Defeating defeated-ness

All quiet here tonight

A nice bbq tea - just us.

This week:

We had a lovely Oz Day with friends - they have a huge house and entertaining area with inground pool - Big A made the most of that.
Very enjoyable and relaxing day.

I had a visit from a friend - first time she's been over here, we usually catch up online - our husbands work together and we each have an 18 and 15 year old, although she has a 20 year old too.
We have known 'of' each other for years, but really 'met' last year when we went to their house for a bonfire - we hit it off really well.

Work wise the shit is hitting the fan all around - 2 managers from Tas have resigned since December.....one was my level, the other the next step down.....

One of my girls is pregnant, I didn't think I'd ever have that hurdle to get over as most are retirement age, however this lady has only just turned 30, already has 3 children.....I can't see work being a priority soon somehow!!!
I just hope she is/going to be happy, she was really struggling with the kids/work etc and she and her husband have had ongoing problems.....
So another worry on top of meeting the criteria.
Basically, if I don't have 4 people ordering over $150 each I don't get paid.
It's crazy.
I had 2 people do $1000 each in my first week back - if I hadn't had 2 others ordering as well I'd have got SWEET F.A. for ordering it/packing it/delivering it/collecting the money for it and banking......
I was already 1 short this week, and the pregnant ladys husband told me this morning that she hasn't 'done any books' this week.....so I may be stuffed as it looks like 3 orders at this stage....

I don't know, everyone is unhappy (managers), everyone I have spoken to has said 'if something else comes up work wise I'm leaving....'
Not that it affects me directly anymore but it's a real shame - they're going to lose years and years of experience at this rate.
Currently there isn't a manager down the NW coast.....
Too far away for me to even consider it!


My order was 24hours late without notification until the time it was due - GRRRRR - they are so slack - it puts me under the most extreme pressure when this happens.......not the companys fault, the courier. Add this to the mix and man, it all seems like a really shitful idea.....

I have been considering my options, should this not work out over the next few months....


Possum has been a bit quiet and slightly withdrawn, not socialising or wanting to, just home all the time unless he's at work.
He and SM have been out shopping a few times, but apart from that......
I am keeping an eye on him.
I let it go for a few weeks then suggested to him that we put his medication back up to where it was 12 months ago - he agreed.
If that's the amount that's right for him then that's the amount that's right.
We have tried decreasing and it hasn't worked.

Trying to get in to our GP to get some forms signed and tests done for Small Man, he needs more blood tests and an ultrasound of his liver......I couldn't get an appointment for at least 10 days from when I rang, so have to resort to ringing up every morning at 8.30am and trying to get one for that day....

This stupid sinus infection has flared back up again - which is why I have been such the absent blogger lately - last week was terrible just a short walk to the garage was waay too hard...it drains me completely.

My brother has had his heart broken again - so has been leaning on me for support.
I am doing my best but I seem to be saying the same things over and over.
He really needs to see a counsellor on a longer term basis to sort out ALL of the crap he has had in his life.....
In my opinion he is over reacting to this relationship ending, which wasn't really a full on relationship.
Which means it's not actually about THIS, it's about everything else he hasn't dealt with....and for that he needs a professional counsellor - not his tired/stressed/haggard old sister....

Michael came to visit yesterday - he is still visibly quite unwell - but he is allowed to drive - it was great to see him - poor kid he's been through the wringer.


I just felt so...it's hard to describe...but defeated best covers it....this afternoon.

Not just work but everything, I mean really, WTF?!

So many things on my mind at the moment it's ridiculous!!!

So I lay on the couch and listened to my Jon Gabriel CD and just chilled out for a while, not thinking I should be doing this, or I should be doing that.....stuff it.....I'm no robot after all ;)

Feeling more positive tonight.

How are you?

G
xxx