Defeating defeated-ness

All quiet here tonight

A nice bbq tea - just us.

This week:

We had a lovely Oz Day with friends - they have a huge house and entertaining area with inground pool - Big A made the most of that.
Very enjoyable and relaxing day.

I had a visit from a friend - first time she's been over here, we usually catch up online - our husbands work together and we each have an 18 and 15 year old, although she has a 20 year old too.
We have known 'of' each other for years, but really 'met' last year when we went to their house for a bonfire - we hit it off really well.

Work wise the shit is hitting the fan all around - 2 managers from Tas have resigned since December.....one was my level, the other the next step down.....

One of my girls is pregnant, I didn't think I'd ever have that hurdle to get over as most are retirement age, however this lady has only just turned 30, already has 3 children.....I can't see work being a priority soon somehow!!!
I just hope she is/going to be happy, she was really struggling with the kids/work etc and she and her husband have had ongoing problems.....
So another worry on top of meeting the criteria.
Basically, if I don't have 4 people ordering over $150 each I don't get paid.
It's crazy.
I had 2 people do $1000 each in my first week back - if I hadn't had 2 others ordering as well I'd have got SWEET F.A. for ordering it/packing it/delivering it/collecting the money for it and banking......
I was already 1 short this week, and the pregnant ladys husband told me this morning that she hasn't 'done any books' this week.....so I may be stuffed as it looks like 3 orders at this stage....

I don't know, everyone is unhappy (managers), everyone I have spoken to has said 'if something else comes up work wise I'm leaving....'
Not that it affects me directly anymore but it's a real shame - they're going to lose years and years of experience at this rate.
Currently there isn't a manager down the NW coast.....
Too far away for me to even consider it!


My order was 24hours late without notification until the time it was due - GRRRRR - they are so slack - it puts me under the most extreme pressure when this happens.......not the companys fault, the courier. Add this to the mix and man, it all seems like a really shitful idea.....

I have been considering my options, should this not work out over the next few months....


Possum has been a bit quiet and slightly withdrawn, not socialising or wanting to, just home all the time unless he's at work.
He and SM have been out shopping a few times, but apart from that......
I am keeping an eye on him.
I let it go for a few weeks then suggested to him that we put his medication back up to where it was 12 months ago - he agreed.
If that's the amount that's right for him then that's the amount that's right.
We have tried decreasing and it hasn't worked.

Trying to get in to our GP to get some forms signed and tests done for Small Man, he needs more blood tests and an ultrasound of his liver......I couldn't get an appointment for at least 10 days from when I rang, so have to resort to ringing up every morning at 8.30am and trying to get one for that day....

This stupid sinus infection has flared back up again - which is why I have been such the absent blogger lately - last week was terrible just a short walk to the garage was waay too hard...it drains me completely.

My brother has had his heart broken again - so has been leaning on me for support.
I am doing my best but I seem to be saying the same things over and over.
He really needs to see a counsellor on a longer term basis to sort out ALL of the crap he has had in his life.....
In my opinion he is over reacting to this relationship ending, which wasn't really a full on relationship.
Which means it's not actually about THIS, it's about everything else he hasn't dealt with....and for that he needs a professional counsellor - not his tired/stressed/haggard old sister....

Michael came to visit yesterday - he is still visibly quite unwell - but he is allowed to drive - it was great to see him - poor kid he's been through the wringer.


I just felt so...it's hard to describe...but defeated best covers it....this afternoon.

Not just work but everything, I mean really, WTF?!

So many things on my mind at the moment it's ridiculous!!!

So I lay on the couch and listened to my Jon Gabriel CD and just chilled out for a while, not thinking I should be doing this, or I should be doing that.....stuff it.....I'm no robot after all ;)

Feeling more positive tonight.

How are you?

G
xxx

Thoughts and Prayers

My thoughts and prayers are with Michelle and her family today,

and for the days that are ahead of them.

There really are no words.....

G
xxx

Breach of privacy?

So angry.....

I found out why Possum didn't get the traineeship.

Only two were interviewed, and it was close.

The reason Possum didn't get the job?

The high school rang the college he attended in 08/09....

Not sure if you remember the 'trouble' Possum had in grade 11?

Some of the students made a website about the principal, Possum's involvement was limited to contributing a silly photo by email.
I had discussions with the vice principal and teachers involved in IT at the school.
In the end they conceded that Possums involvement was minimal, and that we would 'start grade 12 with a clean slate'.
During all of this the IT technician developed an extreme dislike for the whole class, and was apparently harassing one of the students outside school hours - the kids were reluctant to say anything - so I told the vice principal he needed to be aware there was more to the situation....

Anyway - the high school contacted the college for a referral for Possum.
For some reason they spoke to the IT technician - he found it necessary to tell them that Possum had been involved in 'trouble' at the college - so he didn't get the job.

To start with he isn't even a teacher at the school - and what right does he have discussing this??

Is Possum never going to get a job because of a silly photo??
Is it going to follow him around forever????

Surely this is a breach of his privacy?

I thought colleges were meant to help you get a job.

Just another brick in the fucking wall with them........

Any thoughts would be much appreciated,

I'm PISSED....extremely PISSED.

G
xxx

Labyrinthitis

Michael called SM tonight, he has ' labyrinthitis'

I'm so pleased he is ok/going to be ok.

He is unable to drive - unable to work (for a month) - but is ok - phew....


G
xx

Good news for my 500th post :)

No news

We still haven't heard how Michael is going, I am assuming he is still at the hospital with a flat mobile phone, or he isn't allowed to use it....

Spoke with Dr Matt today....hmmm....some delay is inevitable......

I told him if I have to get off this phone and tell Small Man it may not happen/or he has to wait a few YEARS he WILL NOT COPE......

In the end he conceded that this is the only option for SM, and he has committed to co-ordinating the process, including meeting with the surgeon, meeting with the board of the hospital to get permission, organising the whole care package......etc

He has given me 6 months as the timeline.....

If it doesn't happen I will have no choice but to go privately.

And I will.

G
xx

Healing Please? xx

Small Mans closest friend Michael is in hospital....

He has been getting migraines for months, then today he sent a msg to SM that he's in hospital 'something to do with his eyes'.

SM called him and he was crying...in pain....

I may have written of him here before.

He is actually Possums age - he turned 19 on Monday, was in Possums grade at school (thats how they met) - but he and SM hit it off immediately and have been firm friends for the last few years - the three get on well but there's such a strong bond between SM and Michael.....

He is often here, and I introduce him as 'my other boy'....and when I strip the spare bed in SM's room it's 'Michaels bed'

He comes and stays with SM at least once every fortnight, sometimes twice in a week, it depends.
This has been great for SM, a break from entertaining for Possum, or often Possum is at work.

I have noticed the amount of paracetamol/ibuprofen he has been taking has increased recently.....to include codeine.
You can see that he is in pain, a few times he has curled up on the couch nearly asleep.....

We are just waiting for some news.....it's been a few hours now.....

Possum is doing a great job of distracting SM at the moment......

I hope they finally find the problem and help him, clearly whatever it is has gotten much, much worse..........


G
xxx

The sound of silence....

WOW!

I actually spent 7.5 hours in the house ALONE yesterday......

Crikeys!

I deliberately left everyhting off.....you could hear a mouse fart I'm not kidding!

Small Man has gone to stay at his mate AJ's house, Possum was at work and the Big A went to Hobart to the races......

Still waiting to hear from Dr Matt about our appointment......Big A has offered to do my job for me while we are over there (it's going to be a Thursday, Thursdays are simply a nightmare for me to not be here)....

Had a great discussion with AJ's Mum about the possibilities AFTER SM loses his weight.....AJ is a big boy too - actually bigger than SM in both height and weight so she understands COMPLETELY....
Little things, like how nice it will be to walk into any shop and buy clothes for him...

How I could hang his t-shirts on the clothes horse (they won't fit at the moment)

How I won't get those stares - mainly from older women I have found - I know what they are thinking..... and I'd love to say 'walk a mile in my shoes duck, walk a mile...'......not to mention the looks I get when I have both SM & AJ - ha ha ha!

For all seat belts to fit....we found with Big A's new 4wd that the back seat belt lengths are shorter than average...and barely fit

Standard coat hangers are too small!!!

Not to have to buy re-inforced beds.....both boys have broken at least one bed by sitting on it together.....then again they don't make things like they used to....

We joke about taking them to an 'all you can eat' buffet....and the waiters/staff getting nervous when they show up - ha ha ha ha!!

Also we joked about sending them both to 'sit on santas knee' - PML!!!
They have a combined weight of around 280kg....

It's been nice to have someone to share it with, that understands the trials these guys go through every single day - the chafing if they walk too far, the strain on the knees.....and so on....they both have SED as well, AJ can tolerate slightly more than SM....

It's also nice that it's not a one sided friendship, and SM is welcome to stay with them anytime.....it gives me a break, which I rarely get.
Not that he is any trouble or extra work for me, but just being with me 24/7 for the last (almost) 4 years......we both need a little break occasionally.....

We are hoping when SM starts to trim down it will motivate AJ to do the same....they are moving to a bigger house, and will have a gym set up in the spare room, that will be excellent :)

G
xx

Well it's official....

I am officially demoted - as of yesterday afternoon.

I logged into the company website......and one of my managers has disappeared from the fold....

The two that are still on there haven't sent their agreements in as yet.....

I started back with a reasonably good week - two of my ladies had sales of $1000 each which is brilliant.
Some are yet to start up again for the year, which is actually fine, I am happy to ease into this new world of change, although I did feel nervous seeing my new 'title' plastered all over my web page....

The meeting went very well yesterday, the team is organised and know what they need to do and when they are expected to do it.....

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

An email from Dr Matt last night - wants to see us mid February.....

Goody!

G
xx

Today

Up and at 'em at some ungodly hour.....7am...tsk!

Only because I had to mind you - once again the Big A asks 'I thought you were supposed to be on holidays' - yeah - holidays.......sure.....

Feeling a bit better today, a walk up our fairly steep driveway yesterday proved that I wasn't as 'better' as I thought I was......

Planning to get the darn xmas tree down and away today - just a bit overdue but anyway, ya get that!

Having a back to work type of meeting with my team tomorrow, first lot of orders for the year to go in tomorrow - then not much to do for another week, then it's full on again.......bugger....

This whole not working thing has been quite nice - I could get used to it......but then I'd probably be bored/broke and looking for something to do after a few weeks......

Had a quick chat with my GP regarding my hormone levels/issues - he said it's quite possible that I could be pre-menopausal - which I already guessed.
I can't have my hormone levels checked while I'm on the pill - and am not prepared to go off it - for what?
To gain another shitload of weight, just to have confirmed what I already know? No thanks....
I'll let it ride for a while......despite the fact that I know it's a major factor contributing to my inability to lose weight

Trying not to smoke so as not to aggravate my chest - which then raises the quitting question.
I want to get a concrete date for Small Mans operation first - so that I can plan to do champix before or after.
If only it was as easy as deciding not to smoke any more......

I have been checking out some lap band forums, just to be ready.
Some of the before and after photos are amazing.
Teenagers/younger people seem to have a greater success rate, faster results.
Which has been my argument all along - younger = faster metabolism + greater skin elasticity which shrinks better so less need for plastic surgery correction later + generally healthier (eg not yet diabetic) so less likely to have complications.....
I just hope he doesn't have to wait too long, hell we've been waiting 2 years already....time for mama to get a bit pushy....not an easy thing for me!!

So I'll just be happy to get the tree down and packed away, some general tidying, a bit of washing and maybe an agenda done for tomorrow - that's all.
We'll see.
I have a tendency to radically over do it when I get a bit of energy :)

Better go - sounds like the dog has found an echidna....or a dirty great tiger snake.....

G
xx

On my mind today.....in no particular order....

Wondering when it's all going to happen (Small Mans Op)..

Pleased I kept all of his clothes over the last few years - looks like he'll be needing those smaller sizes :)

How will it work with the band fills (the amount of liquid in the band needs adjusting to make it tighter or looser)
Who will be able to do it for him here?
Or will we be flying to Melbourne every 6 weeks?

Pleased I have prepared for this financially....

Realising that at age 15 this is still contoversial - and not giving a rats clacker!

Pleased the outlaws visit is over........stress much?

Pleased I did the whole major spring clean thing beforehand though..

Pleased the antibiotics seem to be starting to dry up the erky bits in my nose/chest.....hoping to feel a lot better tomorrow....today - meh, I'll just ride today out.....

Actually not worried about my prescription repeats, my GP has authority to do them for 3 months at a time, until something is sorted

Grateful for ducted air conditioning....very grateful today!!!

Better get on and register for the medicare safety net......and the prescription one.....bah!!!

Hopefully I'll feel up to taking the xmas tree down tomorrow....ooops!!!

G
xx

So after all of that....

I went to the GP to find out the 'verdict' of those stupid appointments I had a few months ago - to continue to get authorities for my medication.....

Stupid wanks haven't even sent the letter!!!!!
After all their bullshit and carrying on, rules and regulations....they can't even post a letter.

So anyway - I happened to cough while I was there - which led to a look at the throat and a listen to the chest - red throat, running sinuses and a chest infection/wheezing...... hmmm.....thought I felt a bit crap lately......have been coughing since about boxing day, maybe longer....

So I will be enjoying my final few days of holidays in a resting type fashion, I'll be no good to anyone if I'm not in decent health....

Thanks so much for your comments on my last post........there has been a big shift in the atmosphere here over the last few days :)

Ironically, Small Man told his Grandpa Wednesday night "I would love to just wake up tomorrow and they say 'yes, you can have the operation' !"

Well that's pretty much what happened - I woke him up to tell him of Matt's email.......

G
xxx

FINALLY...the news I have been waiting for...for like 2 years or something

An email from Doctor Matt this morning.

He is seeing Professor D. in ten days 'to definitely discuss 'banding' Small Man'

In other words, he is organising Small Man's lap band operation.

He has decided against the intragastric balloon, good choice I say.....

WOW....after all this time......I cried when I read his email......relief, excitement......an end is in sight...at last....



G
xx

I'll Be Back

Hmm...I did a search on 'frantic cleaning' and the pic above came up (along with some gay porn....??)....and I thought 'Why yes, I am wearing that at the moment, AND using that thing to get the cobwebs' - ha ha ha!
Not quite!

The outlaws will be here Wednesday, so you know what that means...............

Oh yes.......it's the annual marathon.......

So far, so good.

Have paced myself rather well......

Still a bit to do tomorrow - hell you wouldn't want to vacuum too early/far before the event around here.......


I was overwhelmed by the special, wonderful, amazing Happy Birthdays I received yesterday, especially on facebook - WOW!!
Feeling very loved by my friends.
Thank you :)

I'll be back when the lack of dust settles.....hee hee :)

G
xx

A spectacular show

Photos courtesy of www.themercury.com.au - readers pics

These shots were taken around Hobart, we were up at the highland lakes, and had the most spectacular view.

The lightning was striking all around us. It was the show of a lifetime - I have never witnessed lightning quite like it.

We had fireworks, but the lightning, well......!

An end to another year.

Too many deaths around me - 6 in total - family, family of close friends.....

Small Man lost a hero in Jimmy Sullivan 'The Rev' - drummer for Small Man's beloved band 'Avenged Sevenfold' - on the 28th December - only 28 years old and another death put down to 'natural causes' - nothing natural about dying at 28 if you ask me......

I don't do new year resolutions - never have.

I'll be 38 on Sunday......jeepers.


Happy New Year everyone,

G
xx