Are You My Friend?

On Facebook?



I just have a little request for anyone that publishes their blog on Facebook and has me in their blog roll....

Can you please change my name to something non identifying?

No-one in my 'real' life knows that I blog, and links can be found easily via Facebook/your blog.


I don't want to have to start 'holding back' in my posts,

Thank you ♥

G
xx

3 Years Later....

And I'm still here

Blogging at random

Well it's actually 3 years and two weeks since I started my blog

It has been at times an invaluable reference for me to note all that has transpired, dates, events etc

It has been a rollercoaster, thats for sure

I have met some wonderful people, some have come and gone and that's ok, others have stuck with me and for that I am grateful ♥ Thank YOU

Even looking back at the events of 12 months ago - WHOA!! - this time last year: I was told the position I hold with the company I work for was to become obselete after 10 years hard graft, my eldest son turned 18, and we had 3 deaths in the family over the space of 6 days.......

But you get through the hard/sad/challenging times, because you have to.
That's how life is.
Can't see anyone else doing it for you!

It's all about balance as I see it.
I rejoice with my whole heart at the positive/happy times, they make up for the rest.....

G
xxx

As It Should Be...

Well.....that was a bit too easy!!

I dunno what you were worried about - har har!!

How nice to be treated with a bit of respect, not asked stupid/trick questions, no hint of doubt and not made feel like a drug dealer....for a change.

And to hear what a dickhead that other doctor I saw actually is - not in that exact phrasing but we got what he meant!!

New doc was on time, wasn't into grilling me for an hour, actually reckons I should be taking MORE meds than I do currently, AND is going to see Possum in the holidays for re-assesment.

PHEW!!!!

Big A had more trouble after the appointment when we went to a chemist in Devonport, and had to give his drivers licence to buy Sudafed!!!

So I am good to go for another 12 months :)

Good thing as the trip to Melbourne is hotting up - with us seeing both Prof Dixon (ants pants of lap bands) AND Dr Peter Nottle (leading laprascopic surgeon, pioneered laprascopic surgery in Aus, in his private rooms, no charge).....along with the chronic fatgue specialist....and Dr Matt of course :)

So it's all good then :)

G
xx

Ready....Set......

Ah well how nice, a long weekend

In an attempt to get ready for my appointment in Burnie tomorrow I went in search of some old school reports I had somewhere

Actually picked the correct drawer which was amazing in itself

What do you think I found?

12 pairs of stockings - 3 are new unopened

14 pairs of knickers that no longer fit

27 bras that no longer fit - I mean really who has 27 bras, let alone that no longer fit?
My answer to that is, after throwing out a few, most of them are waay to good to throw out - and just think if I lose 20 - 30 kg they will fit again.......yeah........

Many adorable old Mothers Day cards the boys and Big A have given me over the years, some old photos, a belt Big A has been looking for for months (!!) etc

I did eventually find the school reports - oh dear - it was so freaking obvious I had ADD what the fuck were they doing????
Oh, that's right I was about 20 years too early.....soz about that.....
Some of the comments were both sad and hilarious all at once

"G is her own worst enemy"
"I have no idea how G manages to maintain this grade with such little effort"
"Attitude - poor"
"Constantly disruptive and often speaks at a volume which is too loud" (Yeah?? turn ya hearing aid down then)
"Could have achieved higher result if work had been completed and handed in"
"Too easily distracted"


Etc etc etc

Basically it is plastered all over every single one - no wonder my self esteem and attitude was so shit!!!

He can take one look at those and there is no doubt.
I have never taken them to an appt before, but I'm not driving all the way down there without some big guns (oh and my school reports - bahahaha!)

I am LOVING the new work arrangement, it's exactly what I needed.

Have booked to go to Melbourne on the 25th of July - FINALLY.

So a few things are coming together, along with a therapist appointment Wednesday and our first exercise physiologist appointment next Monday.
It's just a matter of keeping Small Man positive about his school work, and help him stay on track now so that he can finish the year/high school on a good note....

G
xxx

Got around to it

Finally talked to my Mum about it all this morning.

I went to bed last night and the tears just streamed and streamed - I thought silently but then Big A asked what was wrong.......I didn't actually have an answer....it just felt like I had too many tears and I needed to let some out...or something

I am extremely proud and stubborn, I am so used to doing everything for myself and I find it really, really hard to ask for help - even if it's just a simple question on how to do something...

So then if I do ask for help and feel knocked back in any way, or that I've been a bother, it makes it all the harder for me to ever ask again (even if it's a different person).
I don't know why it's just the way I am

I'm pretty sure Mum can read my mind
I have had some thoughts over the last few days about the differences in the level of support that is offered to some over others in the family, and how things seem to have changed with that
Especially in regards to the grandchildren and the time spent with them
I have posted about this before so won't go into it all again

I heard Mum is having my niece for several nights over the holidays, and taking her to Hobart to see Great Grandma
I was never even offered a day when my boys were that age, not even when they had holidays from work - nothing
It was like pulling teeth - I had to ask well in advance, they would come over to our house they'd never take the boys for the night
Big A's family are on the mainland - so I never, ever got a break even just for a day
Mum has retired now but still, it hurts to think they didn't ever even offer or WANT TO

She has been going out to my brothers and doing his housework, weekly.
He is paying her to do it.
I thought it would have been nice just if she had rung me and offered with how things have been recently, she only lives 5 minutes away.
I would probably say no even if she had but when the offer isn't even there......

So anyway she called me today and we spoke for 80 minutes

I told her the latest (hadn't told her about us getting a date for Melbourne or the menopause stuff).
She said she thinks of me often, and thinks I should call in and see if I can do anything to help but just don't seem to get to it
I said that it was ok, and that I am used to doing everything on my own and not having any help (I wasn't being nasty, it's true)
Maybe I come across as too independent, and people think that they couldn't possibly be helpful??
It's not the actual doing, it's knowing that the thought was there that means the most

I can't tell her how I feel about the business with my niece, I just can't.
I htink she knows it already and tries to make up for it - which is impossible.
At the end of the day the past can't be changed, so perhaps I just need to start building a bridge.
I don't expect my niece to miss out on her Grandma, if anything I am bitter towards my step father because he calls the shots, and I feel sometimes he deliberately rubs it in my face how much time my niece spends with them, just to hurt me.

Physically I am not much better than I was last week although I am a bit less tired this morning/today

I am waking up puffy looking (my 'doesn't notice ANYTHING' 18 year old noticed it this morning, he doesn't really know what is going on, but said "are you ok Mum, you are all puffy lookin")
Also and can't feel the tips of my fingers when I first wake up, makes turning the alarm off a bit tricky.
The puffiness is lasting longer and longer into the day
I am not sleeping particularly well and can sleep for 12 hours at a time
My voice is still croaky on and off.....
My eyes look weird!!
Some of the stuff that went away a bit off the pill seems to have come back....weird....

Aside from that though....

I do have an appointment in Burnie (160km away) at 10am next Tuesday!! OMG - 10am - means we would have to leave around 8 o'clock IN THE MORNING!!!
Thank god Big A has the day off, isn't on night shift or anything that night, and is going to take me.....

My ADD friend went to see this doctor a few weeks ago and he was fine, did the usual first appointment work up but he does prescribe, and doesn't believe you wake up on your 18th birthday ADD free which will make a pleasant change
Lets hope he also doesn't believe you need to be dressed a certain way to meet criteria, or that you should be part of a certain socio economic group
There are many people that fit into main stream society that have these disorders - no need to stereotype

How's this - the public hospital here (the one that I was forced to go to and was told all that shit) is now REFUSING TO SEE ADULTS WITH ADD/ADHD!!!!
Probably a good thing as none of them have a clue what they are talking about, but seriously WTF!!!!

So I guess I have sorted a few things out.
I am still feeling quite teary and could cry easily, I'm not sure why.

G
xx

Dates...and the need to clone myself

Well I'm still in one piece

After crying for 3 days straight last week......since resuming the pill I have settled down, emotionally at least

Basically my estrogen level has plummeted in the last 5 years from over 1100 down to 190 - and my fsh has doubled - and my cholesterol has increased for no reason.
So while I did still have estrogen at the time of the test I had only stopped taking the pill 3 weeks earlier, if I left it another few weeks it most likely would have been much lower

I had no intention of having any more children, but when that decision is made for you it's a whole different story
I wouldn't let Big A even think about a vasectomy until we were both over 35, and by then my hormones were playing up already (I think this has been going on for about 2 years)
Ah well he won't need one now

Physically I am still drained and sleeping a lot/puffy eyes/pale/gravelly voiced and had gained 5kg when I weighed myself Sunday
I have dropped 2kg already
My weight doesn't alter EVER these days, aside from increasing

Hopefully now I can get some strength back and possibly feel some of the benefits of giving up smoking
My house is showing definite signs of neglect and inability to give a rats arse recently.....make that the last 6 weeks.....

I have re-arranged the work stuff, it's going to much better this way

In the last 3 days I have organised a new care plan for Small Man, organised appointments with a new exercise physiologist who will actually do stuff with him at the appointment rather than sit there and dribble shit for half an hour.
Booked further appointments with his occupational therapist lady (for eating disorder) who does counselling/psychology also - and spent 45 minutes on the phone to me Saturday when I was falling apart

BOOKED TO GO TO MELBOURNE - just the appointment with the chronic fatigue specialist, not the flights yet.
We will also see Matt and hopefully one of the surgeons if he can organise it

Sent a referral for myself to see a new doctor in Burnie for ADD, if he is ok I will take Possum as well - just need to ring and make an appointment tomorrow


So we might get somewhere hey.....

G
xx