As it always does....after the build up and preparation for one day....it over just like that. Happens every year though eh!
I haven't felt the highs and lows too much.
Maybe because we didn't buy pressies for adults again this year (family decision) and we gave the boys one ginourmous present (a new computer - wizz banging up to the minute thing of course). This was on the agreement that they didn't get anything from us xmas day.
Of course I strayed off the path on that one slightly and gave them a few little bits...!
So without the pressie shopping to be done it was just one big grocery shop!
I did buy for my adorable niece Bethany though.
My nicest gift was to (in no particular order)
a: not have to cook xmas dinner for the first time in 15 years, and being able to relax and enjoy my family's company - yay
b: to spend the evening with my niece Bethany (she is 3 and was staying at my brothers house for the very first time Christmas Day) - to see her sleep in her bed at his house for the first time - I put the room together when she was born, nothing flash or over the top (most came from the op-shop but quality, clean and good!) , but nice for a darling little girl!
Having lost a niece who was exactly Bethany's age now it makes me treasure the time with her...sometimes it scares the hell out of me to get too close to her (she lives in Ulverstone an hour and a half away so don't see her that often).
c: To share the day with friends that either don't have parents, or have strained family relationships, or have family on the mainland and didn't go home for xmas this year.
d: To see my stepbrother and his wife, and three little ones from Canberra Christmas Eve at Mums. They have a 3 month old baby girl, oh so gorgeous little chubby bundle - a two and five year old boys - equally gorgeous - full on hyper!! BOY OH BOY!
Dumb arse forgot the camera - both on Xmas day and Xmas Eve - DOH! (and I do mean me!).
Ironically, the only actual unwrappable gift I received this Xmas was from the Almighty Bitch herself - wonder what that means? He he he!
Hope you are all well!!!
now is the BEST time for a detox BTW,
I am considering one, although the only naughty thing I ate Christmas day was a piece of pav!
G
xx
p.s. why the pic? Cos we've been flat out painting our ceiling - and are now at the end of day two - tomorrow is day three *sigh* then we're done - I'm over it, but not letting on!
...go to bed at 10.30pm.
I did try!
Thinking back on some really old stuff today.
Things I haven't thought about for years,
and then a small fragment of a conversation brings it back.
Weird how that works.
None of it makes me feel bad,
or sorry for myself.
Just damn lucky to have weathered (and survived) so many storms in my life and still be able to love, learn, forgive, trust, have patience, allow 'new' people into my life and make a few more mistakes occasionally!
I think I am a wiser mother for it all, nothing much shocks or surprises me (aside from prolonged illnesses!), and I feel prepared for most of what teenage life brings to my table!
I think o.k. something bad/negative happened in the past - you get a few choices, to let it ruin your life forever (as if the original thing wasn't enough on it's own) - or take even the slightest positive from it and think to yourself the rest of my life is going to be extra positive & happy as possible, to make up for all of this crap.
Believe me, I could write a book on some of my life 'experiences' - none of them what you might call "good" - but why would I want to write about/relive all of that - and who'd want to read it!!!!
Unless I needed to get it out there, unless I had shelved it away in my mind without sorting it first - then I would. Unless it happened yesterday, last week, a few months ago when I would really need to write and gather my thoughts. Otherwise it's just like writing a story, about someone else though.
I wouldn't even write about it here, it's so 'dealt with' long buried and forgotten - except for the occasional reminisce, like tonight.
So no, I'm not just spieling off some crap I watched on Oprah, this is my own personal view on dealing with 'stuff'.
Everything takes time, and some things take a very long time to come to grips with - or maybe with practice we get better at letting go/sorting and categorizing our feelings & emotions?
I dunno!
Maybe we end up with a "scale of one to ten" type system in our heads, that as we get older makes ten seem much further away.
I'm glad I am making sense to myself tonight!
Maybe should have gone to bed at 9.30pm - and STAYED THERE!!
Today is, after all, tomorrows yesterday
(random, random, random!!!)
G
xx
Adding my two favourite recent photos to celebrate!
I have flipped into night mode.
Maybe it's the lack of routine or something....
Or maybe just nerves......
Not getting to bed until the early hours of the morning, getting up later......
Stuffing around for the first half of the day....
Then going hammer and tongs from around 3pm......
Well, it's not hurting anyone....but not 'acceptable' of course.......
Because someone made up some rule sometimes that we have to be up early, and go to bed at a reasonable time.
My best time of the day is either first thing (getting up at 6am) or later in the afternoon.....if i do early morning I'm in a coma on the couch by 8pm though.
Maybe I'll just stick to this routine til I have to be up early one day, say like next Thursday when 'she who makes my life unbearable' is being let out of her cage for the day, for the purpose of coming up here, no doubt to rip me to shreds over something so extremely trivial it's almost funny......maybe I should try that....laughing at her...hang on I'll practice.....
AAAAAAA.....HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yep - that feels better!!!!
G
xx
Small Man and I have had another serious discussion on the Lap Band.
He wants to have it.
I want him to have it.
grandparents want him to have it.
Big A is not sure......
I have made some initial inquiries with a surgeon in Hobart.
Actually made two enquiries, the first guy emailed back a few lines on the operation number for MBP....
The second surgeon wrote back a really lovely email, at 8am this morning (I only emailed him last night at around 11pm).
He let me know about medicare/MPB, and also that he has performed the surgery on two other 13 year olds with similar BMI (body mass index) with great results.
He also asked if Small Man is o.k. with needles, as there may need to be adjustments to the band.
He asked me to call his surgery if I had any other questions, or to make an appointment to discuss further, and that I would need a referral. I'm impressed already!
I just can't let this go on any further, the risk of surgery is minuscule, compared to the risk of him not having it.
We have a paediatrician appointment January 7th - to review the new meds - I am going to tell him that I have made some inquiries, and hope he's not too pissed off with me.
I can't sit back and be Mrs Polite any more - not when my son's life is just on hold, and has been for so long. Bugger the manners!!!!!! This has affected not only Small Man, but my job and our (Big A & I) relationship, our social life (I don't mean we're party animals, but we have had to limit social occasions visiting etc because Small Man isn't up to it) - it's no-ones fault, it's just the way things snowball.
Maybe it won't fix everything, but if his self esteem improves, and his liver function goes back to normal, and his blood sugar decreases, I'm sure that's 90% of the battle won.
Love and hugs to everyone,
it's a tough time of the year in many ways,
thinking of YOU!
G
xx
Such an inspiring title, I know.
That's all it is tonight - STUFF.
Stuff floating around my head, being 1am probably has a lot to do with it.
Quite a busy day,
interviews for VET courses for Z16 (successful btw),
catalogues to collect,
orders to place on the website,
Z16 to take to work,
groceries to buy, bring home, unpack....blah blah...then cook.
Big A - to get ready for work - no I don't usually get his clothes/food/anything ready but tonight he was putting the computer back together after some upgrades, so I did the lot for him - teamwork OMG!!!
the usual after tea stuff,
small Man to console after their computer 'crashed',
30 minute crash myself on the couch - with a BLANKET - yes it's officially cold here tonight, and was last night too - ask Toni!
Z16 to collect from work,
dead computer to be resurrected by z16 in 5 minutes (see why he's doing I.T. next year).....
ravenous cats to be fed - no George, the pate on the plate WASN'T for you!
stats to be collated from website/emails from SD's,
scrabble games to catch up on - blogs to read and now write.
Trying to keep thoughts of the evil one out of my mind.....
at least until tomorrow, where I need to point out that the info she said was missing from my review was NOT in the previous one as claimed (helps if you read things LUV - and get your facts straight before you come the big hideous ogre with people, actually should I say the BIGGER, MORE HIDEOUS OGRE) and was not requested last time either - so HA! Sucked in.
Tomorrow is physio day for Small Man, am trying to book for Tuesdays and Fridays to keep to a routine, even though I hate routine, sometimes it's good.
Paediatrician appointment was sort of disappointing, not prepared to wait for his liver function to get worse, or for him to develop diabetes before something is done, should be preventative in my opinion.
Anyway, have changed his anti-depressants which I'm happy about, he seems good - not to one extreme or the other which is basically the point.
He is also taking Metformin, used for type II diabetes, and for women with polycystic ovary syndrome - he got a good laugh out of that! It took a while for the name of the new meds to stick in my head - and he said "so which tablet do I take Mum?" - I couldn't think so said, "you know, you're ovary pill" he cracked up! He's so cute - even though he's 13 and way bigger than me!
No plan for school, which finishes soon anyway. I think he'd like to return fitter and stronger after the holidays, and I understand that.
Better go,
getting tired again now - NO DER Gina - it's like 1.26am!!
George says "Schtupid woman Mummae - go to schleep in you bed now pleease"
o.k.
G
xx
****I am really mad and at the end of my tether writing this....if you are easily offended don't read!****
And the gloves are off...again...for another round with the irrational, PMT'ified bitch that is trying to break me.
I am not exaggerating....
I'm not kidding....
I didn't deserve ANY of the nit picking serve I received Friday afternoon....
it was just a load of crap - obviously someone has had a bad week...and guess who is always the punching bag.
Two SD's contacted her directly (via email), one because it was to do with a distributor that has nothing to do with us or our team, we were 'caretaking him' for approx 2 weeks - something went wrong and he didn't receive a rewards gift voucher.
The distributor took it upon himself to complain to head office about HER/not getting his voucher - not my problem. She rang PB and ripped into him about why the distributor rang H/Office - and what was said.
She also sent an email to PB in response - in her reply to PB over this she wrote 'please contact me directly if you have any similar queries'.
Another SD replied to her newsletter email, which BTW clearly states if you are unable to open this please let me know, I'll send in a different format - he couldn't open it, and asked for another format - and also replied to an email she sent him directly regarding a lead, she asked him to let her know how he went with the lead - so he did.
WELLL...didn't I cop it, for 30mins on the phone.....screeching friggin banshee she is....
"makes me wonder why I'M paying you (she doesn't bloody pay me, head office does) you're OBVIOUSLY not doing your job" ---WTF?????????
It goes on and on.....baseless, trivial, nit pickery.
A review I just completed...and handed in on time...actually slightly early (that would've killed her) was picked to shreds. claiming I had left things out that were included in the last review...I've checked, WRONG AGAIN BITCH - there was no mention of what she reckoned was missing, and no request for the info last time either.........wants to go and get her head checked......and her conscience while she's at it.
PB couldn't believe it - he knows what I tell him about her, but had yet to see it for himself - til now.
She is all sweetness and light when they're around, and then attacks me when I'm on my own.
I know what the answer is, I know I should be looking for another job - but there are many reasons why I can't/won't....
1. I don't see why I should!!!!!
2. Small Man and the uncertainty over his health and recovery
3. My team - many rely on this for their sole source of income, distributors included - if I go, they go - either by their own choice or she would sack the lot of them out of spite.
4. PRIDE! I let her beat me on this and not only does she win, but what else do I lose, except for a job that I love.
Going on strike is looking good - make H/O realise there is a friggen lunatic running the show down here....and they're going to end up losing EVERYONE down here if she keeps it up......
Personally, I think she should take two aspro's and FARK OFF!!!
I'm going now.....!
G
xxx
Finally....
Off to the Paediatrician today.
After much 'being stuffed about'...and lack of information
May get some answers or solutions for Small Man.
Who knows.
His medication will be changed, I know that much.
We have physio first at 12.30pm - then the Doc at 3pm - hope he's not tired and cranky from physio....which is 75% likely...
Went to a mates place for a BBQ Saturday night, he has a boy Small Mans age, that is in the same grade/same school.
All they did was play guitar hero, went for a walk up the road, played hide and seek - the normal stuff.
Didn't we know about it the next day! Small Man was so stuffed, he said he felt like he was on drugs or something - he had a real episode, where he was just raving on and on about nothing for 15 minutes, then immediately proceeded to sleep for several hours - it's no life for a just turned 13 year old (birthday pics on facebook!).
Anyway, better go - 12 week work reviews due Wednesday - *sigh* - I'm almost done though, it's nowhere near as stressful as last time - when I didn't have a clue which format was going to be acceptable etc, I only hear about it when it's wrong!
G
xx
