...and then it was gone!

As it always does....after the build up and preparation for one day....it over just like that. Happens every year though eh!

I haven't felt the highs and lows too much.
Maybe because we didn't buy pressies for adults again this year (family decision) and we gave the boys one ginourmous present (a new computer - wizz banging up to the minute thing of course). This was on the agreement that they didn't get anything from us xmas day.
Of course I strayed off the path on that one slightly and gave them a few little bits...!

So without the pressie shopping to be done it was just one big grocery shop!
I did buy for my adorable niece Bethany though.

My nicest gift was to (in no particular order)

a: not have to cook xmas dinner for the first time in 15 years, and being able to relax and enjoy my family's company - yay

b: to spend the evening with my niece Bethany (she is 3 and was staying at my brothers house for the very first time Christmas Day) - to see her sleep in her bed at his house for the first time - I put the room together when she was born, nothing flash or over the top (most came from the op-shop but quality, clean and good!) , but nice for a darling little girl!

Having lost a niece who was exactly Bethany's age now it makes me treasure the time with her...sometimes it scares the hell out of me to get too close to her (she lives in Ulverstone an hour and a half away so don't see her that often).

c: To share the day with friends that either don't have parents, or have strained family relationships, or have family on the mainland and didn't go home for xmas this year.

d: To see my stepbrother and his wife, and three little ones from Canberra Christmas Eve at Mums. They have a 3 month old baby girl, oh so gorgeous little chubby bundle - a two and five year old boys - equally gorgeous - full on hyper!! BOY OH BOY!

Dumb arse forgot the camera - both on Xmas day and Xmas Eve - DOH! (and I do mean me!).

Ironically, the only actual unwrappable gift I received this Xmas was from the Almighty Bitch herself - wonder what that means? He he he!

Hope you are all well!!!

now is the BEST time for a detox BTW,
I am considering one, although the only naughty thing I ate Christmas day was a piece of pav!

G
xx

p.s. why the pic? Cos we've been flat out painting our ceiling - and are now at the end of day two - tomorrow is day three *sigh* then we're done - I'm over it, but not letting on!

Was gonna.....

...go to bed at 10.30pm.

I did try!

Thinking back on some really old stuff today.
Things I haven't thought about for years,
and then a small fragment of a conversation brings it back.

Weird how that works.

None of it makes me feel bad,
or sorry for myself.

Just damn lucky to have weathered (and survived) so many storms in my life and still be able to love, learn, forgive, trust, have patience, allow 'new' people into my life and make a few more mistakes occasionally!
I think I am a wiser mother for it all, nothing much shocks or surprises me (aside from prolonged illnesses!), and I feel prepared for most of what teenage life brings to my table!

I think o.k. something bad/negative happened in the past - you get a few choices, to let it ruin your life forever (as if the original thing wasn't enough on it's own) - or take even the slightest positive from it and think to yourself the rest of my life is going to be extra positive & happy as possible, to make up for all of this crap.

Believe me, I could write a book on some of my life 'experiences' - none of them what you might call "good" - but why would I want to write about/relive all of that - and who'd want to read it!!!!

Unless I needed to get it out there, unless I had shelved it away in my mind without sorting it first - then I would. Unless it happened yesterday, last week, a few months ago when I would really need to write and gather my thoughts. Otherwise it's just like writing a story, about someone else though.

I wouldn't even write about it here, it's so 'dealt with' long buried and forgotten - except for the occasional reminisce, like tonight.

So no, I'm not just spieling off some crap I watched on Oprah, this is my own personal view on dealing with 'stuff'.

Everything takes time, and some things take a very long time to come to grips with - or maybe with practice we get better at letting go/sorting and categorizing our feelings & emotions?

I dunno!

Maybe we end up with a "scale of one to ten" type system in our heads, that as we get older makes ten seem much further away.

I'm glad I am making sense to myself tonight!
Maybe should have gone to bed at 9.30pm - and STAYED THERE!!

Today is, after all, tomorrows yesterday

(random, random, random!!!)

G
xx

My 100th Blog!

Adding my two favourite recent photos to celebrate!

Night Mode.....

I have flipped into night mode.
Maybe it's the lack of routine or something....
Or maybe just nerves......
Not getting to bed until the early hours of the morning, getting up later......
Stuffing around for the first half of the day....
Then going hammer and tongs from around 3pm......
Well, it's not hurting anyone....but not 'acceptable' of course.......
Because someone made up some rule sometimes that we have to be up early, and go to bed at a reasonable time.
My best time of the day is either first thing (getting up at 6am) or later in the afternoon.....if i do early morning I'm in a coma on the couch by 8pm though.

Maybe I'll just stick to this routine til I have to be up early one day, say like next Thursday when 'she who makes my life unbearable' is being let out of her cage for the day, for the purpose of coming up here, no doubt to rip me to shreds over something so extremely trivial it's almost funny......maybe I should try that....laughing at her...hang on I'll practice.....

AAAAAAA.....HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep - that feels better!!!!


G
xx

Belly banding and such....

Small Man and I have had another serious discussion on the Lap Band.

He wants to have it.

I want him to have it.

grandparents want him to have it.

Big A is not sure......

I have made some initial inquiries with a surgeon in Hobart.
Actually made two enquiries, the first guy emailed back a few lines on the operation number for MBP....


The second surgeon wrote back a really lovely email, at 8am this morning (I only emailed him last night at around 11pm).


He let me know about medicare/MPB, and also that he has performed the surgery on two other 13 year olds with similar BMI (body mass index) with great results.
He also asked if Small Man is o.k. with needles, as there may need to be adjustments to the band.
He asked me to call his surgery if I had any other questions, or to make an appointment to discuss further, and that I would need a referral. I'm impressed already!

I just can't let this go on any further, the risk of surgery is minuscule, compared to the risk of him not having it.

We have a paediatrician appointment January 7th - to review the new meds - I am going to tell him that I have made some inquiries, and hope he's not too pissed off with me.
I can't sit back and be Mrs Polite any more - not when my son's life is just on hold, and has been for so long. Bugger the manners!!!!!! This has affected not only Small Man, but my job and our (Big A & I) relationship, our social life (I don't mean we're party animals, but we have had to limit social occasions visiting etc because Small Man isn't up to it) - it's no-ones fault, it's just the way things snowball.

Maybe it won't fix everything, but if his self esteem improves, and his liver function goes back to normal, and his blood sugar decreases, I'm sure that's 90% of the battle won.


Love and hugs to everyone,
it's a tough time of the year in many ways,
thinking of YOU!

G
xx

Stuff!

Such an inspiring title, I know.

That's all it is tonight - STUFF.

Stuff floating around my head, being 1am probably has a lot to do with it.

Quite a busy day,

interviews for VET courses for Z16 (successful btw),

catalogues to collect,

orders to place on the website,

Z16 to take to work,

groceries to buy, bring home, unpack....blah blah...then cook.

Big A - to get ready for work - no I don't usually get his clothes/food/anything ready but tonight he was putting the computer back together after some upgrades, so I did the lot for him - teamwork OMG!!!

the usual after tea stuff,

small Man to console after their computer 'crashed',

30 minute crash myself on the couch - with a BLANKET - yes it's officially cold here tonight, and was last night too - ask Toni!

Z16 to collect from work,

dead computer to be resurrected by z16 in 5 minutes (see why he's doing I.T. next year).....

ravenous cats to be fed - no George, the pate on the plate WASN'T for you!

stats to be collated from website/emails from SD's,

scrabble games to catch up on - blogs to read and now write.

Trying to keep thoughts of the evil one out of my mind.....
at least until tomorrow, where I need to point out that the info she said was missing from my review was NOT in the previous one as claimed (helps if you read things LUV - and get your facts straight before you come the big hideous ogre with people, actually should I say the BIGGER, MORE HIDEOUS OGRE) and was not requested last time either - so HA! Sucked in.

Tomorrow is physio day for Small Man, am trying to book for Tuesdays and Fridays to keep to a routine, even though I hate routine, sometimes it's good.

Paediatrician appointment was sort of disappointing, not prepared to wait for his liver function to get worse, or for him to develop diabetes before something is done, should be preventative in my opinion.
Anyway, have changed his anti-depressants which I'm happy about, he seems good - not to one extreme or the other which is basically the point.

He is also taking Metformin, used for type II diabetes, and for women with polycystic ovary syndrome - he got a good laugh out of that! It took a while for the name of the new meds to stick in my head - and he said "so which tablet do I take Mum?" - I couldn't think so said, "you know, you're ovary pill" he cracked up! He's so cute - even though he's 13 and way bigger than me!
No plan for school, which finishes soon anyway. I think he'd like to return fitter and stronger after the holidays, and I understand that.

Better go,
getting tired again now - NO DER Gina - it's like 1.26am!!

George says "Schtupid woman Mummae - go to schleep in you bed now pleease"

o.k.

G
xx

..Ding Ding...Round 37689x....

****I am really mad and at the end of my tether writing this....if you are easily offended don't read!****

And the gloves are off...again...for another round with the irrational, PMT'ified bitch that is trying to break me.
I am not exaggerating....
I'm not kidding....
I didn't deserve ANY of the nit picking serve I received Friday afternoon....
it was just a load of crap - obviously someone has had a bad week...and guess who is always the punching bag.

Two SD's contacted her directly (via email), one because it was to do with a distributor that has nothing to do with us or our team, we were 'caretaking him' for approx 2 weeks - something went wrong and he didn't receive a rewards gift voucher.
The distributor took it upon himself to complain to head office about HER/not getting his voucher - not my problem. She rang PB and ripped into him about why the distributor rang H/Office - and what was said.
She also sent an email to PB in response - in her reply to PB over this she wrote 'please contact me directly if you have any similar queries'.

Another SD replied to her newsletter email, which BTW clearly states if you are unable to open this please let me know, I'll send in a different format - he couldn't open it, and asked for another format - and also replied to an email she sent him directly regarding a lead, she asked him to let her know how he went with the lead - so he did.

WELLL...didn't I cop it, for 30mins on the phone.....screeching friggin banshee she is....
"makes me wonder why I'M paying you (she doesn't bloody pay me, head office does) you're OBVIOUSLY not doing your job" ---WTF?????????

It goes on and on.....baseless, trivial, nit pickery.
A review I just completed...and handed in on time...actually slightly early (that would've killed her) was picked to shreds. claiming I had left things out that were included in the last review...I've checked, WRONG AGAIN BITCH - there was no mention of what she reckoned was missing, and no request for the info last time either.........wants to go and get her head checked......and her conscience while she's at it.

PB couldn't believe it - he knows what I tell him about her, but had yet to see it for himself - til now.
She is all sweetness and light when they're around, and then attacks me when I'm on my own.

I know what the answer is, I know I should be looking for another job - but there are many reasons why I can't/won't....

1. I don't see why I should!!!!!
2. Small Man and the uncertainty over his health and recovery
3. My team - many rely on this for their sole source of income, distributors included - if I go, they go - either by their own choice or she would sack the lot of them out of spite.
4. PRIDE! I let her beat me on this and not only does she win, but what else do I lose, except for a job that I love.

Going on strike is looking good - make H/O realise there is a friggen lunatic running the show down here....and they're going to end up losing EVERYONE down here if she keeps it up......

Personally, I think she should take two aspro's and FARK OFF!!!

I'm going now.....!

G
xxx

Off to the Doc

Finally....

Off to the Paediatrician today.
After much 'being stuffed about'...and lack of information
May get some answers or solutions for Small Man.
Who knows.
His medication will be changed, I know that much.
We have physio first at 12.30pm - then the Doc at 3pm - hope he's not tired and cranky from physio....which is 75% likely...

Went to a mates place for a BBQ Saturday night, he has a boy Small Mans age, that is in the same grade/same school.
All they did was play guitar hero, went for a walk up the road, played hide and seek - the normal stuff.
Didn't we know about it the next day! Small Man was so stuffed, he said he felt like he was on drugs or something - he had a real episode, where he was just raving on and on about nothing for 15 minutes, then immediately proceeded to sleep for several hours - it's no life for a just turned 13 year old (birthday pics on facebook!).

Anyway, better go - 12 week work reviews due Wednesday - *sigh* - I'm almost done though, it's nowhere near as stressful as last time - when I didn't have a clue which format was going to be acceptable etc, I only hear about it when it's wrong!

G
xx

Walking behind a stranger....

That's how it felt, walking behind my young man, in his suit, with straight hair!
It was all very much worth it.........xxx

Where has the time gone...

No more sleeps!
Nope, the leavers dinner is tonight.....
We went to the grade 10 leavers presentation evening last night.
It was a nice evening, the musical talent was outstanding.
Most of the awards were won by the grade 10 prefects - so nothing much has changed there, or students whose parents are on the parents and friends committee!
That's o.k. - they have all worked hard and deserve it.
I was mildly disappointed that Zach wasn't selected for an award (they gave out at least 100). I guess he has slipped through the cracks in that department - plus he's so quiet compared to how he once was - the loudest in the class in primary school.
I don't think anyone could every full understand what he has overcome since primary school, there are some that have overcome much more of course - but a little recognition would have been nice.
I saw the 'funny' peer awards nominations that some of the kids had written, Zach was nominated by his friends as "Most changed" it would be nice if the teachers could acknowledge that too. Anyway - he's my winner for sure.

We have had some in depth and serious talks this week about the 'after party' and how to handle certain situations.....he is not easily led, and doesn't feel the need to impress anyone, so I am hoping he makes the right choices tonight.

The reality of it all started to sink in last night, on the way home.
Tomorrow they have a picnic - mystery bus ride apparently - but anyone that is 'hung over' won't be invited. WTF???

I'm feeling weird and all over the place, in my mind that is, I think if I let myself dwell on it I could be a bit of a mess.
On the outside I'm looking organised and appear to have it all under control.
Not just the leaving school stuff, but work, finances, Lachlan and no doctors appointment, no end in sight.......Big A was ALMOST going back on shift work, which would solve one of our issues, but no they changed their minds and I was disappointed....wasn't meant to be at the moment I suppose - maybe at the end of February. I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough in all areas of my life, and the constant criticism is hard to shrug off at times. I try and be, and give all that I can - but it's never enough is it!

My Great Aunty Eileen died on Tuesday - she had been sick for a while, and it was her time.
Still sad though - no matter how prepared you are.
I was more worried about my Grandma, her sister, and how she was with it all.
Eileen was her younger sister - I don't think it matters how old you get, your sister would always be your sister (I don't have one, well not that I have grown up with and know as a sister, but I can imagine how it would feel).
I felt bad, as I was intending to ring her over the weekend, and didn't get there - every time I thought of it the phone would ring, or someone would turn up, or it was too late in the day.

On that note I'll go and make myself mildly useful!

G
xx

...Thank you all so much....xxx

To all of the beautiful ladies from Rose Cottage - thank you so much!

My parcel arrived today - I was speechlessly overwhelmed,

so much thought, so much time, care and kindness has gone into my package,

I feel truly blessed to have found you - all of you....

Toni, Sev, Lisa, Anchell, Kathleen - and many others that I haven't 'met' but take time to read your blogs - you have kept me together these past months - I really mean that.....

Love G

xx

Small Man's got them sussed!

Just thought of a funny thing that happened when Small Man was in hospital,

after a week of questions, doctors, more questions.....

They sent a Child Psychiatrist to see him, and review his medication.

She was subtly asking him questions, he was tired and aggravated and had had enough by that stage.

He politely said "I wish if people were going to ask me questions, they would just ask the question, and not cushion it and make it sound like something else, because I'm getting a bit sick of it".....

She did sit back in her seat......I think she realised he was onto the psycho-babble.....

That's my kids for you though,
they are far bolder and more forward than I ever dreamt of being as a child, and still now to some degree!!!

G
xx

p.s. I am waiting for scrabulous to get with the program and stop being slow and silly!!!!

Unreasonable...

Thanks so much Toni and Sev for your messages.......

I had my 'review' on Thursday,
it was several hours of nit picking, and blowing things out of proportion. I was in tears AGAIN several times (only when she kept mentioning Small Man) - I'm not good with people in my face going on and on and on...make your point and be done with it.....feel sorry for her kids.......Once again I'm thrown into turmoil and unnecessary stress, probably for her enjoyment.

I have been set an unreasonable target - to achieve what we call 'area coverage' - I have averaged 40 - 50% over the last 12 weeks, closer to 50% in the last few weeks - I have to achieve 70% in two weeks - or she will remove 5000 households from my area, that's 1/4 of the district. If then in another two weeks it hasn't been achieved, she'll take ANOTHER 5000 households - so I'll lose half of my earning potential, and half of my team.

She accused me of not training my people properly, just because one had to ring her with something that I couldn't help them with, and asked a simple question (which he has been shown how to do lots of times, he must have forgotten).
She said "How much training have you done with ... - think VERY carefully before you answer" - so rude and condescending.

She reckons I get paid too much - I work for commission only, so my pay is a reflection of my teams sales - if I get a good month, it's because we've done well. Also because she left her husband, I heard all about how SHE doesn't have a partners income to fall back on etc etc - so what punish me because I can hold a marriage together!!!

She kept bring up the fact that Small Man has been sick 'for a very long time' - really? Gee I'm so glad she pointed that out, I wouldn't have known otherwise.

Also - I won't be getting paid for the person she talked into being an area manager (actually told her she had no choice).
I went to the CEO over this but ultimately it's her call - she won't budge on it - she would never have allowed this to happen to anyone else (she likes the other DM in Tassie) - talk about poor management - I was never given the correct info on this.....

One of my SD's had a few boxes of stock to send back to head office - it should have been done weeks ago - I didn't think to check up on it with him - as this have been pretty hectic, I have been looking after immediate issues - WELL - didn't I get the lecture on that one, she went on like we'd stolen stock or something - she actually said "so who do I sack? 'AW' or you?"

At the end of this I got the whole "I don't want you to be out of the area...I need you" need me for what? to take her frustrations out on? I said "I'd like to be able to get along with you but you make it hard".

I'm having an emergency meeting Tuesday with my SD's - we are going to have to pull out all stops to make this work. One big problem is that a couple we have that work in Exeter have to take 2-3 months off, he has to have hip surgery - they drop a lot of books per week, and this will really affect our coverage....I am hoping they can get someone to help them (or help the one that isn't having the operation) - they have done such a good job, I would give them the time off, or at least let them do what they can, as good people like them are hard to find. The Almighty's answer to this was "well, they might not have an area to come back to" - she's unbelievable.

The thing is, she hasn't set us this as a challenge, or as motivation, she has set me up to fail.
I'd love to know what her problem is with me, I have nothing in my life she can't have.......

She apparently has some health problem - she won't say what.
I am hoping she will decide this is all a bit much, she is creating a very hostile environment amongst the managers in the state. I don't wish ill of her, but I think she has done enough damage.
I just need her to back down - a lot. And actually help me rather than see things build up, wait for a review and then hit me with it, for hours, and it was nothing that warranted the way it was dealt with. I would have mentioned it a few weeks ago, and said you'll need to have these few things sorted before the review, as these are the things we are focusing on at the moment. That's what our previous manager would have done, but then he wasn't setting me up for failure either.
I'll admit there were a few little things I didn't check, didn't finish, but it was like two things!!! I spoke with her about one of them to let her know it hadn't been done and she said "That's fine"...

My situation with Small Man prevents me from resigning and getting something else, I know he will be better soon, but I don't know when. I also don't want to leave, I'd be happy to see her go though...

What do you think her problem is?
What can I do to stop her treating me like this? I am not an 'employee', so none of the usual regulations apply...

Can you recommend a spell for me Sev?

In the middle of all of this mum rings to say "I'm bringing Grandma up to your house at 6pm" - Grandma's sister is dying, days/weeks to live, so Mum took her through to Ulverstone to spend the day with her. It all happened so quickly, as these things often do.
It was nice to have Grandma here for a few days - but awkward too because I really needed to be on the phone getting a plan together for the latest crisis the Almighty has put us in....that's o.k. though I did a lot in my head! Grandma is awesome, she isn't like a fussy old lady that has to have everything done a certain way, she goes with the flow and enjoys being here!

This is getting long,
I'll write about Small Man, and my other news later.....yes there's still more....

Thanks for listening,
I know this is long and complicated, but that seems to be how everything works at the moment,

G
xx

Still Here

I'm still here, just haven't been able to write.

My life has gone to shit this week,
I had a work review Thursday,
lets just say it wasn't pleasant.

I got to say what I thought,
you'd be proud of me for standing up for myself the way I did -
I was proud of myself.

A few other fairly major things have happened too...

don't feel like writing about it now,

G
xx

p.s. Anyone wanting to wish me happiness in my job - I would appreciate it!

Friends Confirmed....

It's true - when you have a worrying time in your life, your true friends are the ones that are there for you.

Haven't I found that out in the last fortnight!

Did I really need to confirm this - no, not really.
There have been a few that knew what was happening with Small Man, and didn't even bother to ring/ msg /or email me........

But to those that have maintained constant contact - thank you.
Even though none of you will ever actually read this - I give so many thanks to the universe for each of you.

Sure makes the Xmas card list easier this year - he he!

I think back to some years ago when I couldn't handle the thought of being alone, in the 'spending time alone' sense - and now sometimes I long for it.....I have found solitude a balancing time, rather than climbing the walls for company. Maybe we get more secure in this way when we get very old like me (he he!).

Speaking of company, my 20 year school reunion is coming up on the 17th November - OMG - the memories.......the fear......the 'what ifs'.........
I really only have contact with three friends from school, only one was in my year......
I'm going, I'm actually looking forward to it......and I think everyone will be feeling the same.
I just hope a lot of 'baggage' is left at the door, and the night is about catching up with each other, rather than a big 'dragging up of the past' episode.

I was a little bit wild in High School, well different to 99% of the other girls anyway. I had my own style that was semi goth/'EMO' (as they call it these days)- and was a bit old for my age. I moved out of home at 16 to come up to 'town' and work, and didn't go back. Looking back I was far too young to be out on my own, but didn't want to be stuck in a small town with all the horrendous gossip and lack of opportunity (for me any way). I made a lot of mistakes back then, and had a lot of emotional issues - but accept it was all part of my life's journey, and there are few I regret.

Ironically I met The Big A - who was in Tassie studying air traffic control -(that kinda went wrong), and he ended up staying here, with me, and working at the very place that my Dad worked for 25 years, my Mum worked there too for a few years, I went there for work experience, my brother works there, and so does my Step Father...in the very town I was running from.......!!!!

Hi 'Bewinda' - hope you got a chance to check in and read my blog over the weekend - G xxx

Better go - roasts to cook, clothes to throw in the dryer to make it look like I iron!!!!!

G
xx

Thanks Universe!

I asked for Small Man's sleep test to happen quickly,
and received a phone call this morning to say there has been a cancellation Monday (next week) and that he can can take the appointment if it's convenient, my word it is!

He's fallen a bit flat since coming home, which I was afraid of.

Have had to cancel physio twice, he just isn't up to it, and a bit sick of all the jiggery-pokery of the last few weeks.
He is also a bit run down, with two cracking ulcers in his mouth - I went to the chemist and asked for the most kick a$$ stuff they had - it was making him very irritable and short tempered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did some channeled writing the other night, interesting - I can't even remember what I wrote, and haven't looked at it again - the messages were from Lillian, who called herself 'Lilly'.......
One part was about Small Man, the other about the Almighty - but the specifics are a blur.

I might post it later, for some reason I don't feel like reading it just now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So today I am tackling the house of rack and ruin, I haven't been able to focus on much the last few days, just not knowing what was happening, and when.......

Have catalogues to deliver later - haven't done a drop for two weeks, not setting a good example there eh!
The walk will do me good, all of the walking around the corridors of the LGH have toned me up a fraction - so would like to keep it going.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have decided I need a list of links to everyones blog,
if I can add you to my list let me know!

G
xx

Let me go home.....

Just another quick hello!
Boring without pictures, I know - not inspired this evening.

My baby is home from the hospital for the night,
we have to go back up tomorrow for another day of 'opinions', physio etc etc.
He is still technically 'booked in' and his bed will still be there, otherwise the doctors that are coming tomorrow won't be available for several months - terrific eh!..hopefully they won't change their minds and want to keep him in.

We are going private for the sleep study, the waiting list as a public patient was 4-5 weeks.....see I whinged about not being able to use the private health that I think we personally sponsor - and voila!

I nearly fell of the chair to read that Lisa has Lichen Sclerosis too - I just thought it was me and my bizarre, random afflictions that no-one's ever heard of!!!
Trust me, if you google it, you'll squirm.
No wonder the 'bedroom aerobics' are fewer and further between - it takes a few days to recover..........
Dumb A$$ doctor x5978 said there was nothing you can do about it.
Came home, looked it up and found out how badly you MUST have steroid cream......
also that it must be checked because the percentage of vulval cancer increases tenfold.
So reassuring to put you health in these peoples hands sometimes.......


Anyhoo,
Small Man and his big brother have settled down to sleep - George has recovered from the total stress and separation anxiety he's suffered with his best mate away for nearly a week.
- load of washing x9296989 is almost done (didn't have to worry about Small Man's washing they had a washing machine and dryer for his stuff on the ward - very handy) - so there's my cue to go to bed!!!

G
xx

Here, but not

Just flying past to say Hi.

Have been up at the hospital from 9am - 9pm most days - sometimes longer.

Finally getting somewhere,

Small Man has reasonably severe sleep apnoea - he is sleeping on a monitor up there and will see the respiratory specialist Monday, to be fitted for a mask etc and will be sleeping with a 'cpap' thingy, like a ventilator.
This is responsible for much of his fatigue, moods, weight.....it can affect the appetite centre of the brain.
I dread to think what may have happened if they hadn't found it..........as he set the alarm off on his machine many times the other night........

Aside from this we still have the liver specialist to give us his opinion, they are doing a teleconference and presenting small mans case to other doctors around the state to see what they think also......
he will probably be in hospital until Tuesday, at this stage.

G
xoxox

Boring As Bat S*%t!!

It's true!!!
Couldn't find a picture of bat s*%t -
actually didn't look for one......but I would be as boring as it, I promise!!! Thought ye olde butterfly was much nicer!!

Am OVER the LGH and the stuffing about - just SOOOO glad I throw all of that $$ into private health insurance for what - nothin!!!
No, he didn't get in today - waited from 9.30am til 1.30pm for my call that was meant to come through in 'half an hour or so'........to let me know yay or neigh - I ended up ringing back again - Small Man was getting anxious.
Good job I'm patient............Big A would've been on the phone at 10.30am!!
So after all of that I'm TAKING HIM IN at 9.30am tomorrow, to admissions............

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My team has had a splendid week of sales - $11,583 to be precise - WOW!!!
Should keep the ogre off my back for a while......won't hold my breath though!!!!
A few new starters has helped a lot towards this.......hope they stay keen and motivated.

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Actually did some gardening on the weekend, not that you'd notice - only about ten years work left to do out there!! He he!
Certain Australian Cattle dogs like to help, not naming any names ZARA.
She has been known to follow along behind me and unplant what I have planted - it's so rewarding.........

Big A's parents want to come over and have his mothers 60th birthday - HERE - HA! In our picturesque gardens........WTF!
Saves us a trip over there I guess - but I mean really........they'll be so drunk they won't notice.....and that'll be just getting off the plane ....haw haw...cracking myself up tonight!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Better go then,

G
xx

Sick, sick sick.....

It's true....
Everything DOES happen for a reason.....
By 4pm Wednesday afternoon I had a raging fever of 38.7 degrees......
Would have been no good to Small Man at all....
Would have had to stay away from the hospital........could not have coped with that!!!

I must allow myself to be steered along every path, and not fight against it......
this was absolute proof!

Slightly better today, but sitting here sweating and making many typo's and little sense!!!

So better go........
and do nothing.......

G
xx

No Go....

No go again today.

Monday.

Have to ring and find out where to take him, at least he's actually booked in for Monday.

Trying not to be frustrated, doesn't help anything.

Just have to switch the brain gears back into 'not going' mode......

G
xx

Atmosphere....

The atmosphere has shifted here...............


Much more relaxed than last week............in some ways....a bit of nervous energy flying around......

Nice not having any pressure for Small Man re: school.......
he has relaxed a lot over the last few days, and has 'gone with it' sleeping a fair bit...........so good for the body to recover and repair.....

Z16 is a bit unsettled..........he adores his 'little' brother.......
Z16 has a few 'tics' that come and go - pretty minor....and he can control them at school....but in the last week they have been fairly bad at home.....I'm trying to keep him as relaxed as possible......
He hasn't had enough sleep (in my opinion) the last few nights - switching over to daylight savings threw him out a lot - he's sensitive to change like that......I made him go to bed early last night..............
I think the combination of work/school all of the grade 10 pressure.....and worrying about his brother - more that he will be away for a night or two I think is the concern, he hates it when his brother isn't here, it's lovely that they are so close.

My mobile has been going flat out with messages, but that's o.k. - it's nice to know people care - I have had my doubts at times, not from my friends, but family.

Yes, a few people may be feeling a bit guilty - after some of the things that have been said regarding Small Man.
I'm not going to add to it - their own conscience will sort them out. I can write how I feel here....and let it go.......it's not my guilt...I don't need to wear it!!

Just hope they learn from it....and don't ever doubt me again, and if they do - keep their big opinions to themselves - and perhaps have a good hard look at themselves before passing judgment on a 12 year old boy......and lecturing him that he won't live til he's 20 if he keeps going to way he is.....all the while 'the way he was going' was out of his control.....

And as for the people that look at me when we are out like I'm an abusive mother that over feeds her child.....BITE ME!
If that was the case, why is Z16 like a match with the wood scraped off? not really, he's just right, maybe slightly under weight...

Perhaps I feed one, starve the other!!!

Enough rambling,
better go and get ready.....

G
xx

~~~Groundhog Day~~~

Today is going to be like Monday all over again.......
only it's Wednesday.......gee I'm onto it today eh!

Ringing the paediatrician again between 9am - 10am this morning to see if he has organised a bed for Small Man........

It seems to pointless pouring all of this money into private health insurance..........when you actually need to use it all of the facilities etc are at the LGH......

Either way, as long as we get the result....I could care less!

Fingers crossed,

G
xx

eBay Lunatic!!!!

I just HAD to share this one with you.

Thanks so much Sev for your input!

I'll post the emails in the order received/sent......UNBELIEVABLE!!!

I lost my patience.
Doesn't happen that often but boy she picked the wrong day to 'F' me off!
This is all over a shirt she was trying to get a refund from me for it, as she reckons it had been home dyed.........

Sunday - 11.57am...
"Why did you not tell me this shirt had been home dyed????? It has ruined my suede handbag and white pants after it got wet!!!! Now it is all splotchy and irregular Not happy - pls respond asap."

Sunday 2.37pm - I replied with....

Hi ****** – home dyed?

It wasn’t home dyed – as you would probably notice the tag/s doesn’t have any dye on it,
it would be difficult to dye the shirt without dyeing the tag– it is possibly just dye run, as the shirt had only been washed once or twice….
if I was aware that it was still running factory dye I would have let you know – and apologise that this has happened.

What would you like me to do?

Monday - 4.10pm

"Hi Gina,

Thanks for your quick reply.

The tag actually does have dye on it - I have 4 of these shirts from Country Road and love them - hence buying another on Ebay! I have compared the tags and it has definitely been dyed. I am so annoyed, not only that the shirt is now off colour but that it ruined my handbag and my skirt!

I would expect a return of at least some of my money.

I look forward to hearing from you."

Monday 4.40pm I replied....

"When I posted the shirt it definitely didn’t have dye on it – also if you look at the photo the contrast stitching on the inside of the shirt is as it should be – contrasting – if the shirt had been hand dyed it would have dyed the stitching as well.
I have pasted a photo of the neckline below for you…..

I have been selling on eBay for 7 years, with 99.9% positive feedback –

I would never intentionally risk this over a shirt, especially not in this way.

In your last email you claimed it was a handbag and white PANTS that were ruined, now you are saying it’s a skirt…..…….

So I’m getting a bit suspicious about your claim I must say.

What would you think????"

Monday 5.30pm -

"The fact of the matter, Gina, is that the shirt had been dyed. Was it your own or did you get it from someone else? You crap on about your ebay selling record - did you actually have a look at mine? Why the hell would I bother to complain about a shirt that I love which cost $40? It's nothing but the principle.

The reason I mixed up what I was wearing is that we have just moved house and have crap everywhere. My mother was here from Melbourne so I ducked out for a swim while she watched my kids. That's when I was wearing the pants. The water made the shirt bleed all over my pants and PRADA handbag!!! I got home and threw them into a pile of clothes on the floor and they have also dyed the skirt they landed on. I will send you pictures but at the moment I can't find the recharger to the digital camera."

So now I'm MAD!

Really MAD! So I wrote back with......

"Given that you have chosen to reply in this manner – as you say over a $40 shirt – you’ll get nothing from me.

If you are going to be so stupid as to put a wet, near new shirt next to white clothing I’m not going to be out of pocket over it.

Oh and not to mention the PRADA handbag – very impressive…..it was a SUEDE handbag originally……gee what else did it ruin, your carpet???????

Anything else you want to add to your list?????It’s growing by the minute.

Carry on like this with any other seller and see how long your WHOPPING feedback of what, 213 lasts - WOW.

I was quite prepared to listen to this crap until you became condescending, as well as a liar.

Don’t bother sending pictures, I’m not interested."

I received this response - to which I have left her negative feedback - so she can PRADA that!!!!!!

“Well Geeena, what a delight you are..... of course Prada has NEVER made suede handbags, have they????

You carry on your little life selling things on EBAY....it, for me, was never about the money!”

I could have responded - with something along the lines of "I will - as long as my customers on EBay aren't idiots" but I didn't - no point dragging it out any further! So I responded with "I will, thank you".

People like her make eBay less attractive! Good job they only come along occasionally! *sigh*........

G

xx

GREAT....................

Great.....the LGH is short staffed due to a flu outbreak....and are only taking emergency admittances....
We do have private health insurance, but the doc wants him in the LGH........

So now have to ring Wednesday morning.......

I could go back to bed now,
have been running round like a headless chook for the last few days getting prepared......

Oh well, nothing I can do about it, today just wasn't meant to be the day....
still frustrating though.......

G
xx

Nervous, pleased, nervous, excited, nervous!

Who knows what today will bring.....
I am nervous, then pleased, then relieved, then nervous, then excited........

I think the worst bit, will be if he gets a bed today, and I have to leave him there tonight.

I just don't trust anyone with him.......after all that's happened.........
It's been just he and I - and I'm the only one that hasn't doubted him.......

I'm sure he'll be fine.......
I just worry that he'll be scared..........

G
xxx

Small Man.....

We saw the paediatrician yesterday..................

Small Man needs to go into hospital for a few days.
He needs to see a liver specialist as his liver isn't functioning properly....

He may need lap band surgery, to give his liver a break, and help reduce his weight so that he can feel better....and start living again....this would be impossible for him to do on his own as his liver is enlarged and he has what is called 'fatty liver'.
He had gained 7kgs since we last went........
The doctor is going to give him a trial on xenical in hospital too - fancy that!

He didn't react too well to any of this yesterday and was quite angry and upset for a while.
He really lashed out at me in the car, which is completely understandable.
He wouldn't talk to me about it for some time after we got home.
Once he had given it some thought, and after a few gentle suggestions from me about getting my healthy little boy back (even though he is 10cm taller than me!) he has accepted the fact that this is the only way he can get his life back, reduce his weight and start being a 12 year old boy again.

I need to ring the doctor Monday morning, he was going to try and have a bed ready for him for Monday......

When he mentioned lap band surgery my heart soared with a 'YES' although I didn't let it out.
I never thought they would consider it for a young man, and I know in my heart also that I have tried EVERYTHING to help him and so has he - and none of it has worked.....

G
xx

George Update...

I just called the vet.
Spoke to Kim, a vet at the surgery that I know well - which helps 'cos she is brutally honest.
They gave him IV fluid overnight,
and he managed to 'wee' which means he doesn't have a blockage,
so is most likely a UTI.......

I need to ring back at 2.30pm......

Tears of relief...............

Someone's going to get SPOILT tonight............

G
xx

Poor Georgie........

My baby is sick.
I had to take him to the vet last night.........and leave him there.......
He has either a urinary tract infection or a blockage.
Poor little fellah, he was so uncomfortable yesterday......

Gee I hope he's o.k.....

I'm worried......

Will ring at 9.30am and see how he went last night.....

G
xx

.....Migraine still......a week later.......can't look at the monitor for too long, or it gets worse.......

Hopefully will be gone soon.

Hope everyone is o.k.

G
xx

Pack and post and fight with vacum cleaner!

That about sums up my day so far!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thought I'd throw in a quick post between unblocking vacum hoses and packing eBay parcels!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My heart went out to the poor lady on the news last night that had a miscarriage in the hospital toilet.

It is an experience I can relate to.

I miscarried between my boys, actually was pregnant again almost immediately after,
the baby I lost would have been due tomorrow, 13 years ago - I remember because it's my brothers birthday tomorrow, and I was due on his birthday.

These things happen for a reason, I know that, and I wouldn't have my darling Small Man - but it doesn't help when you are treated badly during an already distressing time in your life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Must make tracks - these parcels won't post themselves - oooowwwhhh! Why Not!!!!!!

he he!
G
xxx

Grandma to the rescue.....

...and then some!
Grandma sent me a money order - I received it this morning - how does she just KNOW when we need her help........it will certainly take the pressure off for a little while.
Thank you Grandma!! (I'm not allowed to ring and say thank you, she decided a few years ago that was the deal...).

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Feeling better this morning.....
Last night a bit of a blur.......
Even I get bored with it - can't imagine how everyone else in my life feels....
Just have to learn to take each day as it comes, and that ignoring it won't make it go away.......OWWWHHHH! Why not!!!!!!????........

Still haven't vacuumed - OMG!!!!! The horror!!! I did dust in preparation for it.....well the lounge/dining/kitchen/family rooms at least.................

Just waiting for Small Man to get up - he doesn't usually sleep this late.......may be good though, as far as school today goes......

G
xx

p.s. When we went to Burnie for the day, we drove up to my Great Grandma's old house, she lived behind the pulp mill, and died when she was 98!
I commented on how she'd lived behind the mill for at least 50 years, and that safety and emission standards wouldn't have been as strict in the old days etc....
Z16 pipes up and says - 'Just imagine how long she would have lived if she HADN'T lived behind the pulp mill'.........
Smarty pants!

Wishing Well....and down she goes....

Stupid stomach....

stupid being tired and dragging myself to do very simple things....

stupid having to sleep this afternoon....freezing.....then hot.......

stupid going to bed AGAIN at 7pm........waking up now.........when everyone else is in bed....except Georgie who ALMOST hopped up for a cuddle.....then realised there was much more room on the other couch.....

stupid sore eyes that cause Big A to ask "what's wrong with you...what's wrong with your eyes" - 'NOTHING' - of course is the answer I give - cos I don't know and I'm over it.........

stupid unpredictable 'coming out of nowhere all of a sudden' this afternoon.....too bad if I had to be somewhere, or do something......

stupid doctors for treating me so badly in the past that I'm reluctant to go back............

Stupid I tell ya!

Going to bed again now, just for something different.
Tomorrow can only be better, I'm sure of it.........

Made some honeygar and started it this afternoon,
could be perfect timing for it.............

G
xxx

Recieved This In An Email Last Night!!!

Had to post this one - it describes a typical day for me......he he he!

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.

Somehow I now feel better, even though I have it!!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

the car isn't washed

the bills aren't paid

there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter

the flowers don't have enough water,

there is still only 1 check in my check book,

I can't find the remote,

I can't find my glasses,

and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....

Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who the hell I've sent it to.

I may have already sent it to you and

I hate repeating myself repeating myself

repeating myself

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!

Suits and fancy cars...!

OOOHHH....!!! The leavers dinner date has been announced - things to do - things to do!!! Z16 thinks I'm getting in a bit early - no such thing as early with so much to organise!!!
Imagine if I had girls!!!
We will go 'suit trying on' this week so that we have it all booked, the photo above is what he has in mind for the style - he actually had an opinion which was nice - he usually doesn't! He likes pinstripe......
Then we have to decide what to with with the hair.......oh the decisions!!!!
Imagine if I had girls!!!
Then there'll be the transport - of course everyone wants to go 'different' I'm thinking a sporty, swanky looking convertible or a classic restored vintage rolls or something would be nice......we have considered going way out with a helicopter etc - not like I have a few helicopters at my disposal though!

As you may be able to tell I have been looking forward to this - I dunno, I just like everything to be 'right' and feel that I have helped make it all special for him, it's not every day you finish high school after all!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All a bit worn out today - Z16 and I are definitely night creatures, we should have been possums or something!
He was struggling a bit this morning...........

Not sure if Small Man will go to school this afternoon or not.
Gee it's hard.
Sick of arguing about this with Big A.
OVER IT!!!!
It's gone on for so long now,
leave it to me I say - I do all of the doctors appointments and spend nearly every minute of every day with him,
I'm his mother - I know him like the back of my hand.....
if I don't think he's up to going to school - then he's bloody not!!!!!!
we have an agreement, that he'll always tell me the truth about how he's feeling, and he does.

Gotta go - just had an sms to say stock delivery is delayed today - that'll piss a few people off!!! Must go and soothe the mood......

G
xx

Normality??...

Things are slightly more 'normal' this morning - school holidays over - no more sleep in's!

Z16 worked until 11pm last night - I wasn't thrilled when they rang to ask if he could work back - but I assumed it may have been a 'test' of his availability - I wouldn't like it to happen too often on weeknights....he was fine this morning, may be a little grumpy after school.

Wanted to try Small Man at going to school in the morning, instead of the afternoon, just to see how he felt. Didn't happen this morning, he was up but not feeling awake enough just yet, and of course PE was straight after recess, so couldn't go at recess either. Still a while until we go back to the paediatrician, 5th October, I hope he has some ideas/answers and can explain the enlarged liver thing to me properly.

Haven't felt the best myself for the last few weeks, running hot and cold, stupid stomach. I did say I'd go to the doctor........see how it goes..............stress can account for some but not all of it.............

I have questioned myself also as to why I blog.
And have decided it is mostly for myself, an online diary to vent and ponder - if I had to write all of this out by hand I wouldn't do it!
None of my friends or family know I write here....my boys do but that's o.k.
I leave comments for others sometimes, and think of leaving comments for others often - I'm not the type to barge into other peoples space, so hold back quite a lot.

Must go and check all of my stuff (sales/auctions/emails).....and maybe even vacuum slightly eerky floor with extremely useless vac!!!

G
xx