A Pair Of Brothers

The week before Small Man was born, the doctor asked 3 and a half year old Z17 what he was hoping for - a baby sister or a baby brother - Z17 replied "A baby bruvva" (brother, we had issues with 'th' words!).

At 11.20pm on 22nd November 1994 he was granted his wish!
A dear little brother weighing only 6lb 9 oz

He has adored him ever since.

Despite their age difference, and the fact that they are different in every way they are very close.


This week Z17 became the proud owner of an iphone - and is now 'on a plan'.
He already had a near new sony ericsson camera phone.
He was offered $200 for it from a guy at school.

He gave it to his brother.

Even though his 'little' brother is now bigger than him, he still adores him.

So sweet.

G
xx

The Lead Up...

The delightfully 'outrageous flirt' Lou has written some truly lovely things about me in this post.
If I ever needed inspiration - Lou is giving it to me - in bucketloads!

I haven't really written much about this, so thought maybe now is the time.

I will try and cut a very long story short.

In May 1999 I felt like I was coming down with 'something' - not to let this deter me however I hit the clubs with a very dear friend who was visiting, on leave from the RAAF.

The next day I could barely move.

I had a rash.
My arms and legs were beyond heavy.
I managed to see a GP.
He 'had never seen anything like it before' (my rash).
I didn't improve.
I was getting pins and needles in my head/face.
I had black 'spots' in my vision (floaters).
My hands were turning blue.
My hands shook and I started dropping things.

From here I saw doctor after doctor -a neurologist (who told me I had a severe anxiety disorder, and basically to take a valium and get over it), a second neurologist - I flew to another state for this one - to be told I have migraine. I also saw a physician and several skin specialists - all very different diagnoses.

The fatigue lasted many months.
My weight plummeted. I weighed 52kg (114 pounds).
In the end I resigned myself to the fact that I was just mental, lazy, or simply undiagnosable.

As quickly as it arrived - one day I woke up and my arms felt really 'light'.
It was gone.

Approx 6 months later - it was back with a vengeance.

This led to further pointless doctors appointments.
Actually - the only doctor that ever believed this wasn't all 'in my head' was, interestingly, Z17 ADD specialist - a psychiatrist no less. I think he would have a very good idea of what crazy looked like. If it weren't for his support I may have gone over the edge because of the hell those doctors put me through.

Eventually, after many MRI's, blood tests, you name it - I saw a rheumatologist in around 2003.
He gave me a diagnosis of Lupus.
I honestly believe he told me this to shut me up.
After giving me the diagnosis, loosely based on symptoms alone (I have NEVER had a positive blood test for Lupus), I was put on plaquenil first, which didn't work, then steroids.

At the last visit rheumy told me to 'come back when your major organs start shutting down'. Nice.
I decided my GP was the best person to manage my medication.

The steroids worked well, it was amazing to feel 'normal' again.
These were increased from 30mg per day - to up to 75mg per day.
I ended up taking these for over 6 months.
Every day I could feel myself 'puffing up' a little.
In the end I had gained around 15kg (33lbs).
Coming off the steroids was awful - for the first few weeks it was much like being back to square one.

Emotionally - I was spent. Having spent such a long time feeling terrible, with breaks in between of feeling normal, and the scathing comments from these 'specialists' took their toll.

I even lost 'friends' over this.
People that didn't believe me.
People that told me I was 'depressed' (I did try anti-depressants for 12 months, just to prove a point - they didn't make the slightest bit of difference).
I am better off without ALL of them and haven't missed a single one.


I retreated into my shell.

I was always afraid of 'doing too much' for fear of bringing the fatigue back.

Thankfully, touch wood I haven't seen any sign of it's return.
I know the warnings - and heed them!
The pattern is usually a burst of energy which lasts for a few days - I start spring cleaning or something similar - then I fall into a heap.

I may never know what the cause of this was.
But I did find out who my friends were, and learnt how to 'cut people loose' whether they be doctors or 'friends'.
As for the doctors, in the end if I didn't like the way they treated me (the smart arsed comments, the 'oh here we go' or the 'hypochondriac' looks) - I simply refused to pay the bill.

So now, all that's left to finish is the weight I gained.
I think the steroids have mucked up my metabolism.
So as Lou explained, the process is a slow one.

But I am as determined as I'll ever be to make it happen.
The support I am getting here on my blog is helping me so much.

Thank you Lou,

G
xx

And then...

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts yesterday.
Things have a way of creeping up and....BAM...whacking you fair in the face when you least expect it.
I am also the queen of delayed reaction.


Preparing for a new week.
Back to school....Ugghh....I have enjoyed the late starts/late finishes to the day which suit me, and always have!

A slower week work wise which fits in well with getting back into the school routine.
No order to pack this week - I had two off for the holidays, and one away for a few days to see a specialist in Hobart - so we didn't quite reach our minimum $1000 to have our order shipped.
New manager CM told me to let her know if we ever find ourselves in that situation again - and she will lower my minimum to $500 - wow - told you she was awesome.
In the past that would never had been allowed - it'd be "Nope - tough, too bad nothing I can do about it".
We still had an awesome week all up - it was just my personal team that were lagging a bit - but we will do 3 times better this week - so it's all good.

My brothers 40th birthday is fast approaching.
He is having approx 50 guests to a catered bbq at his house on the 4th October.
I asked him up here this morning to discuss lists and needs and delegating.
He's still single :-( so needs help with these things - otherwise we may get out there to find not enough cutlery or some small thing he wouldn't think of (toilet paper, cleaning the back deck, glasses etc etc).
So we have organised chairs/table/music/lighting/decorations also platters of nibbles, cleaning and so on.
It's going to be a great night!
We weren't close growing up - even though I have always been his sister and it was never about my being adopted - he was a typical older brother I guess. The only time he'd talk to me as a teenager was to order me out of the bathroom, or to offer me $5 to wash his car.
When his ex girlfriend was pregnant with his daughter, and left him, we became quite close.
I remember talking to him on the phone one night for an hour - an hour - my brother - talking - no way!!!
And of course with having his daughter every second Saturday night he's needed help along the way.
I put together a nice room for her at his house - her own room with fairy doona cover and Beatrix potter pictures on the wall, and curtains to match, a few Winnie the Pooh items thrown in.
Hey it wouldn't win any designer award (most was good quality stuff from the op shop, and I would have loved to paint the walls) but it was little girlish, clean, tidy and comfortable - and she loves her room at Daddy's.

Little One is now four years old - very gorgeous - very independent and organised (Mum has done a great job), she knows her routine and sticks to it.
Last time she came to stay at Daddy's he tells me they had a 'party' with party hats, paper plates etc - just the two of them - he said "We were going to have our party in the shed, but it was too cold" - how sweet!!
He's a good Dad, our Dad would be proud.

Now what to buy him for his birthday....he has given me some ideas but....??

G
xxx

Pondering...

So the dust has finally settled.

Things are going great.

I should feel great too, right?

No, not just yet.

I still jump when the phone rings.

I'm still saving my energy 'just in case'.

After living on adrenalin, on edge and in fear for the last 3 years I suppose there is some sort of lag time after it's done.

Sometimes I think this whole drama has affected me more than I've let on.
I don't think I could ever put into words how it made me feel.

My recent posts have pointed out the highlights - I'm probably not wanting to admit my low lights - and there are a few just lurking beneath the surface.

I've made a few big steps though - going to a bigger shopping centre TWICE on my own in the last two weeks.
Not a big deal to your average person.
A massive deal for someone that is has been struggling with agoraphobia.
When in reality I feel more like crawling into a hole right now than I ever have.

Lack of time off has probably caught up too.
The week I had in Melbourne with Small Man recently was the first 'time off' I'd had in 18 months. That's shit!
Why? Because I couldn't trust HER to look after my team.

And I'm still angry.
Angry that someone could treat anyone this way and get away with it (on a physical level).
I know being angry won't change anything, or affect her, or get me anywhere, but I'm angry anyway.

I suppose all of this will take a bit of time to mend,
and thinking that just getting a new manager (who is awesome by the way!) would 'fix' everything.
Not so. Not straight away.

The weight loss is very slow.
Anyone else that was eating what I am at the moment would have lost at least double what I have so far.
But I'm a patient/persistant sort of gal so I'm hanging in there.
At least I know I'm healthy.

Just have to sort my head out now!

Time is an excellent healer,
how many times have I said that very thing to others.

G
xxx

Random post about random stuff...

I've been buzzing around in my usual style.
Trying to remember that although it's school holidays I can't actually sleep in every day!
Caught up with my 'peeps' - two yesterday, two so far today, one this afternoon, one Saturday.
We are doing extremely well - my team on a whole that is - we were 1. Top District last week for the previous two weeks - also we were no 1, 2, 3 and 5 on the managers ladder.
I seem to spend half of my life on the phone, or meeting with my peeps these days but that's o.k. the results are worth it.

So far everyone I've spoken to has mentioned tomatoes as a trigger for gout - which is odd because they aren't on the acidic chart...hmm...I will take that under advisement though.
The alkaline food balancing is going well - I haven't missed bread/pasta/potatoes at all - I made myself a stir fry of marinated chicken and veggies the other night - the veggies I had were full of beans though - so I picked them out! Beans are on the acidic list.
Sticking with my meal replacements - they are $4.30 each so some days I have only one - other days (when I'm too busy to prepare something) I'll have two.
My scales are buggered so it's hard to tell exactly how much I've lost - they seem to fluctuate wildly - anything up to 4kg (even if you weigh yourself at exactly the same time of the day) if you move them to a different area of the floor they give a different result.....hmmm!

Still no word on the Xenical............

We have ANOTHER dinner next Friday night - this one is for long service - you get to go at 10, 15 and 20 years - then after 25 years you go every year.
It's not as much of a semi formal/dressing up event as the last one we went to.
Should be nice - they really laid it on at the last one.
The only issue at this stage is that Z17 is working from 5.30pm til midnight - that's o.k. but it means Small Man will be here on his own from 7pm.
He's fine here on his own - but I worry he'll get lonely or sad.
I may be able to organise something - and Z17 is trying to swap shifts - which won't be easy as apparently "There's no-one else as good as him" that can take his shift, aside from one guy, and we're not sure if he can do it.

So that's all of my news for today - told you it would be random!!

G
xx

Alkaline vs Acidic

Well I have been doing some research into acidity (in my quest to ensure I avoid another 'attack' of gout).

I found some interesting articles on acidity and alkalinity.

If you feel out of 'balance' this article makes a lot of sense.

It includes a list of health issues which can be attributed to acidosis (from eating a diet that's too acidic).
Gout isn't on the list but kidney stones are (often caused by a build up of uric acid too).

There are other more comprehensive lists I found showing high alkaline/alkaline/low alkaline then high acidic/acidic/low acidic - but this one is a good start.

Just thought I'd share this one with you all ;-)

G
xx

ALKALIZING FOODS VEGETABLES Garlic Asparagus Fermented Veggies Watercress Beets Broccoli Brussel sprouts Cabbage Carrot Cauliflower Celery Chard Chlorella Collard Greens Cucumber Eggplant Kale Kohlrabi Lettuce Mushrooms Mustard Greens Dulce Dandelions Edible Flowers Onions Parsnips (high glycemic) Peas Peppers Pumpkin Rutabaga Sea Veggies Spirulina Sprouts Squashes Alfalfa Barley Grass Wheat Grass Wild Greens Nightshade Veggies FRUITS Apple Apricot Avocado Banana (high glycemic) Cantaloupe Cherries Currants Dates/Figs Grapes Grapefruit Lime Honeydew Melon Nectarine Orange Lemon Peach Pear Pineapple All Berries Tangerine Tomato Tropical Fruits Watermelon PROTEIN Eggs Whey Protein Powder Cottage Cheese Chicken Breast Yogurt Almonds Chestnuts Tofu (fermented) Flax Seeds Pumpkin Seeds Tempeh (fermented) Squash Seeds Sunflower Seeds Millet Sprouted Seeds Nuts OTHER Apple Cider Vinegar Bee Pollen Lecithin Granules Probiotic Cultures Green Juices Veggies Juices Fresh Fruit Juice Organic Milk (unpasteurized) Mineral Water Alkaline Antioxidant Water Green Tea Herbal Tea Dandelion Tea Ginseng Tea Banchi Tea Kombucha SWEETENERS Stevia SPICES/SEASONINGS Cinnamon Curry Ginger Mustard Chili Pepper Sea Salt Miso Tamari All Herbs ORIENTAL VEGETABLES Maitake Daikon Dandelion Root Shitake Kombu Reishi Nori Umeboshi Wakame Sea Veggies ACIDIFYING FOODS FATS & OILS Avocado Oil Canola Oil Corn Oil Hemp Seed Oil Flax Oil Lard Olive Oil Safflower Oil Sesame Oil Sunflower Oil FRUITS Cranberries GRAINS Rice Cakes Wheat Cakes Amaranth Barley Buckwheat Corn Oats (rolled) Quinoi Rice (all) Rye Spelt Kamut Wheat Hemp Seed Flour DAIRY Cheese, Cow Cheese, Goat Cheese, Processed Cheese, Sheep Milk Butter NUTS & BUTTERS Cashews Brazil Nuts Peanuts Peanut Butter Pecans Tahini Walnuts ANIMAL PROTEIN Beef Carp Clams Fish Lamb Lobster Mussels Oyster Pork Rabbit Salmon Shrimp Scallops Tuna Turkey Venison PASTA (WHITE) Noodles Macaroni Spaghetti OTHER Distilled Vinegar Wheat Germ Potatoes DRUGS & CHEMICALS Chemicals Drugs, Medicinal Drugs, Psychedelic Pesticides Herbicides ALCOHOL Beer Spirits Hard Liquor Wine BEANS & LEGUMES Black Beans Chick Peas Green Peas Kidney Beans Lentils Lima Beans Pinto Beans Red Beans Soy Beans Soy Milk White Beans Rice Milk Almond Milk

I'm becoming an old....MAN!

It's true.

I have GOUT.

Shut up - it's not funny!!!!!!

I too thought only old men that drink far too much get gout.

Apparently not.

What next? Coughing up gorbies and spitting them on the front porch??

It's possibly the change to my diet that's done it.
Too much uric acid or some crap.

I woke up with it yesterday morning.

Last night was by far the worst - I barely slept - I was up at 3am with my new best friend - NUROFEN.

Stange body I have.

We have a glitch in the Xenical proceedings.
Dr Matt said he thought he was there...but it won't be til mid next week.
Good job I'm patient.
Haven't told Small Man yet........

Bugger.

Oh well I'll hobble off and assemble my new storage thingy that arrived today.
Big A is away for the weekend and I had lots planned (gorby hocking etc)......

G
xx

Thrillsville....

That about sums it up!

On the home front:

We have received our approval for Small Man's Xenical.
This is good!
It took the full 8 weeks to get approved but anyway....
We'll see how it goes.
The benefits to removing the fat from what he eats is that his liver should improve, and his weight should decrease.
I'm saying should - I think he'll need to see some results to motivate him.
That's o.k. - it has been 2 and a half years after all.

No word from the principal re: Z17- apparently it mustn't have been the big deal it was presented to us as - or he may have replied....who knows.
Or maybe there is another reason?

Z17 is as happy as a pig in poop - he will be receiving penalty rates for weekends at HJ's from now (25% extra Saturdays, 75% extra Sundays - awesome!) and he also got a 70 cent per hour pay rise - woo hoo!

I have ordered a few things for around the house - I have been waiting for a shoe rack for the last 3 or 4 years...but there was always something we needed more.
I can be patient.
I have also felt stressed every time I walk into our wardrobe as it needs more shelving or a shoe rack - so have solved both problems and ordered these from deals direct:

The shelf unit was $59.95 - the shoe rack $29.95 - and they had free shipping Sunday night (which I was waiting for!).
The shoe rack will need staining - I love a nice baltic stain.
I thought it was a good bit of shopping!

I counted something like 6 pairs of boots in my wardrobe - and I had to wonder why!!
I wear the same pair of shoes nearly every day - I think it's a security thing.
No, none of them were full price, actually only one pair was brand new - and I bought them from eBay!!!
I am a mad op-shopper, so if I see something that's in my size and too good to pass up - I grab it - you never know!
Some of them may need to go though - the boots are now stored in a storage bag under my bed.
When my new shelf comes the whole wardrobe will be turned upside down and re arranged.
I also bought some clear shoe boxes (from myself, my company sells these) they look very cute are a bit addictive too!

Was waiting to see my Doc today and saw the most adorable little boy - maybe 18 months old - I have to tell you I felt clucky for about 20 5 minutes!!
Dear oh dear - I can't/won't/don't need to/shouldn't feel clucky!
I guess a lot of people are only just starting at my age (36) or have little ones.
It would be the silliest thing we ever did to go again now.
Plus Big A would NEVER agree.
And I'm too old and busy.
So that's it!!!

I'm loving the holidays - I've slept in two days in a row - lost track of the days (oops) - hung out in my dressing gown til midday - I'm loving it!
I will need to get back into some sort of routine allowing me to be upright and possibly even dressed during daylight hours soon....maybe later in the week!!!
Apparently I do still have a job to do - my order is sitting in the garage waiting for me to come and pack it - will be done tomorrow it's not huge this week.

On the work front:

I'm as happy as a pig in poop myself.
The environment is much happier.
I am being given more than I need of absolutely everything I need to succeed - and we are doing just that.
We have achieved 'over budget' sales for the last 6 weeks in a row - Team Awesome I have dubbed my guys!!
No wonder I'm worn out!!
Isn't it amazing - we are being treated fairly, with respect, given trust and we return the favour with respect, a lot of hard yakka - and results!

On the eating plan: I am down about 7kg - with my heaviest being after I decided to stop taking the pill - my weight is now lighter than before the great pill debacle - but only a fraction.
So I'm kind of back to square one.
It has been a very slow process, which I expected.
The steroids I took a few years ago have screwed with my metabolism to the max.

If I could go back in time I would 'harden the f@ck up' and not take them - but I'd felt so bad for so very long I didn't see an end to it.
Never again.
Not just because of the weight - initially when I stopped taking the 'roids I felt as bad/worse than before I started taking them.

So I am soldiering on with the eating plan.
I have also incorporated some meal replacements into it - I still have trouble eating when I get up - blergh - these are really really nice 'Sandra Cabots Quick Loss' - in my case they are 'Sandra Cabots Eventual Loss" but that's o.k.

I'm definitely more 'eat to live' than 'live to eat'.

G
xx

Marathon of Posts

Breaking my own record of two posts in one morning....cos I can!

Our appointment went well yesterday, Small Man was quite upbeat - the doc noticed and was pleased.
He had a young student doctor of Asian ethnicity with him.
He was listening, trying not to look bored, smiling at appropriate moments.

Small Man must have had his intuition switched on.
He mentioned World Of Warcraft - WELL - didn't our young student suddenly straighten up - all ears!!
He said "Did you say World Of Warcraft"
Small Man "Yeah"

The next ten minutes while the Paed wrote out requests and letters and looked things up for me Small Man and Med student were jibber jabber jibber jabber WOW this and WOW that and so on.
Doc looks at me and asks "Do you have any idea what they are on about"
Me "Nah...I was just thinking about what I need at the supermarket".

So it was one of our better doctors appointments.
Small Man has grown 1cm since we were there last.
Doc has organised blood tests and given me a letter for the physio dept so that we can get back to having a weekly visit (weekly is enough for both of us with distance ed and my increased workload).

An update on the computer hacker.
I emailed the principal with my thoughts (I was most polite) and opinion, and a little extra info on Z17....actually a lot of info.
It was good to get it off my chest.
I told him how worried I have been about Z17 this year.
I also gave him Z17's side of the story - apparently Z17 couldn't get a word in at the interrogation interview last week.

I received a reply to say that he'd been on nervous breakdown sick leave and would get back to me once he'd cleared his backlog.

Yesterday at college Z17 read the letter that the creator of the website/author of some of the Wikipedia's parents received - bloody hell obviously they're on the parents and friend committee or something.
It was all "he was very apologetic...blah blah...but we still have to follow up on this...nice nice"
I was pissed.
This kid made the website, posted all of the pictures and god knows what else....
I get some big long rant about legal action!!!


Z17 is at home today - he looked shocking when he woke up (but I didn't say anything) - he got up had his cappuccino...and went and laid back down in bed.
When he got up his eyes were sore, and he said his neck hurts.
I think he means the glands in his neck...but I'll keep an eye on him.
This flu has been pretty bad that's going around.

So that's all from me...two posts in one morning...

G
xx

Dreamt it again

The dream is almost always the same - with a few minor details different or more in depth each time.
I dreamt it again last night.
For some reason we are moving back into the house we had before this one.
I am very sad to be leaving here - I don't want to.
The house we had before is much smaller and I'm wondering how we would fit all of our furniture into it!
At the same time there is one small part of me that is o.k. with moving back to the suburbs, there are lots of kids the same age as the boys around.
I ask Big A if we can still keep this house in case I change my mind.
Bizarre!
I've had this same dream many times.
I guess it could mean I'm insecure - worried about going 'backwards'?
Worried that the boys are slightly isolated out here....? We're really only 5 minutes away from suburban life....

Who knows!

G
xx

Finishing Things...

I have been on a mission - to get some things sorted/finished.
I had a few jobs hanging over my head that aren't realy much - but I'm pleased they are done.
I had mapping to update (tricky!), a newsletter to write, a few emails to send...

I managed an afternoon in my weed crop garden on Saturday.
I went at it hammer and tongs - and was stiff in places I never knew existed Sunday!
It looks better....if I spent every day for the next 10 years out there I may get somewhere...*sigh*
Also managed 500 loads of washing, to sort my money for banking, put orders on the website, a few family phone calls that I should have made ages ago etc

Last week provided us with some stress to put it mildly.
Another letter from college.
Z17...
Naughty...
Well, computer crime naughty at least.
To cut a long story short....

Remember back in 'our day' kids would perhaps write silly comments about the principal in the toilets, or draw a picture on the blackboard with devil horns or some thing equally as clever??

Now they make a website about him....

And of course 'sons that haven't been in trouble for several years' contribute to said website.
The same son is then threatened with suspension.
Add to this the two day suspension from using the computer he received last month for playing a 'flash' game at school, and the warning he received the month or two before regarding using mozilla as a browser....
And it adds up to two very stressed parents.
Who of course solve this by arguing all day about it.
Our views on parenting are very very different.

This has all been taken very seriously, mostly due to the fact that the website linked to pages on wikipedia - pages son had never seen until they were sent home with 'the letter' from the principal. One of the pages was not complimentary to girls at the school.
In for a penny, in for a pound.
Because there was some involvement - he has been considered totally involved.
I know my son - he would NEVER be involved in the harrassment of girls, and was very very distressed to be accused of such.

Anyway I could go on but I won't.
He is in what appears to be a fine mess.
I will be dicussing this with the principal.

Add to this the fact that he had been very withdrawn and unhappy - not wanting to go to school - I was getting worried, I think I may have mentioned this a little while ago. This was partly to do with his main teacher leaving - a series of relief teachers - major disruption when you are ADD/OCD and need to know what you are doing!

His report (which arrived the day after the letter) was an improvement on the last one. It shows that he has been trying. He even scored an A- for part of his English writing - his report from this class was the weakest last time.

So we'll see. He is going to be 'on a contract' in lieu of suspension.
Hopefully as part of this he can be told exactly what he needs to do, and by when - preferably broken into time frames. He will be finished in two months. I think a traineeship is his best option. He loves his work and is doing very well there - heck they'd have him working every night if I let them!

The week started out disappointing - I spent $280 to have a wheel bearing replaced in my car - only for the mechanic to find it wasn't the problem. It wasn't his fault - he'd had another opinion also - they thought whell bearing too! So all up I've spent close to a grand on my car in the last two months - goody. Not like it's that old. Oh well ya get that. Still could have found better uses for a grand - a new stereo in it - some pimpin gear - new tyres - bah!

It was my Dad's 16 year memorial Friday.
I couldn't write about it (sorry Dad).
I had too much whirling around in my head.
And wanted to post part two of the dinner - before it was old news.

So I'm off to get ready for the Paediatrician this afternoon,
I hope he's not running late!!

G
xxx