I got home from the doctor, armed with thyroxine for my under active thyroid, a new contraceptive pill for my dodgy hormones and some sleeping pills for my shit sleep pattern....and a promise to keep stress to the minimum and go back in a month and see how things are going.....
We discussed the reasons for why I am so sad.
Too much stress, guilt, feeling like I can't 'fix' things for Small Man, lack of sleep, hormones all over the place and feeling alone in it.
It seems I am not alone.
Big A is supposed to be on day shift today, so he wouldn't be home until 8.30pm
He was home at 5pm when I arrived home from the doctors/chemist
Things went bad at work today
He basically had to walk out today or resign
He is feeling betrayed and hurt with good reason
I won't go into it, it's his 'stuff'
But part of the conversation was how much Small Man's situation has been affecting him, and knowing that I'm not well and struggling...
I NEEDED to know this
I felt like I had carried the weight of this alone for the last 5 years, as that is how is has felt
It is like grief - when you realise he has spent 1/4 of his life at home, with a chronic illness
I want to scream sometimes, and have been crying at the drop of a hat at the injustice of it
I'm not happy that it has affected the Man this much, but at least I don't feel as alone
It has often felt like not only were we not on the same page, but that we are in a completely different book
We are total opposites in every way.
I have no idea what will happen with his job
We can cross that bridge as it comes I guess
G
x♥x
2 comments:
(((hugs)))
No, Gina. You have never been alone. You just didn't know it.
At least he's close enough to 'help'.
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