And the rest

Monday was the visit to Step Nan at the nursing home. She was unconscious.
She died at 8.30pm Monday night.
We went straight down to keep everyone company then went to Mums after.
Everyone was fine - everything was fine.
Sad of course but fine.
Then he started arking up about everything his sister had said (after she'd gone), every decision that was made, what was going in the coffin....and so on....

Tuesday was Big A's birthday - we'd planned a quiet bbq for tea with PB and kids.
Then Mum and SF were added - oh and my niece as they were babysitting AGAIN.
Then SF's sister, husband and son/daughter in law were added.
Then my brother.
Then my step brother, his wife and their little girl.
So I ended up cooking for 18.
SF didn't speak to me much.

Wednesday was quiet.
Except Possum found out that

a: he didn't get the traineeship :(

b: he passed his TCE :)


Thursday was the usual work.

Friday the funeral.
The atmosphere was awful.
The 'family room' that you wait in before the funeral didn't have strictly family, and SF's other step daughter was in there, along with other people that weren't 'family'......we just grabbed a seat with everyone else.
There weren't many people there.

Unfortunately I can sense what people are thinking/feeling.
I felt like shouting at them 'I'm sorry I'm not perfect' - because I hadn't been to visit step nan at the nursing home.
This is not coming from guilt, because I don't feel guilty at all for not visiting.
If I had started visiting her my 'motivation' would be questioned......

Barely anyone spoke to us, aside from Mum, SF's sister and husband, and their sons.
You could cut the air with a knife.
SF ignored us.
We left after about 10 minutes at the wake.
Funerals aren't the best of places but the atmopsphere was terrible.
I felt like I shouldn't have been there.

G
xx