~ More Than Capable.....Thanks!!!!~

'Colourful' language warning - don't read if you can't hack a bit of swearing...or a lot....*ahem*

Ah well, another day done and dusted - actually stayed awake for the whole day today - I am surprised because yesterday wasn't the best - running a temperature all day - didn't even treadmill :( it just didn't seem too wise with a temperature.....

An almost disaster as we were told the order was going to be delivered late (late is usually the next day) - so I re-arranged my day and prepared the team for the worst - then receive a text message later in the afternoon to say it should be in the shed.....so I then reversed everything back again.

In the middle of all of this messaging and re-arranging and so on I felt very disappointed for the millionth time recently.  

Oh I am just waiting now for Small Man to have his operation, and for me to be sorted out, so that I can get another job. 

I don't care what it is, this is getting too much...

So it was all ok in the end, I have delivered to 3 of the team, 3 to go to tomorrow and 2 to pick theirs up, and then I'm done for the week

Oh I'm sticking to my hours, I am so not working for free!!

Things have been running smoothly here with Papa Bear away!

It sounds like he is having the time of his life  - which was the plan.  

I hope he doesn't get homesick, it's only 3 weeks away from home and I want him to have the best time ever!! Everything will be the same when he gets home :)

Not sure what people expected - I have had a few calls and got the "So are yo-ou alllrriiigghhht???" you know the tone - wtf do they think?? 

They probably mean well but I'm not great with anything that could be perceived as criticism  these days.

Especially from Mum, I need a bit of distance from, well not Mum actually but the creature she is married to.....I won't go into it now but things are still eating at me.

Just a small example right, they came up the other weekend to say bye to the Big A - that was nice - but the fat fucker sat on the couch chewing gum in the most annoying way I felt like punching him (I call him fat regardless of his weight....because I am mature like that...). 

I hadn't seen him/them since we got back from Canberra (soooo lucky) - and for someone that would have 'loved to have gone to my Auntys funeral etc etc etc' he couldn't even mention her or offer a single condolence to me.  

I have a job to even look at him most of the time.  

The instructions he gave Mum for when she was in Canberra were so idiotic - she is an adult isn't she?? Dickwank he is.....

I could say something to Mum but do you know the response I'd get???? 

"Have a talk to him about it" - missing the point Ma - I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to look at him....the damage is done after all of these years of being the 'good one' and attempting to accept him and his fucking psychotic ways.....I'm done with it for now.

I am polite because she's my Mum, that's about it now....

So where was I again??

Oh yeah .....what's not to manage??

They mustn't know me too well........we're doing fine!

G

xx

~Push It ..... Til Somethin Breaks...Or Not...~

Bloody Hell

I can't get in to the ear/nose/throat specialist until the 22nd November - which just happens to be my baby's 16th Birthday - nawww!

I have been attempting to disregard my extreme morning fatigue and exercise regardless - god knows giving in to it isn't working it's just making me feel terrible about how I look, on top of the fact that I am sleeping my life away...

I have been doing 20 - 40 minutes per day - and I will continue to do so until either something breaks or something improves.

A few weeks ago Small Man and I became members of the health centre at the casino which is close by..
He is only able to go once or twice per week at the moment (strict instructions from exercise physiologist) - but I'm hitting it whenever I can or treadmilling at home....

Something's gotta give!!

I wish it was simply a willpower issue - then it would be easy to overcome - it's SO not.......

G
x♥x

~ He Needs To Be Much More Careful In Japan - Ninja Encounter....~

How cute!

G
xx

~StrAnGer~

So, after such a build up - the man is in Japan

He left Tuesday

It hasn't started to feel strange yet - simply because I am used to him going away fishing and stuff

I must admit though - total lack of organisation has kicked in already - as far as doing things at certain times of the day go anyway 

I can get SO much more done if I can do it when I want - stop half way through if I feel like it -  get back to it later - regardless of the time of day


Not that he stops me from doing any of this - but I do tend to have meal times/clean at more traditional times of the day - naturally, because he is working or in bed. 
Personally I eat when I am hungry and sleep when I am tired/get dressed whenever, I always have.....I have an ADD time clock - all over the place but I am calmer living this way believe it or not - and things actually get done


Sleep, oh yes I have been back to bed (as I have done for the last 6 months at least) after Possum goes to work, and sleep until around 10.30am - this allows me to have a good 'rest of the day' - otherwise I'd be asleep somewhere between 4pm and 6pm.
 I just need it at the moment until I get this throat business sorted out...

.....which I see the GP for tomorrow to get referrals for a sleep study (yeah me too) and an ear/nose/throat doc and/or back to the gastroenterologist (???spell!!) because I have had extreme heartburn, which could be causing the throat thing.
I used to joke that 'the Almighty' had given me an ulcer after her reign of terror.......
I made a similar joke about having appendicitis once and ummm yeah......
The hernias I had checked earlier this year (?) are playing up again too.....they hurt and my stomach is huge, just huge - nothing is fitting me around the waist aside from tights and some trackpants.....ffs.....so I'll have to go around in my hat or a headband or something and pretend I just played tennis or did yoga or something......ffs......

I have written a newsletter as well today, time to whip the team into gear for the upcoming Christmas sales period - I am still copping them turning up when they feel like it and it drives me to despair.
Basically by knocking on my door they are turning up saying 'Right G you are working.......NOW' 
It stresses me out BIG TIME - naughty but a couple of times I....ummm...haven't answered the door.....but they don't seem to learn from this so once again it's in the newsletter...

 So yeah - it's all ok here - pleased to say I am calmer than my last post - but still pissed off about it - I have hidden all of my photos on facebook just in case :(


G
x♥x

Angry Angry Angry

Once again that fucking troll has reared her ugly head on facebook

Why won't she just leave me the hell alone???

Now she has added my brother and started asking about me

I know I 'shouldn't' let it get to me but it is - big time

I also know she is gunning for a reaction and I don't think I owe her even that after the things she had to say about me, my marriage, my children etc etc - nasty things too, really nasty not even worth repeating

She has also bailed up my Mum and my husband in the supermarket and try and get info about me - along with saying she 'still doesn't know why I'm not friends with her any more' STILL trying for attention - 8 or 9 years later for fucks sake - GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!

The final straw was adding a few friends of mine on facebook, yes friends of mine they were never friends of hers - a few months ago and then emailing and asking stuff about me, throwing in the sob story about how she doesn't know what happened and why we're not friends any more...but to now add my brother.....and for him to accept and not understand why I'm so upset!!!!!

If I contact her I am just giving her what she wants - an excuse to ring all her friends and bitch about me for another 8 years - and I'm over it now I really am

Not sure what to do......

but I'm MAD...

G

xx

**9.17pm - and now I've got a fucking headache**

~On mY miNd ToNiGht~

In no particular order...

I have to admit it.......I don't like football.

There, I said it. 

I fail to see the point in getting worked up over something you have no control over whatsoever. 

Yep I went there. 

And it's some sort of finals going on and the carry on.....it leaves me scratching my head and wondering why??

Sport itself is important, if people want to go to the footy good for them, I could never revolve my life around it though.

That's just me.....

*********

Possum's nerves have been bad recently, I think he needs an increase in his medication - we have tried a lower dose for several months and I don't think it's 'right'.

He had a slight muscle twitch or something last night - which resulted in part of a can of V being sprayed over the keyboard of my laptop.....he was terribly upset with himself.

He has been doing his 'habit' cough also, and a few other little things.....

*********

 I have been saying for a while that if I am still this unhappy with the company I work for after Small Man's operation I will be looking for another job.

I decided tonight, that before I do that I am going to approach one of the company founders and tell him exactly why it's going down the gurgler here - and how unhappy people are - and request to be part of changing that - this was not his vision for the company at all - it's not working - I may as well have a go at fixing it...if he'll let me.

This is why I haven't contacted him once since the changes came in, and the subsequent changes were introduced - I'm saving my say up for real change, improvement....even if just at a state level - so yep I'll be throwing my hat in the ring....

*********

Concerned for my cousin - my Aunty's granddaughter Gis.

She may be 18 but she was affected the most by Aunty Julie's death.

She was born to parents both addicted to heavy drugs, it has affected her ability to learn and slightly her ability to express emotion/understand (and I say it's quite mild, but still a worry).

She is still living with her Pa (my Aunty's husband) and is happy to be in her home, but she is lost.

Even though her mother has been clean for 5 or 6 years she still lives the life of a single person, and is more like a sister to Gis - not a mother.

Very sad situation, that has been held together by Aunty Julie until now :(

Luckily Gis is on facebook, I have added her and will try and stay in constant contact with her.

*********

I'm not going to write about the funeral.

*********

There is one couple that work 'for me' (so not implying that I am a manager I simply 'look after' the area they work in - bahaha!)  they are kind of frustrating me a bit, and putting my back up somewhat.  They were the only ones that thought only of themselves while we were away, just worried how it might affect them - yeah that doesn't fit in with my team I'm afraid.  It's not the first time, and they refuse to make small changes that would make things easier for themselves - would prefer to whinge when it blows up in their faces.

I am getting close to the end of my rope with it, it's aggravating me more than it should........

*********

Big A is off to Japan on Tuesday.....

So I'll be off then - to NOT watch the football - ha ha!

G

xx

~Oh yeah!!!...Oh My!!!.....Victory Is Mine.....!!!!~

Finally she has shown her true colours

The evil woman that made my work life an absolute living HELL for several years has been SACKED!!!

It almost makes up for their shitful new website and the 'EVEN MORE WORK' expected of us.....for bugger all $$
Oh and the fact that one of my ex managers has been asked to resign, and the 1/3 of my district that he took with him has been given to someone else............I worked for years on it but oh well, whatever......

At least if a higher position comes up I will be able to consider it now - before - not a chance.
Her and I together in the same room - never going to happen.

Hmmmm!

I feel like I can finally put it to rest now......which is feeling quite peaceful....

G
xxx

~ Oh Bloody Oath ~

I just don't know where to start with getting ready - I'm trying so hard but there are some things that just can't be done until tomorrow - meaning tomorrow is going to be one hell of a rush....

And I'm still not 100% - maybe about 60 - 70% so it makes things even harder

Jeez you find out the true nature of people when things like this happen

As far as work goes the extremes of attitude are incredible - I have been overwhelmed by offers of help (and I HATE having to ask for or accept help) and equally amazed by the selfishness of a few that only seem to care about how it affects them.

I mean - I am PAYING someone to come and pack my order for me Wednesday - out of the piss poor amount that I earn from this these days. 
Next time 'I might say you know what stuff it - you will have to wait until I get back' - but then that's not fair for the ones that have been so good to me.....grr....it's ok I'm just venting about shit 

I will just be pleased to get there Tuesday, my cousins have had some arguments - there are some strong personalities there they are half Arab half Aussie - my Aunty was a pretty wild and 'out there' lady who said what she thought and was herself around everyone, no matter what.  
Their dad had quite a 'critical eye' I am told - so they have a bit of both :)
They are definitely the 'interesting' side of the family and have had more than the usual familys share of drug problems in the past (not my Aunty, the cousins and their father).

My Aunty raised her Granddaughter from a few years of age until now (she is 18) because of my cousins drug dependancy - both girls have been clean for at least a few years now, lets hope they stay that way.

She also spent several years not knowing where her first husband (my cousins father) was after he was arrested overseas for attempted drug trafficking many years ago.

She definitely had some colourful stories to tell us.  
Their lives were so completely different to ours as children.

Gosh I think I just need to make a list and try and work out when to do each thing without doing my head in too much - thank goodnes Big A is off work and can help - it's just all of the little things that will need doing.......

G
x♥x

~ I'll Be Off Then ~

We're all booked up to go to Canberra - my god what a nightmare that was...

Last night we were talking about it all, not knowing when the funeral was going to be - and watching the return flights to Tassie virtually disappear while waiting for the family to call....

Add to this a work phone call that made my blood BOIL - and my head got to the near exploding stage....

I have not felt so stressed in a very long time....

Eventually we received the phone call to let us know when the funeral is - Wednesday 10am - oh boy quite possibly the most difficult day for me but anyway that's when it is and I will have to work around it....

We then set about booking flights - for 4 - my brother is also coming - but the best news is that MUM is coming too ON HER OWN!!!!!!!!!
Wow!
The most bizarre part is that we can get from here to Melbourne for $59 each - then from Melbourne to Canberra reasonably - to get back, just from Melbourne to Tasmania is going to be $329 EACH.
Oh well, like I said to Big A - it's only money.
Then we had to stay for 2 nights instead of one - they were just no connecting flights to get us back Wednesday night - unless we wanted to leave the funeral at 11.30am - which is kind of ridiculous as that is why we are going...
We have booked a hire car between us and accommodation - the accommodation took me nearly 2 hours to sort out and book (I'm seriously not joking) - we either needed 2 bedroom with a queen and 2 single beds - or two rooms one with twin beds.
Virtually everything that wasn't 5 star was fully booked - or we could get one night and not the other.
School holidays.

I have organised someone to come and pack my order Wednesday - and if my team want it Wednesday night (I usually take it to them) then they can jolly well come and pick it up!!!
Everyone keeps telling me stuff it works not the most important thing etc etc - the problem is it doesn't actually affect me at all initially - it affects my people though - some may have over 50 customers they have to ring and advise that the order is going to be late - and there is a flow on effect from this....

So anyway, it's all organised now....oh and did I mention my husband is going to Japan for 3 weeks in about  10 days???

G
xxx

~ I was just.........so sad~

I started a post this afternoon - then Toni came online and we were chatting

Then the phone rang - it was my cousin in Canberra 

My Aunty Julie - Dad's only sister, my only Aunt  - died this afternoon

So sad at the moment :(

She would be glad to 'be with John' (my Dad) but sad for those she has left behind, her children and Grandchildren (one she has raised from around 3 years of age)....and her partner of many years - who she married in a quick and quiet ceremony last year...


Fly free Aunty Julie......


G
xx