks - although not much will be happening after camp...


G
x♥x