I don't need to be constantly told or acknowledged that the last 4 years have been extremely difficult, but occasionally it's reassuring.
Often I feel like I haven't done enough, or could have done more.
My doctor has assured me I can't do any more than what I am doing.
It would just be nice once in a while for family to 'get it'.
They seem to act like nothings happening, that it just is at is it.
It's true - it is 'as it is' but fair dinkum they could at least ask me occasionally how I'm coping.
And then there are others that don't seem to see how emotionally over stretched I have been recently, and any other outside stress amplifies the whole thing.
I had a visit from two of Small Man's teachers on Thursday, and their reaction to his story was so touching, one was moved almost to tears.
Then when I told her Possums story and what we have been through.......well.....
Why is it strangers can see it so clearly?
As I have said many times before, I don't want sympathy, just understanding and support - and no extra expectations piled onto me as a wife/daughter/daughter in law/sister when I am struggling.
At the end of the day I don't know any different to having two children that need a lot extra, that's just how it is.
I am quite independent in all areas.
I don't ask for help - I can't.
I don't nag, I never want for this or that, I just get on with it.
It's tiring, and sometimes just one extra little thing can be too much, and I'm worn out at present.
The ongoing stress and worry presents itself physically in me - I can't help it.
I'm finally prepared to admit out loud that I have taken these last blood test results pretty hard.
It's destroying to realise there has been no improvement whatsoever, in fact things are worse.
So why can't they all just get it?
Why can't they just put themselves in my place for 5 minutes?
Just because I appear to be coping on the outside, scratch the surface the tiniest bit and the cracks will appear.
I don't expect anything from anyone else, least of all perfection - so why is it expected of me???
*sigh*
G
xx
4 comments:
I hear you and see you, Sister. :D
Its the silent struggle behind closed doors that hurts the most when someone chooses to make a judgement. How frikken dare they.?? Just keep on moving forward as you are - as always doing what you can for your boys. Those that matter dont mind and those that mind dont matter.
lotsa luv
Jen
xoxo
Because if others are forced to re-evaluate how they've perceived and judged you they are the ones who will be found wanting; to save face it's easier to blame the person they've made a poor effort at 'hearing' or understanding, a type of blame the victim mentality if you will.
My advice?
Screw 'em and the horse they rode in on.
Thanks Nat, Jen and Jayne.
I think some of it's laziness, if they admit it then they might have to step up and help a little....ooh we couldn't do that...
I'm feeling much better today, thanks again.
G
xxx
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