Peaceful

It's very quiet here for 8.45am on a weekday.

I was up an hour and a half before I needed to be due to a phone call I didn't get up in time to answer - don't you just love that?!

Possum has a late start Wednesday, and Small Man doesn't start until 10am.
Possum hasn't noticed any significant change to his energy levels as yet, but then he has had the flu on top of it all so that hasn't helped.

Big A has the week off - lucky! Actually to get a week off he only needs to take 2 x 12 hour night shifts. He needs the rest. He didn't get a chance to fully rest and recuperate after his ear infections recently.

********

I'm off to deliver the work news to one last person, then everyone knows.
Todays will be the hardest....

It's going to be very hectic implementing these changes, but me being me I have thought and re-thought over every last little detail to try and make it as smooth as possible.

I'm not the only one that doesn't like change in our ranks, and my role, as it always has been, is to keep things on an even keel.

I was thinking back over the last ten years, and to when I was first appointed.
What were my goals?
What were my intentions?
-To be the voice for my people
-To 'Make things better'
I feel satisfied at the end of this journey that I have achieved exactly what I set out to.
Sad too to have to let it all go......

I made the decision the other day - it's time to SHINE.
I need to throw myself into this and give it all that I have.
My competitive work nature is starting to resurface.
I don't need to beat or be better than anyone else, I do need to be MY best.

Have a great day,

G
xx

Phew!

I managed to get an appointment for Possum at 11am.

He has a severe vitamin D deficiency - as in normal range starts at 50 - his level was 16.

It could be through lack of sunshine, not enough vitamin D in his diet, or that he not storing vitamin D as he should.

I am so thankful it's something we can fix.

I am also very thankful my GP is so thorough, to have this level long term isn't good.

He is to take 3 vitamin D per day for the next month, then 1 per day, then in 8 weeks go back for re-testing.

Looking forward to a new energised Possum.....

G
xxx

So Anyway....

I rang for Possums blood test results today,
the receptionist said 'the doctor would like to discuss the results with me/us'.

That's fine - if I could get a bloody appointment.
I rang last Tuesday intending on making 2 appointments, one for each son.
The next possible appointment at that stage was next Thursday at 2.30pm - no good for Possum so made it for Small Man.

When I asked to make an appointment today to do the discussing of tests there wasn't one until the week after next!
So I will attempt the old 'ringing up at 8.30am' thing Monday and Tuesday to try and get an appointment.

Possum woke up with the flu this morning.
He has taken today off school, tonight and tomorrow off work...and we'll see about Sunday.
I figure with the way this flu has been going he'll either be much better, or worse within 48 hours.....

It seems I spoke too soon, my head feels terrible today also - I struggled to get up this morning - it feels like the flu coming back to me, which I heard is happening a bit with people.
Great.
Oh well, the house is still in fairly good shape from Tuesday/Wednesday so I can rest a bit today.

The news of the work changes has almost reached all of the other managers now - I have been overwhelmed by the support I have received - one manager (who is not even part of my team) sent me a message while I was on the road yesterday to ask how I was with it all, and offered me some of his area if it would help.
That's just an amazing gesture ~ wow!
He didn't have to do that at all, we really are a caring group that's for sure.

Meanwhile the lower than scum previous GM that ran our company into the ground (specifically so that he could then buy it cheap) has heard what is going on and is contacting others in the same position I currently hold - and offering them jobs with him!!!
His plans failed and he was forced to start his own company - when he left he took all of our information, contact details etc etc.

Oooohhh I HOPE he rings me - I have a piece of my mind just waiting for him.
For one thing I made him aware of the fact (twice) that I was being harassed by one of his managers , and he did nothing about it - so why would I want to go and work for him?
And he is clearly a very dishonest person - so no thanks - I'd rather go down with the ship I'm on.
If nothing else I am 100% loyal.

G
xx

Still Here...

Yes, still here....

Meeting, dinner and 'huge hews disclosure' went fairly well last night - as far as the food went anyway.

I was dreading the whole thing, as you know.
Probably because once they knew, that's it - it's happening.

GX (one of my managers) was totally bamboozled by the new structure - especially as to how it will work for him.
PB already knew - I told him last week - so he was prepped to help explain it all - I don't think having both of them in complete shock would work too well.

PB has been very supportive, he knows the impact of this on me and is trying to help as much as possible - he immediately suggested that I should 'take some of mine' - his area.
GX was told last night that he will need to give some of his to me - but I don't think it's sunken in.
I did have to leave the room when my boss was explaining that they would be no longer under my 'umbrella' - that was a bit hard to take.

So now I have the news to share with one other manager - and it's not good for her. She won't qualify and will have to come back under me, for less commission.

Gee I made one of the nicest lasagne's I've possibly ever cooked though!
I cooked everything Monday night - until the wee hours of Tuesday morning.
A chicken curry that they all raved about - I made up the recipe - I'll be making it again I think :)
And some apple crumble for dessert.
I made extra of each so that I won't have to cook tonight...yay!

I was well and truly ready for bed at 10.30pm - having only had 5 hours sleep the night before.

Today I have felt really, really good.
I'm not sure if it's just that the house is clean and tidy, that last night is now behind me or maybe a combination of both - but gee I have caught up on some small jobs and errands that I've been putting off/haven't had time for - and I have packed my order already which is quite early...

If only I could feel this switched on every day life would be a breeze!

No test results for Possum as yet - I have doubled the iron I am giving him and he seems to have picked up in the last 48 hours - I will ring for the results Friday.
The fact that they haven't called me must be a good sign.

So I'm off now to chill out until Big A gets home,
busy day again tomorrow,

G
xx

p.s. Oh and I've lost almost 4kg.... :)

The Wringer

Possum and his Great Grandma
18th Birthday week 2009
(isn't she tiny!!)

Feeling like I've just been through one today....

No particular reason, just things catching up I guess.

Worried about my eldest son - he has been having bouts of fatigue and lethargy on and off for a while now, gradually worsening (with no sign of any cold/flu etc) - I was finally able to get him in to our GP Tuesday night and he has ordered some blood tests for him.

Wednesday I gave him the day off, having slept for a few hours Tuesday evening, then all night Tuesday night - he then slept until 2pm Wednesday.

This morning was due to be his last day of work placement - he felt so bad once he was up and ready he didn't think he'd be able to drive himself there.
So I had to make the call - do I take him or send him back to bed?
I sent him back to bed - he slept until 3pm.

I called his teacher and explained, and asked if we could organise for him to go to work placement next Thursday for his final day (he didn't want to miss it).
His teacher was chuffed at the idea, so I rang the school he has been working at and asked the same thing - 'Yes, we would love him to come in next week - he's been doing some excellent work while he's been here'.
That was so nice to hear!

He has the first class of the day tomorrow - then nothing until the last class of the day (weird I know) - the blood test is a fasting test - so he will miss the morning class in order to get this test done asap - otherwise it won't be until Monday.

Poor old Possum!

I'm trying not to worry TOO much - but hey, that's what mothers do!

G
xxx

Another Chapter Closes....

Mum called me today.

She talked quite a bit more than usual about her own health and feelings....

Then told me she has been watching 'Find My Family' on tv.......

....and asked if I had ever sought information on my birth parents!

Well, I managed to pick my jaw up from the floor and answer...'Yes...'

She then asked if I had found them, or had any contact.

'Do you really want to know?' I ask

'Yes - having watched the show I really understand this from both sides now and I am o.k. with it'

So I proceeded to fill her in on ALL of it

ALL of the stuff I haven't been able to tell her for the past 17 years - because when I told her I was requesting my information she wasn't ready, and asked please not to tell her what I found out.

So the two separate lives I have been living for 17 years has finally come to an end.

I am relieved.

But still won't be rubbing it in her face - I will be careful how much I discuss NM etc until she gets used to the idea.

I think it helps that she now knows I have known NM for 17 years and nothing has changed between us - not one little bit.
I spent a lot of time reassuring her that I don't consider them my parents in any way whatsoever, and that NM has often said Mum and Dad were meant to be my parents and she couldn't have chosen anyone better for me.

It does make things easier also with the NF situation, because as much as I don't want him in my life I'm pretty sure I haven't heard the last of him.

I told Mum about the time he turned up here for 4-5 days once, and how much of a nervous wreck I was.

Mum felt so sad for NM when I told her the story of when she was pregnant with me and no-one knew, and how she organised my adoption on her own, and how it was never spoken of again after she went home...never...until I turned up 20 years later.

What can I say - my life isn't exactly ordinary eh!
If I were reading this blog I would sometimes wonder if it wasn't fictitious!!! Ha ha!
I can guarantee it isn't!

G
xx

Tick...tick...tick.....

Exactly 7 days to go until the big announcement is made to my managers regarding the new work changes.

I'm dreading it.

I am still majorly upset by the whole thing.

I am trying my hardest to find some positives in it all - but there are very few.

I have decided we should meet here, at my house, rather than in a public venue a) because of the noise factor and b) because of the 'me getting upset' factor.
So I am cooking dinner for us - well it may be the last time we meet formally in our current roles.

I have pretty much shut down over the last few weeks.

I changed my delivery from weekly to fortnightly for the next month at least - to give myself a break before I have to take on a huge team again.

I am really afraid of burning out - I think that is what is behind my reluctance.

I have done all of this before - worked with a big team - it's exhausting.
I have a way of looking after each of my team that is difficult to achieve with large numbers.....

Oh well, we'll see how it goes........

G
xxx

Sharing with you

I need to share this site with you - cos I do 'Love a Bargain'.

I Love A Bargain

I bought a few things from them a few weeks ago - including this:

To wear to Possums birthday party with tights and boots - and I didn't feel too fat in it which is always a bonus :)

Man I am a wreck - I look like absolute crap - and don't feel much better.....bloody flu....

G
xx

Bah!

Big A and his germs have finally caught up to me....flu is imminent

Well, he has a 'severe middle ear infection' as well as the flu for the second time in 6 weeks.

It was going to happen....I am surprised I have managed to avoid it thus far....

Thank you all for your wonderful comments for Small Man....I'll be back to respond to each comment as soon as my head stops playing tricks on me.....

Dreading going to bed cos I may feel worse when I wake up......and have my busiest day Thursday......grrr....

G
xx

HE DID IT !!!!

YAY for Small Man!!

His challenge was to try a burger with lettuce on it.

So we went to HJ's (cos we knew Possum and/or one of Possums friends would be making the burgers).

I waited until 7pm so that he would be hungry.

It was very quiet in there - perfect.

I had already discussed with Possum how much lettuce would be a good amount.

Possum came around to the front counter to double check the order with me - he knew what we were there for and how much of a big deal it was for Small Man....


We sat down, and he got straight to it - taking an enormous bit straight out of the middle of the chicken burger - which had approx 8 shreds of lettuce on it.

Unfortunately he didn't like the lettuce, and we removed what lettuce was left after his big bite.

But hey, he tried to eat it...for the first time in .....well.....maybe his whole life...

This was a massive step forward for him :)

I'm so proud :)

G
xxx

In my head today...

In no particular order:

Sick husbands who have gone to work - flu for the second time in 8 weeks - he was feeling very cranky and over it last night :(

Doctors surgeries who are understaffed and fully booked - I need 3 appointments and could only get one so far for Possum next Tuesday :(
I will need to ring in the morning and hopefully get one for Big A.

Small Man and his food challenge over the next few weeks - he set the challenge himself: to eat a burger with lettuce on it.........

Funny 18 year old boys who thought they'd buy 'strong' mercury cider last night (because it looked nice in the bottle) - and one (not mine) ended up vomiting.
Hey, at least they were in bed early as both had to be up early this morning!

Broilers that break down at Hungry Jacks last night meaning Possum didn't have to work last night, but he has to work tonight.....

Adorable baby singlets and hats that I bought yesterday to go into a bundle for one of Possums friends whose girlfriend is pregnant.....that then made me dream about having another baby myself....

Why I have to wait 6 weeks to make these changes with work, and how it will affect two friends that are in the same position as me (one may have no other choice than to get another job)....and just how much I hate keeping secrets like this...

How much work there is to do around here and wondering when I'll ever get a chance to do it

Receiving a genuine apology and being asked for forgiveness goes a long way and mends bridges for sure

Extreme gratitude for Small Mans Monday Afternoon 'Thing' with a teacher and a teachers aide between him and his mate for two hours - yesterday they made muffins - Mum went to the op shop :)

Worrying about one of my team - he had a fall last weekend and has 15 stitches above his eye - he was so badly concussed he was still unable to keep any food down Thursday when I saw him :(
I have had to MAKE him take a few weeks off.
Another is just waiting on a call for her second hip replacement, she was booked in for last Friday but was cancelled - the hospital does this often but it means she's almost there

Trying to make time to take Small Man to the new aquatic centre, as we told the exercise physiologist we would try and do...and wondering if his bathers still fit..........

Feeling like I need a whole week off before this changeover - I am going to need at least double the team members for it to be remotely worth my while....and that's a bit of work.....wondering if I am up to it?
Then knowing that I have to be....but at the moment I feel like I've been through a blender or something

So yeah....not much going on in my head at all today!!!

G
xxx

..and somehow Toni & I ended up at a strip club...*ahem*....Part 2...

**Possum in the green shirt!**

It was pretty much as I expected.

Not a huge place, a bar to the left as you walk in, a stage at the back of the club with a 'dancers pole'.

Quite a few people there.

I was surprised and relieved that there were a few other women in the place (that weren't on stage!).

Our lads headed straight down to sit in the front row, staring directly at the dancer on stage.......their heads didn't move for at least 30 minutes!! Ha ha!

The dancers walked through the crowd occasionally, slightly covered up.

Toni finally arrived about 15 minutes after us - phew!!
She looked beautiful as usual.
It was great I got to meet the love of her life, and 'C' her mate.

It was extremely loud at the club which didn't leave a lot of room for conversation.

The dancers changed around every 20-30 minutes or so.

It was all quite amatuer-ish in my opinion, most couldn't use the pole, and weren't quite what you might expect - actually there was one that Big A reckoned he would pay to keep her clothes ON.....
Most didn't take much off....only one went topless and she was the youngest girl at 18 (we found out because Possum was talking to her).

Toni and I decided we could give a few of them a run for their money, but you know us...busy, busy, busy - no time for getting our gear off on stage...oh well!

We stayed for about an hour and a half maybe.

I was starting to get a bit bored to be honest, I mean what does a straight woman do at a strip club when there are only women on stage?
It's that whole thing about having a look, but if you look for too long people may start to wonder!!
Is there a balance there? I'm not sure!!

Toni and her lovely man and 'C' had to leave for another party.
It was great to catch up with her, if only for a little while, and the noise stopped us from being able to talk much....

Possum and friends decided they would go to another pub.


We stayed at the club little longer.


PB, Big A, one of Possums mates and I decided we would get a cab and go home.

On our way to the taxi rank we ran into Possum and his mate ~ the pub they were going to was packed, and they couldn't be bothered queuing up

So we all got a maxi cab together

It was a great night, I was pleased that Possum and his friend (who was staying with us) all came home together.

If I'd had too much time to think about it I probably wouldn't have gone, but as Big A said he'd rather go with Possum and friends and supervise (from a distance) for something like this - and Possum wasn't bothered at all that his parents, uncle and PB were all there too.
Given the week we'd had it was a great way to lighten the mood.

What great memories of our eldest son's 18th Birthday :)

G
xxx

Thoughts Gathered...

He wants me to be his daughter.

I don't need or want him to be my father.

The only person I will ever know and love as a father died suddenly and unexpectedly of a massive heart attack when I was 20 years old.

I was grief stricken for many years.

And that's where the guilt came in the other night I think.....

I'm not looking for a replacement.

Especially someone who is everything I'm not, and such hard work.

I am letting him go, if he or his family contact me (which I don't think they will) I will deal with it then.

Pleased I sorted that out.

Thank you for your thoughts,

G
xxx

Another twist in the plot....

Well I'm back and trying to get life 'back to normal' - well as normal as life gets around here that is.

More on the 'Hub' story later...

Gee I've been saying that a lot lately!

Pop's funeral was a lovely tribute to a wonderful man in his 100th year.
No religion - whatsoever.
It was a short service, a private funeral so a nice intimate group of immediate family.
My sons haven't attended a funeral before, so it was a 'better' one for their first.
There were tears but not the devastation of funerals I have attended in the past, which was nice.
We had lunch at Big A's Auntys house after, it was nice to catch up with them all, but I was my usual quiet self in the group - listening and observing more than talking.

A twist was thrown into my already overwhelming week Tuesday night.
I'm still not sure how I feel about it.

I received a message from my natural mother (NM) to say my natural father (NF) was in Hobart hospital for the second time in 2 weeks.
How ironic that we were in Hobart at the time!!!
I didn't even know he lived back down there.
Anyway NM's sister works at the hospital, she wasn't allowed to say why he was there, but that he was and that he's been talking about me a lot.
*sigh*

The story with him goes - long story very short - he first found out about me when I was 25 (her choice). I met him back then, but the boys didn't know who he was.
He kept in touch, but I was a bit surprised when I got to know him.

He is a big drinker, smokes dope and gambles.
He has to be the centre of attention all the time - gets all over me and generally makes me feel embarrassed and uncomfortable.
He would ring up drunk quite often.
He also has 3 other children - 1 in New Zealand, 2 in Queensland - all boys, I am the eldest.
There could also be another daughter - he's not sure.

He refuses to respect the fact that Mum doesn't know I've had contact with my 'other family' and at the time the boys didn't know either - too many secrets for them to keep from Grandma, too complicated.......
He actually made the statement once that:
'Perhaps when your Mum dies you can tell the boys then'
and called Mum and Dad my 'foster parents' - I could have strangled him.
He has a complete lack of respect for the only people I will ever know as my parents.
NM on the other hand has nothing but gratitude for my parents, she said she could go through the phone book from A-Z and not choose anyone better.

So anyway he has been out of contact for a few years now and I was glad.
If he finds out the boys know who he is I will never get rid of him.
I don't mean that to sound horrible, it's true.
When I told the boys the 'NF' that turned up and invited himself to stay that time is actually your natural grandfather they were a bit horrified - he is everything I am not.

NM just let me know so that I'd know, there is never any pressure from her.
His family were a different story trying to force me to be part of his life, I'm so surprised they haven't rung me.

The weird thing is that I actually felt guilty last night for not going to see him

I have NFI why.

Maybe it's just the way I was raised, that was the 'right thing to do' - but if I did it would open up another can of worms I just don't need right now.

My life was never destined for simplicity was it............

G
xxx