Tears...and then more

Woke up this morning bawling my eyes out...and couldn't stop...the phone rang....then the mobile....I just couldn't answer them......

Always a great way to start the day :-(

This has happened a few times before on a Saturday...

I'm not sure why...(why Saturday, not why it happened today)..

If these crying episodes don't stop I suppose I'll have to go and see the doc....I mean, I've had three or four this week...

But then that just pisses me off...
because if it weren't for certain people deliberately trying to make my life hell - and then being overly nice to be because they've been told they have to - I'd be coping with everything else fine..

I'm frustrated and resentful at having to lie basically.
By lying I mean having to speak pleasantly to someone that in any other circumstance I wouldn't even acknowledge, because I can't stand them and know it's bullshit.

It's not the same as a family member that you see once or twice a year and are polite to even though they piss you off, for the family's sake.

I understand mind games and can spot them a mile away, I can figure out the strategy etc - but I don't like playing them myself.

And now I have to speak to her at least ONCE A WEEK!!
Won't that be something to fucking look forward to...

Thanks so much everyone for you comments and support through this - sorry I haven't responded to you all individually as I usually like to do....

I'm going to go and try to make today a better day,

G
xx