It occurred to me that none of you have known me when I am 'well'
I'm not sure I remember 'me' before 'this'
I don't want much or have sky high expectations after treatment, I know it's probably going to take a while
To be able to go for a 30 minute walk and not be drenched in sweat by the end of it would be nice
Also the ability to cut my toenails with ease
To feel that I have ANY sort of control over my weight, as this part has bothered me the most
This is me:
Not the current version.
All these years I have been made to feel like a hypochondriac.
I have kicked people out of my life for openly criticising me.
Turns out it was justified.
No-one would choose any of this.
For people to make me feel like I am just not trying hard enough or 'fat and lazy', that sucks.
Especially when it has come to Small Man.
Especially when I could feel myself slowly deteriorating, but not having a 'reason' for it.
If I have been able to do all that I have done whilst fighting this disease then imagine what I'm going to be able to do when I'm better.
I won't know where to start.....
For now I am giving myself permission to take it a bit easier, to do what I can when I can.
August is still 2 months away.
G
x♥x
1 comment:
You could have written this post about me. One of the saddest days of my life was when my therapist said to me that 'that Lisa is gone now, you cant back, Lisa is different now' I cried for days over that and felt incredibly lost but now i get it. If we are the sum of all our experiences then it stands to reason that i cant go back, that Lisa of now is me and that's that. Not so sad now I have adjusted but there are times i really miss 'the other me' - the one who was a size 12, could eat in moderation, who's diary was always full and always had somewhere to be,something useful to do. The one who would walk for hours. Yes, i miss her , i really do but life can be cruel and i acknowledge that. Maybe someday I will catch a glimpse of her again, maybe, who knows ?
Post a Comment