5th Time Lucky?

Well I'm much calmer than I was last time I posted, sorta.


It's been so quiet and weird here with Small Man at camp.

I'm sure he's having a ball!!
He was asked to host the trivia night last night, and do the music and MC the dinner tonight, then they have a disco afterwards - they wanted him to DJ but he suggested getting someone in, they'll have all the equipment that way.

I haven't heard from him, so I would say he is having an awesome time with his best mate from Hobart, they haven't seen each other since before Christmas, and doing all of the activities - go karting, movie making, green slime (?) etc

Today is going to be a shocker, our delivery has been delayed, I have an extra large order to get packed asap - I would usually be packing now ready to drive 70km and deliver, then do my usual tomorrow - not going to happen like that this week, Big A is going to have to go and collect it from the courier depot tonight.....

Back to the GP yesterday, still had a temperature, still having a go with this sinus crap, so he's given me some stronger antibiotics to try and fix it once and for all - must be my 5th lot of antibiotics, not good but I can't manage without them, it just doesn't happen.
I must be just really run down or something, even my navel piercing is infected, I haven't had any problem with it for 7 - 8 years when it was first done.

I actually went to see him about 'something else', which has resulted in a mammogram and ultrasound next week.
I'm sure it'll be fine, just some sort of cyst or whatever but better to get it checked, I'm not worried.

Love to you,

G
x♥x

Validation

I don't need to be constantly told or acknowledged that the last 4 years have been extremely difficult, but occasionally it's reassuring.

Often I feel like I haven't done enough, or could have done more.

My doctor has assured me I can't do any more than what I am doing.

It would just be nice once in a while for family to 'get it'.

They seem to act like nothings happening, that it just is at is it.
It's true - it is 'as it is' but fair dinkum they could at least ask me occasionally how I'm coping.
And then there are others that don't seem to see how emotionally over stretched I have been recently, and any other outside stress amplifies the whole thing.

I had a visit from two of Small Man's teachers on Thursday, and their reaction to his story was so touching, one was moved almost to tears.
Then when I told her Possums story and what we have been through.......well.....
Why is it strangers can see it so clearly?

As I have said many times before, I don't want sympathy, just understanding and support - and no extra expectations piled onto me as a wife/daughter/daughter in law/sister when I am struggling.
At the end of the day I don't know any different to having two children that need a lot extra, that's just how it is.

I am quite independent in all areas.
I don't ask for help - I can't.
I don't nag, I never want for this or that, I just get on with it.
It's tiring, and sometimes just one extra little thing can be too much, and I'm worn out at present.
The ongoing stress and worry presents itself physically in me - I can't help it.

I'm finally prepared to admit out loud that I have taken these last blood test results pretty hard.
It's destroying to realise there has been no improvement whatsoever, in fact things are worse.


So why can't they all just get it?

Why can't they just put themselves in my place for 5 minutes?
Just because I appear to be coping on the outside, scratch the surface the tiniest bit and the cracks will appear.

I don't expect anything from anyone else, least of all perfection - so why is it expected of me???


*sigh*

G
xx

The Man in Japan.....

My Man (aka Big A) has been doing karate for around 10 years now.

Some years back I made the statement that I would love to take him/send him to Japan for his 40th Birthday....to see his style of karate in it's place of origin.

He is 40 in December.

By pure coincidence his karate club have organised a trip - just this year - to???

JAPAN!!

To do exactly what I had pictured, training, sightseeing etc etc

He is going, I don't care how we will go about affording it (approx $5,000) - he's going.

Actually I paid for his airline ticket last week.

It will be in September, for 3 weeks.

It will be the experience of a lifetime for him.

He deserves it!!

He won't be getting a party though!!

Good thing, as he didn't want one :)

G
xx

*Quiet....*

It's extremely quiet here this morning.

I'm feeling quite a bit better, just needed those antibiotics and I think the repeat will be necessary also.

Small Man has gone to stay at his friends house, Big A is in bed on night shift and Possum is still sleeping.

I felt a bit funny about SM going away this time, I think I have just switched into OP mode, I'll be over it soon.
He has school camp coming up very soon.
The school chaplain has called him a few times to ask for his help at camp, I think he is going to be MC for the final evening, and is organising music for during dinner etc.
It's lovely that they have asked him to do it.
We are keeping on top of his work, which has made a huge difference to his anxiety level.
I have made the decision not to work Mondays, and use the time to help him finish work/prepare for the week/organise himself.

I listed something on eBay for the first time in two years.
Far out I was nervous - I had lost all of my templates and couldn't remember what I used to have as standard for a listing.
At least I remembered how to host my own photos which saves a bit in fees.
The listing is for a friend, and it's going well, finishes tomorrow.
It has sort of spurred me on to list some of the clothing that has piled up in my office.
I don't want to take too much on, or let it become stressful, so I am going to try listing half a dozen things and see how I handle it.
I will need to sort through the stuff and be ruthless.
Anything that isn't either highly fashionable/brand name/able to be sold as a 'lot' or new will be going to the op shop.
I'd rather do fewer quality items than trying to offload a whole lot of mediocre gear, the time it takes for each listing just isn't worth it.
I used to sell heaps a few years back, but the stress when 'The Almighty' took over as my manager made anything extra impossible.

I sent my 'farewell' email to my lovely boss, in response to her email informing us that she would be leaving.
We knew this already but she hadn't announced it officially.
Far out that was hard to write, but I wrote it from the heart and meant every word I said.
We are getting some guy from South Aus - I have never met him.
I hope he doesn't want to come in and make changes, it won't go down too well....


G
xx

*SIGH*

I went to the GP today - I've felt off for a fortnight, turns out to be the good old sinus infection/throat infection back again....got some antibiotics and will be on the mend SOON I hope - I've felt better than I do this afternoon let me tell you.

While I was there I asked about Small Man's results from the last lot of blood tests - his glucose levels were normal - woo hoo! That was a relief....

....but his liver function - very worrying - his levels have doubled since his last lot of tests - in fact two levels are 3 times what they should be.

I rang Matt, he said this should speed up the process for SM.
He has a meeting about him mid April.
He wants to get another blood test done that measures liver function/problems without the need for a biopsy.

Sometimes the reality of having a child with a chronic illness just jumps up and smacks you right in the face.

This is one of those days.


Off to lie back on the couch now....

G
xx

*YOU'RE JOKING!!!!!!*

Read my previous post for this to make sense.....

Now he's not even prepared to face us tomorrow.

He had one of the office girls call my boss and tell her he's not coming....

People have hit the roof.....if they weren't majorly pissed off before, they sure are now

One just wrote back to me 'Oh...My...God'

Phew...........

Just to answer Nat's comment properly, there are many things keeping me in my job at the moment.

I have to have the flexibility until Small Man has at least had his operation.

I like what I do (despite getting a pittance at the moment) and it is worth fighting to make them change things, it seems like the easy way out to leave in some ways.
Also the fact that I managed to put up with that horrible, nasty, evil woman for almost 4 years, and survived.

The people - some of these people I have worked with for 9 years, if I go, they go, and I know they rely on the income.


So I have to dig myself in for a battle.
Why not eh, I seem to be always fighting something these days - not bad for someone extremely passive and non-confrontational.

*sigh*

G
xx

BIFFO with Bob.....

Yeah...

I have been extremely absent of late.

My lovely boss was given 3 weeks notice (as our boss) on Wednesday, we are all devastated :(

I don't know what's gotten into this company, their decisions range from extremely unfair to totally outrageously stupid....

We had a 'BBQ with Bob' (one of the king pins in the company, partly responsible for the bullshit that's been going on) booked for tomorrow.

We are going ahead with it, but he'd better come prepared for some backlash.

My boss is coming over for it - well she did organise the thing after all - it will be a very, very hard day for all of us - for many it will be the last time they will see her.......

The reason they have given - lame - 'restructuring' and 'It's not based on her performance'......which we all know has been outstanding.

Seems to me she has been used to bring in and implement these ridiculous new changes, and now they're done with her.

Tempers are flaring, emotions are running high at the moment......

We also put in our complaint over our pay structure Monday, I wrote it, and one of the other guys emailed it - with all of our names at the bottom.

I will get $50 commission for a whole weeks work...................

It's just crap.

G
xx

So far, so good

The Man and his 10kg 'Blue Eyed Trevalla' - weird looking thing eh! (the fish, not the man!)

So day one of the fishing has been a success.

G

xx