Indeed.
Reading though some blogs last night on grief and miscarriage dredged up some thoughts I haven't had in a long time.
After trying to conceive for two years I was finally pregnant,
I knew something wasn't right - I didn't feel pregnant - no morning sickness - nothing.
I miscarried at 9 weeks.
At the time I was grief stricken.
I was told I HAD to go to the hospital for an immediate curette as it 'would be dangerous not to' - risk of infection or whatever.
When I arrived at the hospital I was led into exactly the same room my father was when he died, and I had to go into the room and identify him.
This was strangely soothing.
It was in the bathroom of that hospital room that the actual miscarriage 'happened' - after some cramping etc - I'll spare the details but I know there was nothing left for a curette to 'remove'.
I was sent home that day and told to come back Monday (this was Friday) - because they were too busy.
I was pregnant again immediately.
I was due on September 28th with the first pregnancy - Small Man was born on the 22nd of November (his due date too, darling boy).
I think the grief I felt was intermingled with the grief I was already suffering from my fathers death so unexpectedly two years earlier.
My mother also had a 'miscarriage' more like a stillbirth at almost 6 months pregnant.
She contracted German Measles and lost the baby.
I prefer to think of it along the lines of - if I hadn't had the miscarriage
I wouldn't have my Small Man,
and if Mum hadn't had hers she wouldn't have adopted me.
It took a long time for me to realise that not grieving, not allowing myself to only feel sadness and hurt didn't mean I didn't love and miss my Dad - it didn't mean I had forgotten about him -
I finally allowed myself to let go of the grief - it was o.k. to stop.
It took me ten years.
Maybe I was also grieving in part for my lost pregnancy, I don't know.
I still have trouble with the grief of others.
I try.
I should have all of the words, but I just can't find them when I need them.
Now I acknowledge what I have lost - but I give thanks for what I have, love and appreciate what I have.
Around the same time I had a 'friend' that terminated a pregnancy - because she was scared the baby wouldn't be 'good looking'...
Yes, you read that correctly.
She was going out with a guy that she would often say 'wasn't good looking' - umm Hello?
Some obvious statements to this - Why go out with him? and Have you looked at yourself lately?
This girl was ugly on the inside - shallow, narcissistic, jealous....and no oil painting herself to be honest.
I have never known such shallowness in my life.
I hadn't thought about this for a long time, until last night.
It still sickens me.
Suffice is to say she is no longer in my life.
No grief there!
G
xx
8 comments:
wow -we are on the same wavelength here for sure.
Lisa has written about lost babies too. Something going on.
Yes, yesterday I melted down and grieved for my empty womb ... i was a mess ... I think it may be "Mother's Day" coming up this Sunday and what this may mean.
Blessings to you xOx
Wow, that really is shocking!!
In a way it's for the best tho, someone who thinks like that should obviously not have children.
~Shiv
Thank you Jen, Faerie & Shiv.
Shiv - she did have a son (to someone ultra good looking - pah!) and had so many complications (near kidney failure etc) that she's had her tubes tied.....The irony!
I'm sure her son is so good looking that he makes up for ten kids though...~dripping sarcasm~...very sad individual.
G
xx
I am pro-choice and will support any woman who finds herself in the position of needing to abort, but to abort because of looks?
What a shallow and revolting individual. I wouldn't be grieving over that friendship ending, either.
Hi Anja,
It's almost unbelievable, but not surprising coming from her.
One of those that managed to subtley put you down every time you had the misfortune of being in her company!
She seriously had no idea why I cut her off - but didn't ever front up and say hey what's going on. Good riddance to her!
G
xx
Woah, maybe she should apply for that TV series someone was contemplating where women compete to be Paris Hilton's best friend, like, totally, ever. It sounds as though she's suited to the position.
Meanwhile, back on planet humanity - I'm glad you're talking about this topic. It needs to be talked about more by women, between women. It's important and I have so many friends who struggle with their grief over miscarriages, or abortions they had little/no choice about, and go unheard. Memory is a blessing and a curse, at times but remembrance is a gift that should be shared. It binds us.
CK
Well said CK,
G
xx
p.s. She would pick holes in Paris Hilton, don't worry!
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