Kind Of Caught It

I have been having these tachycardia 'events' for years

Have never been able to catch it with a monitor or ECG etc

I had an event the other night and thought to whip out my handy little blood pressure monitor and try and catch it

I think it gives an average of the heart rate ~ it was well over 180 bpm a few times.

I think I did well to get the machine on, and photograph it in the middle of one of my 'heart attacks' as I call them.

I guess I am used to them by now.

Only once have I struggled to stop it ~ I can slow my heart rate back down eventually but it takes a lot of breath holding and flipping over 'valsalva maneuver' or something it's called 

Quacked

Saw the doc this afternoon - he thinks the whole mess probably is thyroid and/or ovary related - both due to going off the pill. He also mentioned the pill could have been masking all of this, and it's been there the whole time. Would explain why I could never lose weight, given my diet.

Turns out the 'going off the pill' idea needs a re-think.

Actually I won't get time to give it a re-think - I have to go back on it (the pill).
Just as soon as I get this blood test out of the way tomorrow morning.
Have the new prescription ready to go.
Trying a different one this time.

And I need to rest.

Ha!

Sorted out annoying work guy today - I just kept sending him text messages last night and emails to say.. "I need stats in for you" "Urgently" "Your area coverage will look low and you may lose area"...
I think it finally sank in!!! He actually checked and edited one of his teams stats - good start!

I can't do anything about school as it's school holidays here....except I thought I'd have a crack at the Principals email address - I nutted out the specialists in Melbourne so the principals shouldn't be too hard.
I want to outline my DISAPPOINTMENT with the contact *ahem* or lack thereof.....and enquire as to why this could possibly be taking SO LONG. He assured me that we would be well set up with Distance Ed before the holidays - it's now the holidays. He will check his email in the holidays I'll bet - seems like a bit of a control freak/one of those that likes to repeat phrases he reads and thinks sound catchy in 'Principlals Weekly' or whatever they read......


Thank you so much everyone for your kind comments on my last few posts.....
gawd what a pain in the ass I can be when I crash.

Glad it doesn't happen too often....much....

So anyway - not quite there - still feeling the same - but at least I'll be able to sort it out - come what may from the results....

G
xx

Bored, Sad, Weird, Mad

...and the internet is as slow as buggery...

Feeling very strange tonight.

Bored. I'm NEVER bored - well rarely. But tonight...well....
That's the bonus of my ADD mind - usually it's always on the go!
And I don't seem to 'dwell' on things too much - it doesn't usually stay put in my head long enough!

Sad. Because Small Man had a bad night last night. He was so down he even cried. He doesn't cry often.
I managed to cheer him up in the end but it puts a weight on my heart that takes a bit to move.
I am so pissed off with the school I haven't been able to even write about it lest my blood boil over.
They were supposed to have submitted the forms for distance education 6 weeks or so ago.
I have rung and rung, either the social worker isn't there or she'll 'ring me back' and it never happens.
What the hell do I have to do to get something done with these people.
Not only that I haven't heard from the teacher or grade leader, or principal to see how he's going.
NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
Big A and I had a discussion on handling him at the moment. I had to be fairly harsh with him to get through, and I don't do harsh. I hope it worked.

Weird. Because I am sitting here writing this - god knows why.
I don't want to go to bed. I don't want to stay up.
I'm flicking through reading blogs and wondering why I even have one.
Physically I feel like ten tonn Tessie, my gut looks like an impressive beer gut, my little finger on my left hand is numb, my shoulder is aching to buggery, my eyes, ears and throat hurt, and I've had vertigo all day. Apart from that though....I'm just dandy - he he.

Mad. Because one of my team is severely testing my patience. Banking late 12 times already THIS YEAR. Inability to check/correct/update/query his teams stats, meaning I'm in a panic if something doesn't look right, and I usually don't know it until this time on a Monday night (too late to ring) - by 7am Tuesday it can't be changed. On the up side he has recruited a good sized team - on the flip side they only do the amount of work for a week, in a fortnight.
So basically they are running at 50% performance.
How many times do you have to repeat yourself? It seems to be the theme in my life - repeating myself, fixing other peoples fuck ups.
He claims that reporting stats are 'not as important' as the powers that be claim they are -
I DON"T GIVE A SHIT - IT"S PART OF OUR JOB SO JUST DO IT!!!
It's not hard!!!
Can you imagine a massive company doing their quarterly report: Profit - ohhh err uummm about $xxxxxx we think, maybe! give or take a few million.....
The rest of the team have been very quiet. Which is good. I would be of no use to them at the moment.

I'm mad with myself for feeling so negative and down.
Things are looking up for us now that Big A has qualified and received his 'golden' ticket in the mail the other week (it's actually silver but hey!). Being back on shift work is a relief in many ways - and he seems to be liking the time off again.

Z16 who is nearly 17 is on holidays which is great for Small Man, they get on well together and keep each other company.
Z16 has had a rather drastic haircut.
And I mean drastic!
Clippers around the ears drastic!!!
I miss the long curls already!! A few of the girls at school were a tad distressed and asked that he NEVER get his hair cut again! He looks a little less 'dangerous' now (which is funny cos he's such a lamb) but he's easier to get ready for work/college. I did post some pics of him from cracker night, but he has a beanie on so you can't tell. He hasn't had short hair since he was 13 - so it takes a bit to get used to - especially picking him out in a crowded carpark after college - before I'd look out for (what we affectionately call) the 'Mop'.
Ah he can always grow it back if he wants.

Anyway enough ranting from me,
two posts in one day - tsk tsk - you'd think I could say what I wanted the first time wouldn't you!?

G
xx

Gratification

The Nine of Pentacles card suggests that my power today lies in gratification.
The fruits of my labor already exist in my values.
My garden of purpose is perennial and forever in need of tending but I am surrounded by the results I have intended to create.
I am empowered by the splendor that is my life and my asset is personal validation.


Back again after a few 'shut down' days.

Now is definitely about beginnings and endings - I interpret the card above to mean that my hard work/tolerance/perseverance both in myself, my family, work etc have laid down sound foundations for the positives that are starting to happen.
I just need to remember that the 'garden' still needs 'tending' and maintaining - and slackening off isn't an option.

I have tried a different strategy with the Almighty - actually it was something I read on a blog about children, and how expressing gratitude at every opportunity brings the attitude you want.
So for example I receive an email telling me someones banking is overdue,
I write back "Thanks so much for letting me know...."
- I receive an email telling me that extra stationary has been ordered for one of my team
- I respond with "Thank you so much for organising this - so & so was thrilled when I told them".
That sort of stuff.
Even if it's not something requiring a thank you - I'm giving it.
And guess what?
I have requested several things that would ordinarily be denied (just because) - but no, not this week - I have actually 'gotten my own way' on a few really important things for my team.
I think this is partially due to me telling the BBB in front of her that all I want is for my team to be treated with courtesy, to be given the benefit of the doubt occasionally, and for compromise.
It certainly has improved my stress levels - to be able to go back to my team with positives, and decisions that have gone their way for a change, and for her to AGREE with my points/arguments for or against a decision.


Both boys have had the flu - and now the Big A has it - that'll be fun!!!
He has had some happenings at work, and now is starting shift Monday - night shift - oh crap that's tomorrow isn't it - crikey!!! Now he's on the opposite shift to what was originally arranged - so we'll be missing a few social events - oh well - the hermit (me) doesn't mind......

We're off to the dietitian tomorrow with Small Man - that'll be fun too - NOT - he looks at her like she's the enemy.

Well, we are talking about someone who is a 'foodie' - and we don't mess with Small Man's diet - ooohh noooo!
I think that's what he's afraid of - that she'll try and make him eat things he can't.

He did eat some cheese pizza last night - with a sprinkle of green stuff on top (some sort of fresh herb) - and he ate the green stuff OMG!!!

Thank you to Kathleen, Widdleshamrock, Warriorwitch, Witchypoo and Isabella for your comments recently,
I usually do like to respond to every comment - I just haven't been up to it in the last few days.

I think if someone takes the time to comment the least I can do is acknowledge their time and thoughts.

Maybe that's just me - I'm old fashioned that way!!

Have a great day,

G
xx

Yep, I'm All That....

The Nine of Swords card suggests that my power today lies in realization.

I am not my mistakes.

I can't do this alone or pretend any more.

The illusion of comfort in denial or sacrifice is no longer mine.

There is no shame in my suffering -- no healing in silent self-torment.

It is here at the surreal crossroads of the "soul search" where dawning truth meets the anguish of overwhelming resistance in mind over matter that I can finally wake up, change my mind,
let go of what no longer works or own my losses or choices.

I am empowered by intense acknowledgment or epiphany and my virtue is gratitude or relief in recognition.

****************************************************************
That pretty much sums up where I'm at for now.

Not much to say for a change.

Slack AS!

Last night's post I'd written a few weeks ago...

All talked out for now,

Sorry I haven't responded to all of my recent comments - I usually do....

Love To All -

G
xx

Interesting...

Technically for tomorrow.......

The Moon card suggests that my alter ego is the Magnetic One, whose superpower lies in my innate ability for reflection, and that of turning the tide. Good, my efforts haven't been in vain if the tide can still turn.....
Today I feel like a natural woman. As long as I can still shave my armpits that's fine!!!
I am a goddess that reflects the mystique and magnetism of women, rising above all boundaries. 'This too shall pass.'
Shining brightly, I will overcome empty promises in the dark and dangerous liaisons.
Enjoy the thrill of the hunt and the drama when your forces of attraction are at their strongest.


My cards have been incredibly spot on over the last few days.
It's amazing how yesterdays related to the meeting I had Friday night...

My meeting with the BBB (big big boss) was an interesting one Friday night.
I finally was able to say, in front of the Almighty, what I wanted to change.

BBB's opening questions was...."Gina, are you happy??"
It was the longest I have seen her sit (with her head down) and not interrupt or speak over me....OR DISAGREE...with ANYTHING that I said.
Maybe it was good for her to hear how many of the statements she has made sound when repeated back.
I have to accept that fact that there won't be a change in management - but I have the assurance that the episodes of the past won't be repeated.
Honestly I think being made to be nice to me will be something she won't be able to cope with for too long.
I feel reassured that my area/team will be watched closely, so any radical changes/cut backs of area will be questioned.
I know my team was hoping for a different outcome, but think I can talk them around to the same acceptance I have...I hope.
TW was the star of the evening. He supported me 100% - without it sounding nasty or that we'd pre planned our answers - he didn't say much, but what he did say hit the mark.
At one stage he said "In all of the time I have worked with Gina (10 years) I have NEVER seen her so upset or affected by anything" - the care and concern in his voice said it all.
I could have gone on and on, but I was very careful with my choice of issues to bring up - sometimes you've gotta pick your battles - plus we didn't have all night - which is how long it would have taken.
At one stage I felt so angry, and upset to be finally confronting these issues in her presence - that my voice was shaking.
I was determined not to cry......and didn't.....

I didn't expect any side taking etc - what I wanted was to have my issues heard.
We'll see how things go.
One day at a time!

G
xx

True..

The Four of Swords card suggests that my power today lies in recovery.
Our mutual losses or experience deserve to be acknowledged or remembered with dignity, honor, and respect even as we regroup to move forward.
I am willing to work on forgiveness and letting go of the past in order to find peace.
It's time to give it a rest.
I am empowered by stillness and my virtue is silence.


G
xx

Your Heart is Yellow and Green

Your heart is caring and generous. You are kind, understanding, and forgiving. You bring objectivity and rationality to relationships. You're good at giving your partner freedom and space.

What Are the Colors of Your Heart?

Unblocking My Path...

A few interesting events happening around me at the moment.

Imagine the road I live on as being long and straight, curving off to the right at the end.

At the beginning of the road lives toxic ex sister in law.

I have to drive past her house every time I go out - there is only one road in and out of my suburb. My brother stopped coming to visit for a while due to the pain this person caused both him and my family. Put simply, fidelity was not her best quality, nor was sanity for that matter.

At the other end of the road, at the end of the curve, lives another toxic ex 'friend' (the one that did tarot readings about me with her friend without my knowledge or consent, and many other things).

She has to drive past my house every time she goes out.

I am right in the middle between both of them.

Of course this situation wasn't ruining my life or anything - but there was that sense of being surrounded.
Don't get me wrong, someone has to really hurt me badly or let me down repeatedly for me to cut them off. Both of these did just that - too many times.

Over the past week the toxic ex sister in law has moved out (with the new boyfriend - lucky boy) - and toxic ex friend has apparently sold her house.

Interesting that both happened at once.


Hmmm....!

G
xx

~Half way there - nearly a Sparky!~

Big A is through the first half of his exam - the second half tomorrow.

He's feeling fairly confident.....!

Small Man made it to school this afternoon (1.30pm-3pm)- so that's a total of 3 days since school started back in Feb. Never mind that he was in bed at 5pm, and just got up a little while ago........

6 out of 7 auctions sold on eBay - a grand total of around $50 - better than a smack up the chops!
Two have paid, one echeque pending and another emailed me tonight to say she's transferring payment - so two to go.

We've had some bushfires down here - the smoke is pretty bad - even from where I am - miles away. It looked like rain earlier...but I'm not sure now. I hope it rains.

Extended myself and went to the Kmart after school - huge outing I know - ha ha!
Well, that's Target and Kmart in two days....sheesh!

Did buy, yes buy, a few new tops, yes brand NEW......and yes they fit!
Didn't try them on - pah! - who wants to try stuff on when it's this hot, not when I can cue up for hours in the heat and return them if they don't fit - ha ha!.
Actually still had birthday money from January so used that..........
But really, it's like a grocery grab when you go to the Kmart with two teenage boys - you get about 10 minutes if you're lucky!!!

No insidious emails or phone calls today either - makes life much more bearable.
I'm sure I'll cop it at the next 'weekly' nag call - will be Thursday this week due to Good Friday buggering up her routine - one, two, three, awwwww!

Both boys have doctors appointments on Thursday afternoon, and who knows how late they'll be running at the surgery - so I may be VERY hard to catch - oh well ya get that.

G
xx