~ It Has Occured To Me~

That I am sick to death of only hearing 'the bad stuff' from people - never the good

That I am sick of people loading me up with drama - dumping it on me then going about their day

I should add this definitely does not apply to anyone that is reading this - it's the real life people that do it

Don't I have enough to deal with myself at the moment without everyone else crap thrown on top?

Don't get me wrong I am the first to be there for a friend in genuine need, but when I get constant text messages and messages on FB about drama and often about people I don't know it all gets too much.  

Especially as it is always the high drama first part of the story, but I never get any follow up.  

So it might be 'OMG I am so worried Fred that I work with might be having a heart attack/going to jail/daughter might have cancer/losing his job' - I never get the end of the story - the outcome.  

I am sorry that this is happening for Fred but really, I can't take on any more.

Or I am hearing all about what so and so DIDN'T do - but never any positives about what that person DID....

"my step father said this or that he is so mean to me..." forgets to mention that Mum and Step Father offer to do her washing and ironing to help out while she is at work.  

"I went and cooked tea for Mum and Step Father even dessert - I am TOO good to them and they don't appreciate it" - forgets to mention they paid her for the groceries, and had offered for her to go around and eat what they had planned for tea.....

This is just a tiny example of the daily 'selective' news I get.....

As far as some of the things I have seen and read around the social networks over the last few week I'm not surprised kids grow up to be bullies - the way the parents behave online at times....

G

x♥x

~Cheerleading can be a tough gig~

Or personal assistant/coach/ enthusiator (is that a word?)...

Tougher though for the cheer-led/coached/assisted young man with CFS and some pretty heavy anxiety/depressive issues

I am so proud of Small Man for the effort he has put into attending his college classes

He managed two full days (introductory), then the final lesson of the next afternoon...before crashing in a fairly predicted but reasonably big heap on the last day of the week

Monday he attended both lesson, first thing in the morning, finishing at recess time

Today he had two lessons between recess and lunch

Tonight he is very overtired and feeling down

He took the centrelink news quite well last week, but today it has dawned on him that he has been let down AGAIN by the system - yeah yeah we all have disappointments rah-de-rah-da but try being 16, unable to live a 'normal' life for the past 5 years and being let down at every possible opportunity, or in the very least being subjected to delay after delay after delay......

I am keeping a good eye on him

It has been fairly tiring for me too both physically and mentally.  

It's not just oh well drop him at college and come home again, in an effort to keep him from finding things too difficult (and draining which would lead to him not wanting to go for that very reason)  I am doing as much as I can to get him ready, making his breakfast, packing his bag, preparing lunch/recess, getting his clothes ready - that sort of stuff. 

I have put off going back to  the ENT for 4 months.

I went and saw him yesterday - basically he was all gung-ho about the Uvula Palatoplasty or what I like to call cutting half of the back of my throat out and my tonsils - but then he added another little extra that should 'REALLY HELP' - cutting some of my tongue out - yeah nah - she'll be right thanks mate.......(not sure what happened to the font here...sorry bout that!)...

So I am going to have to try and fix this thing myself.  

I'm just not tough enough physically or emotional for that sort of pain and recovery, not now :(

Otherwise, all is ok.  

and I am grateful for many things - including lovely and very important doctors that go out of their way despite being over worked already, and lovely maths teachers that don't make me feel like an interfering old biddy when I ring to discuss the complexities of Small Man's situation :)

G

x♥x

~Bahahahahahahah!~

Big A was talking to his parents the other night

They were going to 'fly down and surprise' us next week.......

I know who'd be getting the surprise - this house is a WRITE OFF at the moment.....

That would be like the biggest 'drop in' ever - as in EVER

Bahahahaha!!

G
xx

~And Then.....~

The letter arrived today

Possum didn't get the job

It's not all negative though, as the guy that did get the job's position will now be available

And the guy that gave Possum the traineeship would be doing the interviews for this one

I am just very pleased the letter didn't arrive yesterday

G

xx

Dr Matt - golden boy indeed

Thanks so much guys

I think I lost it there for a while

I know how much worse it could be, but jeez, one thing going right would have been nice

I emailed Dr Matt in between extreme crying episodes

Extreme crying episodes, I had two friends that were meant to come up today, thank god I put them off to another day

Let a whole lot of emotion out - my eyes really hurt now

Matt replied - he forwarded my email to the hospital weight loss social worker

He wants to discuss this/Lachlan with her Thursday

Even if he gets the band in a few months time - he has 60kg to lose - how long do they reckon that's going to take given his circumstances

Luckily he had a good day at college today - he finished early - and is exhausted but he had a good day.  

He took the news fairly well. 

I guess he knows his mother doesn't give up too easily

G

xx

FML

Fuck it - all of it

Not sure how much more I can take to be honest

Now centrelink have said no to the pension for Small Man because he is on a waiting list for a lap band

because lap bands are a cure for chronic fatigue syndrome - or didn't you know that?????

no me either.

I am sick to death of the disappointments, the lets downs he has to go through - even just opening his bank account was a fucking nightmare which they fucked up royally

we can appeal the decision, and appeal I will no risk at all

I was so devastated I did a very silly thing

and lit up a cigarette had a few puffs and put it out

I won't take it up again as it will only make everything worse
right at that moment though the disappointment and distress was more than I could handle

Especially as I had just dropped him off at college - he was so nervous and anxious - I drove away and could feel his nerves as he stood in the middle of the crowd

Then got home to that phone call

and I know how he's going to be after being at college today

and they have the cheek to tell me a lap band is going to fix everyhting - I don't even know if we are still on a waiting list or if we ever were

It's just too hard

It really is

G
x

~Well Actually~

George - Not usually allowed on the bench but I made an exception - Max wouldn't leave him alone!

I don't feel too bad today - for once

I am alternating between the chin strap which looks extremely HOT and it's a good job no-one can see me in it....and the mouthguard which I can at least hide a little

I will see which one works best

The gauge? How I feel the next day

Have a weird elbow issue, seems I have a bit of arthritis or something in it.  I have had tennis elbow in the other elbow before, so this was unexpected.  It's actually quite painful.

I'd still rather have that in both elbows than the sleep problem

I have had to get tough with a few people this week with work

I really don't like it when I am forced to lay laws down etc, it's not how I do things

At the same time they are taking advantage/are completely audacious/think they are doing me a favour or something and had to be told otherwise

Not fair on those that are doing their job and doing it well

I have questioned their commitment - and only one of two has responded - the silence from the other speaks volumes!

Hoping to get some more done around here this weekend.

What I need is an army that I can direct to do each job, not because I don't want to do it myself I want it all done at once and get overwhelmed by it - where to start? 

Then I just don't get anything started or finished. 

I am my own worst enemy.

I do my own head in.

I want things to be super organised, I NEED it, I'm just having trouble getting  it all there.

I rang the hospital and they are still following it up.  The best bit of the conversation was that it didn't necessarily mean that Small Man isn't on the waiting list at all.  So we will see.

We have other things, like starting college this week, so we'll be distracted with that...

No news on the pension or Possums job as yet.

G

x♥x

~Just Wondering....~

...WHY I am getting traffic here from Adult Friend Finder????

Umm......NO THANKS!!!

Just....NO.......if I wanted to 'swing' I have a perfectly good clothesline out the back I can swing from.

~Unusual Tosslecap with Sunbeams~

Bahahahaha - I went to write a title for this post, and a list dropped down - and this was at the top....

I have NFI what it means - but I didn't have a title up my sleeve so this is it

No doubt something to do with one of the online games one of the males around here play

--------

It feels like we are on the 'edge' of so many things - mostly because nothing has changed since my last few posts - no news about anything - hospital waiting list, Possums job or the pension claim.

I did, however, find out that I snored Thursday night, which would explain an awful lot about Friday and how in despair I felt.  I did have a late night also the night of the Queensland cyclones, a restless evenind Monday night after the hospital called.....so not a typical week I guess.

I'm not really sure what to do next, I will need to give the mouthguard/splint some more time first. 

I have also ordered a chin strap which is on it's way from Hong Kong or somewhere - I'll be the gear with that around my head!! 

Oh well, if it works I could care less.

 __________

I went through my wardrobe yesterday like a human hurricane - I have packed a storage box full of clothes that don't fit at the moment, but which I love and can't afford to replace - never mind that most of them came from eBay or the op shop!

They were taking up too much room so they are best packed away for another time.

I still have lots to do in there, it's going to feel much more organised though.

The cats went mad with excitement thinking i was pulling things out for them to play with, Max was in and out of the storage tub, hanging off the end of the clothes.....

Who me?

It feels strange not having a child to organise for primary or high school for the first year in many.......

We will trot down to the college this week to confirm Small Man's subjects etc 

If I run into the principal I might have to bail her up and introduce myself, seeing as how she interviewed Possum for the job last week :P

G

x♥x

Couldn't win a raffle if I bought every ticket......

Why?

Why??

WTF???

So I have my mandibular splint, as recommended by the sleep doctor person and the ENT for my mild upper airway resistance thing, and to stop my snoring - hence letting me sleep and waking up 'refreshed' in the morning....

Being in the 'so fucking desperate if nothing changes soon I will loose the plot' category I have used it religiously since Monday night, and even used it when I have gone back to sleep again after Possum leaves for work (cos I get up with the Poss in the morning and see him off to work)...

I am even more tired

WTF?????

Big A said I didn't snore Wednesday night, not sure about last night

This is bullshit

I couldn't get up this morning, aside from ten minutes with Poss befeore he left for work

I was in bed at 10.30pm last night

I can't understand it.................I just can't win :(

G

x♥x

And then it hits me. A comment that the sleep doc made when Small Man started on his CPAP - "It won't fix true CFS".  I can't even bear the thought of this being remotely possible.

*Sigh x1928540832*

Feeling a bit sad today

Trying to remain positive

But the continual bracing for bad news/delays/disappointment starts to get to you after a while - being human and all has it's disadvantages

I'm sure I'll feel better later

We are still waiting on the results of the Disability Pension claim, and now to find out if we have ever been on the waiting list for Small Mans operation and what this could mean - and of course Possums job interview.
There hasn't been much work around (or any really) for him, so if he is unsuccessful he will be out of work on the 15th of February, not that big of a deal but still not ideal.....

I went back to bed this morning, I did get my mouthguard (mandibular splint) Monday, and have used it both nights, I think it has helped but last night I didn't sleep with all of this on my mind.

I dreamt of my Dad, and of my Aunty (Dad's sister) who passed away in September last year.
Not sure what this has to do with anything but wanted to record it here anyway

G
x♥x

**Added at 1.45pm**

I emailed Dr Matt - who replied with "Strange - I woke up in the middle of the night last night and thought 'I haven't heard from G for a while, I must email her and find out what's happening'". 

Yeah I was definitely putting out the vibes last night thinking about this...

~*OH*~

Not sure of the significance of this

Or if it will change anything

But I had a call from the 'waiting list department' of the Royal Alfred Hospital today

They have Small Man's questionnaire/survey thing that I completed and returned after our appointment with the surgeon/last trip to Melbourne in JULY 2010

The only problem is that they don't have any paperwork from the surgeon

They will call me back either late this week or early next week

It could be ok - or it could mean a delay - oh ANOTHER delay..........that won't go down well now will it :(

I'm trying to remain neutral about it until I know exactly what happens next

G
x♥x

His interview was this morning

I'm pretty sure he looked and smelled the best, oh and had the shiniest smile, so that's good eh

He was just under 10 minutes early, in case he had to read through questions beforehand

If it's meant to be it's meant to be

He solved the practical problem they had for him, answered the questions well he thought and asked a some good ones himself

So we'll see - either way I am incredibly proud - he is proof that it can be done :D

G

x♥x