Better

Today was better.

I actually got through the work morning and didn't feel too bad.

I crashed this afternoon but the heat has been testing us all.

This thing is living up to it's unpredictability.

I finally got my appointment with 'The Professor'.
17th Feb - 7.15pm - an unusual time.....

I was thrilled to have found a friend on facebook that I haven't had contact with regularly for ages.


We met when we were 16 and shared the trials and tribulations of being 16 and not living at home, and a whole lotta mischief in between.
Actually I ended up living with her family for some time and learnt SO much about gratitude, and the things most of us take for granted (like hot running water for example).
This shaped me - a lot.
They had nothing and yet still found enough to feed one extra.
I gave them a heap of furniture when I left, they were so grateful - I still feel like nothing would be enough to repay them.

We looked quite similar back then - everyone though we were sisters.

I liked that - we were the only girls in our families - she has four brothers, I have one (technically).

She was with me the night I went into labour with Z17.
We went and ate pizza in town (Big A was at work) - we joked that the spicy pizza would bring on the baby - ha ha!

She braved her fear of hospitals to be with me when I miscarried.
And she stayed all day.


I still quote her mum regularly.
What a crackup.

We lost touch quite a few years ago - she had things going on in her life, breakdown of a relationship and moved out of town for a while.

So now we are back in touch.

And she is living close by.

I will be happy if we can stay in touch ~ even just to catch up sometimes.


G
xxx

Too hot...the weather that is....

Call me old fashioned but it's really not the weather to be out in the garage packing the order.

So everyone will have to adapt and accept that I will be delivering their stuff tomorrow midday, I'll pack it tonight when it cools down.

The fact that I had to go back to bed at midday today, and dragged myself out at 2.30pm to get Z17 organised for work contributed to this decision.

Bad, bad day.

Almost painful - the fatigue.

It's crap.


G
xx

Organise - ment

So much to organise and co-ordinate - as usual.

Dates, appointments, sufficient hours for driver licence - pah!

I have called 4 times to get my appointment time for this specialist - once she was out of the office, the next time I got the message bank, the next time she would call me back, then today I actually spoke to the secretary and got the same thing - she would call me back.
For heavens sake - have they never booked an appointment before?
Not even that, they already called - and I was out - and Small Man didn't write the message down...so all I need them to tell me is the time they have already made...sheeesh!!

Z17 has surprised me announcing before I had a chance to suggest it - that he take some annual leave for the first week or so back at school.
He'd already thought of it :)
So we have worked out dates for that.
And for dentists appointments (they need one tiny, tiny filling each - first they've had EVER!).
The only thing left is to see the GP for a review on Small Man, letters for the departments that be re: distance ed.....
Then of course the colonoscopy.....

We have worked out the weekend to have his 18th b'day party - Z17's b'day falls on a Monday, so the party will be the following weekend, Big A is rostered on to work - so will put in for time off for it. My brother works the same shift so he'll need to put in for that weekend as well.
Should shut a few people up.
Next to do is work out the venue etc etc etc etc and etc.
We are considering having it at Big A's karate hall - I'd prefer that to having it here - and at least we can take our own drinks and not pay a ridiculous price for them - and can do our own food or get it catered, and have some $ left for a DJ or whatever.

I am putting together something extremely special to give him - can't say what it is in case he is reading this 'Hi Poss!'.

This fatigue is still dragging me down,
like a grey blanket of weariness that I can't shake.
I'm getting a few hours per day of feeling mostly awake,
otherwise it's a variation on the dark pit.
Pah.
Rockstar energy drinks work better than anything else I've tried, but at $3.00 a pop and full of sugar I'm using them for emergencies only. Like once or twice a week, when I have to be somewhere for work.

So that's it from me, this is exciting as it gets :)

G
xx

Sooky La La's

Turns out it was a typical sooky la la conversation with FIL.

Starting with "We haven't heard from you since Christmas" - sook sook woe is me.
Umm....hello?
They cracked the shits Christmas Day anyway because they 'had' to ring us.
Poor things I dunno how they cope.

Then it was 'When are you going to send us your shift roster?'

Big A told him that Z17 has bought a car - all he could say was 'Oh right'.

He then told FIL about what Z17 wanted to do work wise.
Straight up 'No, he doesn't want to do that'.
Ummm...yes, he does, or he wouldn't be pursuing it.
He is nearly 18 and at the end of the day it's his choice - not theirs - they are NEVER going to try and control my kids.

Then it was all 'So what's happening with Z17's birthday...blah blah we need to book flights'
Big A told him we haven't organised anything yet - excuse us we are just in the middle of trying to get Z17 his licence, running him to and from work at all hours of the day and night, trying to sort out my health issues, continuing to try and get Small Man back to normal, Big A is on shift work and I have been flat out organising Christmas & celebration parties and Christmas dinner and working, throw in buying Z17's first car....but apart from that we have been bone friggen idle in the last month or so.

And his birthday isn't til the end of June!

In the end Big A ended the conversation with 'Gotta go - see ya'.

And they wonder why we don't ring.

MIL has gotten pissed and carried on at our wedding, Big A's 30th Birthday and FIL's 60th birthday - just to name a few.
I told Big A this morning if she starts to carry on at Z17's birthday I'll throw her out.
I'm not kidding.
And I really don't want them staying here either.
The bullshit routines they go on with drive me insane.
We don't have a spare room (well we do but it is set up as an office with little floor space these days) and it means Small Man has to sleep on the floor in Z17's room - he needs to sleep in his own bed.

So let's just see how that goes down.

Pah.

I am trying not to let this seep into me....the anger and frustration...trying to just be angry now, spit out how I feel, write a ranty email to my friend and then let it slide on by...like I'm teflon coated ha ha!...or it would chew me up.

And I don't need their crap weighing me down.....and they don't get to chew me up.

G
xx

An update of sorts

Z17's possible new venture has been put on hold - until he is 18.
That's o.k.
Everything happens for a reason.
He isn't disappointed - he has another 6 months to think about it, and decide if it's what he really wants.

Hopefully tomorrow will be 'Wake Up Australia" day for me.
I have slept and slept and slept since Thursday.
Not a 'Oh gee I'm a bit tired' thing, it's been a full on "I MUST sleep" - and rather than fight it I have gone with it - just between Friday night and today I have slept for around 25 hours.
Eeek.
Better news in that my stomach has decided to deflate quite a bit.
It almost looks normal.
I really hope it doesn't decide to blow up again.
Uggh.

It appears some trouble is brewing with the MIL & FIL.
I had a message tonight from Big A at work - he is going to fill me in on the details tomorrow.
It's something to do with Z17's 18th birthday.....

They want to hope to hell they don't cause ANY trouble on/before/around his birthday - or I WILL tell them their fortune this time.
It's one thing for them to screw up his childhood, and most of his memories of growing up - they better not do it to my kids.....no actually make that they WILL NOT do it to my kids.

If I have to tell them to f@ck off - I will.
I've been busting to do it for years anyway but always respected my poor Big A and tried to be 'pleasant' and 'neutral' for his sake - he's been through enough.

Christmas this year was the same old same old - they ring, speak to Big A and the boys, then hang up.
His sister does exactly the same thing - only she is even more arrogant and rude and rings Big A's mobile phone (can't even ring our home number Xmas day), speaks to him, then hangs up.
They can get knotted.

Glad I got that off my chest!!!
There could be further raving tomorrow - just warning ya!

G
xxx

~*Groundhog Day*~

It really struck me this evening just how similar my life is now to how it was ten years ago.

Big A is back on shift work, I have a personal team again (many of them have been with me for years) and my health issues are virtually identical.

In October 1998 I had a colonoscopy and was told I had IBS.....
Several weeks later I had a ruptured ovarian cyst removed.

In early 1999 I received THE letter accepting my application to what was then known as 'Area Manager'.
I took over with less than 5 on my team ~ and have built the area, along with appointing several assistant managers ~ to a team of 35 - 40.
And became a District Manager along the way.

Big A is much happier this time around.

I am just as happy and enthusiastic as I was ten years ago.

I wonder where we will be in another ten years?

The mind boggles!

G
xxx

Crossroads and other things

Hi All,

A quiet evening here.

I started back to work this week ~ I was going well until yesterday afternoon and crashed/burned/died in the ass in a big way.

I guess last weekend was pretty big - as far as excitement and preparation goes.
And it was well worth it.
I need to remember my energy levels are not up to scratch, and this was excellent proof that it's a physical thing.
I can't remember being this happy and peaceful in a long time.

Hell, I've even been VISITING this week.
Yup - actual people - not dropping by blogs - visiting people - twice in fact - crikey!
AND they noticed how calm and relaxed, and happy I look (and fat in the gut, but of course they didn't say - ha ha!).



We have had something come up with Z17 - an opportunity which marks a crossroads in his life.
No decisions have been made,
nothing is in writing - we are just waiting for him.
However if he chooses path B it will mean not attending grade 12 this year.

Big decisions.

I look at Z17 and Small Man and can see directly into their hearts - and though he may be a little nervous, and a little fearful I do feel it's what he wants.
I encourage them both to make their own decisions, with guidance from us.
I like to think we have taught them to make the right choices for themselves and by doing this and putting the ball in their courts they seem to.
I don't think I'm the perfect parent by any stretch ~ but I have never wanted to be domineering - just involved.
I don't try and be their best mate ~ but I am always here for them to talk to (and try not to act like a hysterical mother when they tell me something I may not want to hear).

And I never, EVER want to hold them back from trying something challenging or different - I will NEVER tell them 'You can't, you're not co-ordinated/clever/fast/whatever enough for that'.

I know someone whose daughter wanted to be a Vet - she snorted and said 'You'd never get through the schooling for that - stick with a job as a check out chick'.
I nearly bit my tongue clean off.


I will know more by the end of the weekend.

Small Man has given me permission to post a link to his myspace - so that you can check out his photos - they do look great on his page - click here <...>
Turn your speakers down first, unless you're on your own and don't mind some 'choice' music....(I mean with language involved!)......


So anyway, that's me for tonight,
what's happenin at your place?

G
xx

Some Photos

I got sick of seeing my head every time I landed on my page.

And prefer these shots for sure :)

I took the photos and Small Man edited them.

I'm not sure what the program was he used but it had some good stuff (sorry to get all technical on you! he he!) that I don't have on mine, so I better find out eh.

Oh, yeah and it's been hairdressing week here with a major bleach for Small Man!

G
xxx

......NO........

Dr Matt replied this afternoon.

The answer is NO.

I will give you his reasons.....I do actually understand, and I'm not angry his reasons are quite acceptable....

"I definitely wouldn't be advocating for 'Small Man' to have a lap-band at this stage. It could be a disaster given the pyschological issues around some of his eating behaviours.
It has been shown before that in these types of cases some people have eaten beyond their bands - that is that, despite the physical restriction that the band provides, the pyschological motivation to eat is so great that they overeat leading to acute complications such as ruptured stomach/oesophagus.
Above and beyond this though is that we'd be setting him up to fail.
As we discussed, I think we should really be aiming to try and get him enrolled into some type of pyschological counselling program to tackle his food phobias.
I'll do some research into this for you."



So we'll go with plan B.

At least I know what to expect now, what to aim for, what to prepare him for etc.
I didn't tell Small Man I'd emailed Dr Matt and asked again about the lap band.

He freaked out about the psychologist/therapy for his food issues - I guess I would too if I was told I'd be having therapy to help with my extreme phobia of rats.
And it IS the same thing, in his mind certain foods are just too repulsive he can't touch them, smell them or sit next to someone else while they are eating them.

So anyway, one step at a time.
However slow and tiny they seem.

G
xx

Away, away, away

I rang the Professor that I need to make an appointment with for colonoscopy - AWAY until the 6th Feb.

I rang Dr Matt at Royal Childrens re: Small Man - he wants him to continue with the Xenical, but basically try harder with his diet.
He also wants him to have some therapy re: his food phobias (my suggestion) - I can't see how his current diet will be good in the long term and would like to widen the scope of foods he can eat.
I need to go and see Dr D the paed here to a. get a prescription repeat b. work out a suitable therapy place for him to go.
I rang his surgery - AWAY until the 16th Feb.

I just wonder whether getting the lap band done, him losing weight and getting to a more 'normal' size - THEN doing the therapy for the food issues wouldn't be a better idea.
In March it will be 3 years since he first caught glandular fever, and the whole thing started.
I just don't know how receptive he's going to be to further stuffing around.

I did suggest to him that we go down and have a look at a gym that has opened recently, I think it would be preferable to physio - his fatigue is so random and unpredictable being stuck with appointments just isn't always the best option.
He seemed o.k. with that.

This year would be ideal for the lap band - as he will be at home schooling via distance ed again for the whole year.
I would really like him to be able to attend grade ten at the local high school next year - at this rate there will be no change......

*sigh**sigh**sigh*

It all seems a bit hard today I must admit.

G
xx

Frustrating times, tests and more tests

My appointment went o.k.

I think....

GP is sending me to a gastroenterologist for a colonoscopy.

He seems to feel these lumps are lipomas - but wants me to have the colonoscopy first before doing anything else with them.

My blood tests had a few out of range levels (lymphocytes, eGFR) and my IgE (food intolerance) level was 80 - normal range is less than 25.

That's fine but the specific tests for allergies didn't show one food group that I am sensitive to - so it was pretty much a waste of time in that respect - I was disappointed I just want to know what not to eat then I won't eat it - simple.

The haematologist put a few notes in with my test results asking for me to be re-tested in 4-6 weeks.
He has written 'Lymphocytosis? Reactive viral? Early lymphoproliferative disorder?' and another comment on kidney function and my results there.

So who knows.

I guess I'll find out.

Thank heavens for private health insurance - or I'd have had to wait AGES.

G
xx

And on it goes

Back to the doctor tomorrow.

Need to get test results and discuss another lump (hernia?) I've found in a more 'typical hernia' spot.

It's getting quite old quite fast.

By the end of the day I look 6 months pregnant.

I feel like crap and have done for some time now.

I'm not throwing a pity party for myself, and I know it could be way worse - I am just sick of it, everything else in my life is going so well.

Hopefully we can get something sorted tomorrow.

**********

The party is all but organised - getting rsvp's was like pulling teeth.
CM has been so flexible - I have to remind myself she ISN'T the Almighty and is therefore not getting around with a stick up her bum over rules and regulations.
Which is always a bonus eh!
AND BBB (big big boss) is coming HERE on Sunday morning to MY HOUSE!
Honoured, excited, nervous.........!!

********

Have been in touch with Dr Matt in Melbourne re: Small Man.
Am calling him Friday to discuss further.

********

Z17 is getting closer to his drivers test date.
Oh me nerves!
We have booked him in for 5 lessons before the 6th Feb.
He had his first one yesterday, and it went well.
We still need to get his hours up - learners have to have 50 documented hours of driving in their log book before they can go for their provisional licence.....it takes a bit to get the hours, easier now he has his own car.

********

That's about all of the news around here today,

G
xx

Embarrasing Photos For Jen!

This one is titled 'too fat to sit up' (nothings changed there - haw haw!) - and what about that mohawk....well ahead of myself there!


....and this one I like to call 'hideous frock' or 'where are my arms?'

Ha ha ha!

I should explain - these photos are in response to a challenge posted by the lovely Jen !

G
xxx

Hustling and Bustling

With all of the hustle and bustle and hoo ha going on this week......

I forgot to take my Christmas Tree down........DERR!

Oops!!

Better get onto that today!

*sigh*

G
xx

***Added at 2.45pm*** -

All done - it took a whole ten minutes....!!

O.K......I'm awake!

This was SUPPOSED to be my final week off - you know, week off as in not working....

I had organised for my team to come over today and bring their orders for next week - that was fine.
Instead I have spent much time on the phone, and more time on the internet researching and organising our upcoming function, oh and of course dealing with ungrateful people.
I have had team memeber queries, customer queries, email queries......you name it it's happened.

Next year I might just say I'll be away for two weeks!
As much as I enjoy my job and my people, everyone needs a break - but it seems there has been something continually.
A hazard of working from home - it's always there.

I spoke with Mr Ungrateful last night on the phone.
For whatever reason there wasn't an opening for me to say what I wanted to say, also he rang quite excited to have two new people starting at once.
It just wasn't the right time to 'throw' it into the conversation.

But it will be thrown in at the right time.
I was quite reserved and quieter than usual on the phone (and he knew it, and he knew why),
he was treading carefully, trying to make it up to me with good news, and asking me to come over for a meeting tomorrow with his team to do a re-shuffle of their territories.

An apology would make it up to me a lot better.
But some people just don't know how to go about it do they.
And I won't fall into that 'But I would have apologised' or 'I'd do....' or 'I wouldn't have.....' because he is not me, and I am not him - and the world may become quite boring if we were all the same.

So I can go back to feeling excited about our upcoming party.
Because for a few days there (after the great phone conversation fiasco) it felt as exciting as a cold wet rock.
AND Big A asked me if he could come to the party too - now THAT is WOW!
It is so good to have him enthusiastic and involved, and wanting to share it a bit with me.
It is supposed to be registered people only - it's only my name on the agreement so that means not Big A.
No partners this time.
I will ask however if I can pay the $/person for him.
My ladies today think he should be allowed to go, as I am the northern manager.
But I can't be an exception, as there are a few couples that work together and only one is listed on the agreement - so only one of them can go.
I would like him to be able to come and meet our Big Big Boss - before he retires......

So at the end of my holidays.....taken in dribs and drabs which isn't the same....I'm awake now.

G
xxx

Even Footing

So I'm back on level ground today.

40 minutes - mostly boxing on the wii Fit last night helped!

Just to add, the 'antagoniser' doesn't live under the same roof as me so it's o.k. !

No apology yet - but a 'testing the water' email in response to something general I sent.

Nah - put him out in the cold for a few days - and I will be telling him if it ever happens again I will either:
a: hang up
b: tell him what I REALLY think

He can have the choice.
Or not bother ringing me carrying on after a few drinks would be preferable.

*******

FINALLY got the blood tests done today.

From what I read it is best to prepare for Celiac Disease tests by eating at least two slices of bread per day for a few weeks before hand.

So I did, but not for a few weeks - just a few days.

We'll see.

I'll make an appointment to see about the results of this and the ultrasound next week some time.

******

Lots to do this week, my ladies are all coming over Friday to get started again for the year - so a few scones will be required.

Our reward party to organise - I found out about it yesterday, it's in 11 days - rrriiiiiggghhhht - and I need to book a venue and catering........rrrriiiigggghhhttt....sure, no worries - ha ha ha!

That's what the phone call last night was based on, because the original day/time didn't suit someone, it then ended up being about the location - wrong apparently, the transport - wrong apparently......the lot.....and it went on and on and on (and more).
You would think it was a party for one guest.
Like hell.

So anyway that's it for today - must go and pick up Z17 from work,

G
xxx

NOT a punching bag.....

MEMO TO EVERYONE (except you guys reading this of course!):

Despite appearances I am NOT an emotional punching bag for your bad moods.

Therefore I do not expect to bear the brunt of your sulkiness, selfishness or spoilt child like tantrums.

I am not God and am not responsible for whatever/whoever it is that has pissed you off.

If I was God however I would tell you to

a. GROW THE F*#K UP -

b. BUILD A MASSIVE BRIDGE

c. Take it out on the right person.

But no, good old 'G' just takes it,
doesn't argue back much,
stays calm and keeps it all to herself.

Maybe that needs to change.

Some people would get a MIGHTY rude shock if I said what I thought occasionally.

So maybe I'll start.

Rant over.

G
xxx

Creepy Freaks Should Stay At Home

Small Man and I went for supplies tonight.
I ran into someone I really didn't want to see.

The night before my work Xmas party I was at a different supermarket getting last minute stuff - when I hear this
"Hey YOU - hey beautiful.....whistle.....and so on"
The next thing a beer breathed short arsed freak was standing right next to me LEANING against me and saying crap like "Isn't it great what you can pick up at the supermarket" and "I saw you all the way from the front of the store and had to come and talk to you" - and some other references to the size of my bust *blushes*
Normally I can handle this type of thing but he was SO aggressive, and wouldn't leave me alone.
This went on for a good 10- 15 minutes while I tried to remember what I needed, and at the same time get the hell outta there, but he made sure he kept running into me at every opportunity.
The young kids at the supermarket didn't have a clue what to do, as I was obvious getting flustered.
In the end I was saved by one of Z17's mates - he offered to walk me out to my car - I was too scared to walk out there on my own.
I was still quite rattled.

I told Big A what happened when he got home.

Two days later I picked Big A up from the pub (he and PB had an afternoon betting on the horses) - when who do I see walking along the road.......Big A wanted me to stop - uh nuh I didn't want him in jail for Xmas.....thanks.......he saw me driving and recognised me. It freaked me out.

Then today - Small Man gave him the death stare - I asked him not to say a word - what might happen if I'm on my own again?

He got on his motorbike (with L plates - how attractive he's like late 40's) and gave me a horrid creepy half smile look (you know, THAT look) before driving off.

Why the hell am I running into this freak?

The story made supermarket news/gossip apparently - one of the boys that works there is friends with Z17 (he wasn't there that night) - he told me today he'd heard about it.
It is a small local supermarket I guess but still.
Z17's mate said he was going to ask their manager to check the security tape of the night, and ban the guy from going in there.
Won't that just make things worse?
My experience with these type of people is to stay well away and don't wind them up........

Hmm...

G
xxx

Birthday Eve

So it's birthday eve,

I'm all shopped out,

Big A and went to 'town' today (the city),

we bought:
t-shirts and shorts for Big A
trackpants and a t-shirt, and new doona for Small Man,
a t-shirt for Z17 (I've just paid for his insurance on his car, and petrol....and so on...)
two tops and two pairs of shoes for me,
a new toaster and a new oven mitt (how exciting!!!)

We then went and collected PB and his daughter and went to an awesome wholesale butcher in the country (about 15 minutes drive away) well worth the trip for King Island roast beef at $6.99 per kilo!
We bought heaps for the freezer, a variety of stuff really but all very good, and extremely well priced.

We then had milo/beer at PB's to discuss plans for tomorrow -
PB is hosting a birthday party for me/New Year party at his house - nice!!!
He is expecting approx 25 guests.
We are barbecuing - should be a great night - I hope the weather is calm and warm.
I have said there will be no chocolate ripple cake involoved - ha ha!
So I'm making fruit salad this time......

I'm not a bit phased about turning 37 - it doesn't bother me to be honest!
Birthdays have often been a bit blah (with the whole adoption biz) - regardless of the celebrations - but this year I'm determined to just 'go with it'.

G
xxx

Thoughts On 2009

I don't 'do' resolutions - not sure why maybe it's fear of failure - he he!

More so I prefer 'wishes' for the year - or hopes.

So I have a hope list.

I hope for progression with Small Man's situation ~ eg give the boy the lap band and let's get on with it.....my GP agrees, do it....do it NOW!

I hope for improvement in my own health ~ if my body would only go at half the speed of my head LOOKOUT!
I guess I have made steps towards this, although I have had to put my wii Fit on hold until I know what's happening with my gut :( Hula Hooping and sit ups maybe not the best idea if I have a 'Spigelian' hernia as my doc suspects......

I hope to organise my time a lot better and stop wasting time/putting things off (classic ADD behaviour, but still not productive) - I need to give more time to the boys as far as their schooling is concerned (well I feel like I need to anyway).
I need to be in a better routine as far as housework is concerned. Not letting things build up at least would be good.
Hmmm...to be more organised....my eternal wish!

Believe it or not - this is about all I am hoping for for 2009

What are you hoping for?

G
xxx

**~**HAPPY NEW YEAR**~**!!

Happy New Year.......

To each and every one of you!



Thank you for a year of friendship and support...............

.....funny, kind, thoughtful and caring comments.....

I wish you all:

Peace
Love
Joy
Happiness
Prosperity
Good Health
Friendship
Good Fortune
Success
Laughter

I look forward to sharing my 2009 with you


G
xxx